I meant to write last night...I had those "small insignificant personage" thoughts here in North Carolina.  Like it's amazing to ponder my own existence and any meaning it might have admist so many other people, so many faces behind steering wheels, pedestrians, etc.  So many people living their own life...and the fact that I used to be depressed over the seemingly hopelesnsess of it all in such mass numbers -- pointless.  With so many souls on this earth, most people are not meant to be a catalyst of major change, of impact upon the masses -- of reknown, even fame and riches, the most sought after "pinacle" in life it seems to me.  Every soul has a small purpose, but i suppose even the person may never know this purpose.  Some may be meant to spark a creative thought in an artist. Some people may be meant to honk that horn or flip that finger that pushes it over the limit for the young college student in NYC, who finally calls it quits and goes on to become a preacher back in his small home town in the midwest...or any such chain of events leading up to this.  It's not a new thought--one I've put down here before already...but the thoughts seem to come unbidden at irregular intervals.  This time, though, i can see the changes in these thoughts--or rather, their effects...it no longer depresses me or frightens me or even intimidates me.  Such thoughts once made me question the worthfulness of life itself...Now such thoughts just make me wonder what role every face I see plays.  So many people out there, some effecting me -- these very thoughts of mine for example.  The purpose behind these thoughts?  Why is it important for me to think these things?  I don't know.  In fact, it probably isn't important, but it's entertaining if nothing else -- keeps the intellect sharp, the juices flowing.

And it makes me more interested in finishing the entry...

I killed several people today after lunch.  It had it's price, but the thrill in the take down, in the rounds exploding just over my head in the stalking/strategic movements...it all made the $15 for paintball worthwhile.  It was my first time playing and I loved it.  If i could afford it I'd probably get more actively involved in it and play it every weekend....much like I once planned to rock climb every weekend...Well the former won't happend and the latter didn't...in fact I even forget to ask Dad to set the gear aside for the movers so I could go climbing...

On Wednesday the movers came and picked up my things to ship out to me--my DAT deck and tapes, clothing, golf clubs :) , and a few other things.  Should be here by August 13th...I chatted w/ my Dad on ICQ the other night for about half an hour...they're doing well out there on the other coast.  Mom said she'd pay half my plane fare to come see them...It's an offer I'd love to entertain but I'm not financially able to right now...about $500 of unbudgeted expenses killed any purchases for a while...

Change of command ceremony for COL Zahner this morning.  He's leaving this assignment for another position on post.  COL Faust is his replacement -- haven't met his myself but Dave said he's cool...

just realized I never got a chance to kill Dave today...damn, what a shame.

work, work has been sucky...complications on chapter actions, new article fifteens, i never even got an updated weekly report out for this week...SFC Krause is leaving on vacation next week leaving me in charge of the Bde and 319th Bn again, so she needs to have that legal report for end of the month submission.  In addition, SPC Xu is going on leave next week as well...I'll be the only legal guy in the entire Brigade...it will *not* be an easy week.

Katie is apparently up here for the weekend.  Dave wants me to go to the fair with them...he hasn't called me back yet though, and I'm just gonna waitto see if he calls me, since he'll be staying with her at a hotel i'm not going to bother calling his barraks room.

I'm reminded just now of Toby and Jacks...my favorite drinking establishment back in Arcata.  Those friday nights and the stagger back to the bathroom to let some of that liquor out of my system and into the urinal...the clumsy zipping up and hands washing b4 I'd go get one last drink...The lonely bar stool that, more often than not, always had at least one empty seat next to it during the weeknight forays and one stranger totally engrossed in something or someone else on the non worknights...I always hoped to meet someone there and that never even happened...though I did run into one of Amy's friends/classmates there once...that made for an interesting night of revelations...

Ah...the greatest thing about memories is that no-one can ever take them from you...

"It was the first kiss for both of us. We never really talked about it afterwards, but I think about the events of that
  day again and again, and somehow I know Winnie does too, whenever some blowhard starts talking about the
  anonymity of the suburbs, or the mindlessness of the TV generation. Because we know that inside each of those
  little boxes, with it's white bread on the table, and the TV set glowing blue in the falling dusk, there are people
 with stories. Families bound together by the pain of love. There were moments that made us cry in laughter, and
                            moments like that one, of sorrow and wonder."