11.07.98

Normal MSE PT today (muscle strengthening & endurance) -- elevated situps/push-ups.  D & C w/ DS Drudy, wall locker preperation for today's inspection moved to tomorrow, saw the mail stack for today -- Mom & Dad's was on top!  Wahoo.  2107, anxious for mail call.  Phone privelages -- 30 second msg.  on their machine...
joy...
Boots are getting glassy, slowly but surely -- gonna spit shine 'em from now on...(had time to try it last night.)  Our dining hall flooded so we ate at the only other one here ~ 200 PVTs coming through every meal -- actually only allowed one, spoon or fork...

Smoked again by DS Redd for seemingly no reason to begin with other than a lack of communication between him & DS Drudy...way too much contradiction/miscommunication between DSs...

Tomorrow is the 1 month anniversary, my god.  Looking back on everything, I'm amazed.  A whole new way of life I'm already completely submerged -- like the past is gone, nearly meaningless in it's distance...

Normal men, boys w/ families & friends.  We are soldiers to be, yes -- we are all to be just one of man, part of a well oiled machine, yet despite this, each and every one of us is an individual.  Human lives, most just beginning, some already begun.  Different reasons for being here -- different levels of motivation & dedication.  Being in the military now I can never look at a soldier the saem way again -- I have joined a fellowship here, one of the largest & most respected.  This is my life spent here, another chapter completely unforseen & totally unexpected by my peers & myself really.  So many things I've done, haven't done, plan to do, dream to do, have all brought me here.  Depressive thoughts of the Grand Canyon, lonliness, boredom, restlessness, fear of stagnation, yearning for the unknown..all brought me here. I haev submerged myself into this machine yet remain myself, unscathed -- made stronger in mind & body -- and more wise that I was.  By dropping the meaning of self worth/individuality, I am regaining the person I nearly lost.  I am growing more into the man I never was -- becoming a man and not a boy -- seeing part of this cultures nation -- it's ppl -- reading new stories in the lives of these men.

Every day, every single day, brings pain and frustration, but all things end and the pain and frustration will too.  BCT is an experience to have, to relish for it's uniqueness...to have struggled through, to have endured & triumphed over.

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