I, Jonothan Everett Starsmore, am the biggest asshole on the planet. That�s all I can seem to think about as I sit here, at Denny�s, alone. I reach forward for my silverware and the dying sunlight manages to hit me square in the face, temporarily blinding me. Every movement I make just serves to remind me in some completely irrational way of what happened earlier today. After all, this is our booth I�m sitting in.

My best friend Alex and I hang out at Denny�s religiously. It�s usually the only thing to do at 1 AM unless you want to go to the bars and dance clubs in Youngstown, but neither of us care much for that scene. Generally we end up running into our friends at Denny�s and bitch about life and classes or start up a game of Magic: The Gathering. We all just walk in the door like we own the place and automatically sit down at the semi-circle booths in the corner, the ones with the cigarette burns on the seats and our names carved into the cheap particle board tabletops.

That�s not the booth I�m in now, though. Alex and I have a different booth that only the two of us share. It�s where we sit when something is going wrong in our lives and we need the advice and consolation only a best friend can give. Sometimes we just sit here and bullshit, usually at least once a week. It�s been our tradition practically since we met. But sitting here, without Alex, it feels like I�m committing some blasphemous act. OK, so if anyone needs advice and consolation right now it�s probably me; but Alex isn�t here to give it and I�m not sure if he�ll ever be so generous again. Or maybe I�m overreacting.

It�s all Kate�s fault! I falsely accuse as I stab my napkin with a fork. Ever since she violated the sanctity of our table, flouncing in with her little white-blonde pigtails and candy necklaces, over five years of friendship with Alex has been wasting away like a starving Ethiopian in favor of the all-consuming attention whore that is Kate. Perhaps this is only natural. You know, that whole �girl comes between two best friends� kinda mess. Entropy in action.

Or maybe my jealousy, stupidity, and denial has something to do with it. I know I sure as hell didn�t act like a model friend this afternoon.

�ALEX!!! Where�s the blue dye?� I yelled while banging cupboards in the dimly lit bathroom of our apartment. We�d been living here since freshmen year of college.

Alex�s voice came floating back to me from one of the bedrooms. �Have you checked the cupboard under the sink by the trashcan and rubber gloves?�

�I just checked there,� I muttered. I really did just check there, damn it. If I even find� fuck. �FOUND IT!� How does Alex do that? Know where everything is at all times. I�m the organized one. All my shirts are pressed and hung neatly on space-saving vertical hangers as opposed to Alex�s method of letting the clothes be free to express themselves over the edge of the fish tank. Yet, in the midst of utter chaos he still knows where everything is and I can�t find crap.

My mildly agitated state rose disproportionately after squirting out the remaining hair dye into my now gloved hand. There was barely enough left for the modest sized streak I wanted! Kate. I was practically foaming at the mouth just by thinking about her. She just had to come here to dye her stupid hair. And God forbid she buy her own dye when she can steal ours! That girl just finds new ways to piss me off everyday.

OK, so maybe Kate isn�t exactly evil incarnate, although I often make her sound that way, but she has a way of taking advantage of Alex�s generous nature and making sure she�s the center of attention at all times. See, this is what pisses me off the most actually. Kate doesn�t deserve Alex�s attention. I do! I�m his best friend, not her.

Twenty minutes later I was puttering around the kitchen with a towel draped over my shoulders in an effort to spare my shirt from turning blue. That�s the thing about semi-permanent dye. You think it�s dry until you take a good look about your surroundings and realize everything in your house is now the color of your hair. My inner monologue raged on for a bit longer as I flicked the coffeepot on before beginning my excavation of the fridge. My quest for edibles was interrupted by Alex emerging from my room, frustration evident on his pale features.

�Have you seen my Placebo CD?�

Whoa, that�s a first. He actually doesn�t know where something is for once. �Which one?� I asked as I turned my full attention on him. He�s wearing his ripped jeans again. The ones he got from Hollister that look really good on him. Er, not that I was noticing.

�The one with �Sleeping with Ghosts� on it,� he huffed as he brushed past me to have a go at raiding the fridge.

I turned again, following his movements. �Didn�t Kate borrow it last week?�

�Oh,� he sat down on a barstool empty handed, his usual exuberance deflating. �Oh, yeah.� Silence descended on our tiny apartment as he worried his lip. His soft black hair spilled across his face and obscured his eyes. Wait, scratch that last bit.

Alex pouted at the coffee cup I had previously set out on the counter, his eyes silently begging. For a straight guy Alex can be quite the drama queen. Or maybe it�s just the way I interpret things. I quickly stopped that train of thought and not surprisingly crossed the narrow kitchenette with the mug he�d been staring at.

�You want some coffee I suppose.� I had already begun filling his mug as he flicked me a look of appreciation.

�Have you ever wondered where we go when we die� if anywhere at all? Last week� you know, with Kate? It�s really been bothering me.� Alex stirred an excessive amount of cream and sugar into the murky darkness with a knife. It always drove me crazy how he refused to use a spoon. He ended up running the knife across his tongue in what looked to me like some obscene parody of a seduction scene. I guess he judged the coffee to be suitable since his next action was to take a large swallow. This was a huge improvement over his usual unfavorable reaction. I don�t know why but whenever I made coffee, it came out excessively bitter even though I always followed the same directions as Alex.

I let out a long-suffering sigh as I watched Alex go about his ministrations. �It�s not like Kate was really in danger of dying. She cut cross-wise. Everyone knows you�re supposed to cut vertically if you�re truly serious.� I did not like the look he gave me then. I think perhaps that came out a bit colder than I had intended. I only meant that Kate was just after attention again and yeah, she needs help, but he shouldn�t worry too much. That was my lame attempt at comforting him. I hadn�t meant to evoke that look.

�I can�t believe you!� he said as he slammed his palms on the counter and bolted out of his seat. �Kate�s our friend and she�s going through a seriously difficult time right now. Her parents kicked her out, works sucks, her grades are going down, and Joe won�t stop harassing her. She needs our support right now, not your fucking sarcasm.�

See? Drama queen. I think I looked sufficiently chastised. Well, I sure hope I did. I bit my lip lightly and busied myself by preparing a cup of coffee. �Sorry. I didn�t mean it how it sounded. Maybe we can take her out tomorrow or something,� I attempted to appease him.

�Well, actually I�m taking her to war-zone this afternoon�� At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

Let me explain war-zone for a minute. You see, it�s this field on Rt. 46 across from Sheetz. There�s a thick growth of trees and bushes surrounding a clearing with flat rocks and an abandoned toilet. A turbid creek runs off to the side down a ravine. It�s where my friends, though not me, play paintball every week. But war-zone has another connotation to it. It�s been home to many first kisses and first fights. It�s where you take a girl when you want to ask her to be your official girlfriend. Many a female has fallen victim to war-zone�s charms when the full moon is creating its ethereal magic on the rocks and water, city lights blinking below in the distance. And now that asshole was about to take my most hated enemy there on today of all days! �What the hell are you thinking, Alex?!� I screamed as I abandoned my coffee and got in his face. �You promised me that today was going to be just us! It�s my 21st birthday, Alex!!! Five years of friendship and you�re going to fucking ditch me so you can hit on Kate. She just broke up with Joe like 2 weeks ago. And she�s mentally unstable. Are you nuts?!� I think I was pretty close to his face when I screamed that last sentence. I remember smelling the coffee on his breath and staring into his eyes, my heart trying to break through my ribs as it fed blood into my reddening face.

�Christ, Jono. Get a grip,� he spat out, looking away in disgust. �It�s daylight, for one. And secondly, Kate�s a fellow paintballer. We�re just going there to talk. Kate needs me right now. I think you can handle a belated celebration.�

No no no! I�m the one that needs him right now. I�m the one that needs to talk to him. Today was going to be the perfect set-up. He�d get me drunk off my ass and then I�d let him in on all the crazy thoughts running through my brain. And now once again that bitch had screwed up everything.

�You asshole,� I muttered without thinking.

�That�s it! I can�t take anymore of your shit, Jonothan. I�m going over to Kate�s before I say something I really regret.� He gave me a pointed look as he said that. Maybe he knew I hadn�t meant to let that slip out. God, I hope so. I can�t stop seeing him in my head, grabbing his keys and jean jacket before slamming out the door.

And that�s how I came to be sitting here in our booth and sober as fuck on my birthday. I give the coffee another swirl with my knife. �Gyah!� I spill a little of it as an icy hand slides over my shoulders and I�m being pushed aside so another body can occupy my side of the booth. I press a napkin onto the wet spot on the table before looking over, practically nose to nose with�

�Alex! What are you doing here? Aren�t you supposed to be with Kate? I thought you hated my guts right now and never wanted to see-�

�Jono, calm down,� he cuts me off. �You�re my best friend. One little fight isn�t the end of that. Look, I�m sorry my temper got the better of me earlier. But that doesn�t mean you didn�t say some real asinine things back there.�

I can feel myself nodding my head in agreement and I self-consciously stop. �I know, I know. I�m sorry, Alex. I didn�t really mean any of it. It�s just that I was so upset and today was supposed to be all about us, and I got so jealous that you were blowing me off for her and there�s some stuff I really need to talk to you about and I thought today I�d finally get you alone so I could and�� I heave a sigh and attempt to catch my breath. I�m not sure if I should have said all that, but I get the feeling that Alex knows something more than he�s been saying.

�Yeah. Actually, that�s part of what Kate and I talked about this afternoon. You really should thank her for knocking some sense into me cuz apparently I�m Mr. Oblivious.�

I raise my eyebrows at this and my heart-rate raises, too. Does he know? No, wait. There�s nothing to know. Oh who the hell am I kidding? I haven�t even looked at a girl since we moved in together. I�m getting the distinct feeling that I am seriously going to owe Kate big time after this night is over.

I watch him stand up and fumble with the corners of his jacket. �I think perhaps we need to go somewhere a little more private for this discussion, eh? How bout we go to war-zone,� he suggests as he extends a hand to me.

My gaze travels out the window, focusing on the clear night and the full moon before I take his offered hand.