TITLE: It Hurts
AUTHOR: Rainie
EMAIL: [email protected]
DISCLAIMER: Joss, not I.
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask first
CATEGORY: S/B
RATING: M
PART: 1/1
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Since I still don't know what exactly happens between Buffy and Spike (after Joyce's death) I've made up my own little sequel
It Hurts
Night after night I watch her drinking herself into oblivion.
Day in day out.
The determination, the systematic behind it is what's scaring me most.
She's given up, acting as though her life had stopped the moment Joyce kicked it.
It's not like the last hasn't affected me.
After all, Joyce has been…, well…, she's been to closes to a friend I'll ever have around her little Scooby Gang.
I don't know what to do, how to react.
All I know is I'm hurting - every single one of her nightly boozing sessions is somehow piercing and cutting right through my bloody heart.
But what can I do?
She doesn't want me - she doesn't want anybody.
Even the great poof eventually resigned and crawled back to LA.
And according to my sources, which are one ear pressed to the back of Giles little toy shop, well, according to my sources the Council of Watchers is considering to activate a new slayer, maybe even to reactivate Faith…
I look at her and immediately feel sick.
After 120 odd years I've though I'd seen it all, but watching this beautiful golden girl reducing herself to a pitiful empty shell… it's really, really driving me nuts.
Sometimes I just feel like walking up on her and pounding some sense into her hazy drunk brain.
Other times I think I should just take a chance and take her in my arms and hold her and kiss her until she starts to believe that one day the hurt will go away.
He watcher and friends obviously have given up on her - too busy filling in hunting demon and saving the world.
Her baby sis has moved in with the watcher, with on other place to go and no-one to look after her after her sister's decline and their landlord's friendly but unyielding request to move out of the house.
So I watch over her - make sure she gets home - which is a neighboring crypt I requisitioned for her.
Oh, she bloody well knows who's dragging her there and watching her back every waking moment.
Why?
I've read the question so many times in her glassy dull eyes.
Truth is, she knows - knows about my, what she considers a fleeting crush on her.
Unlike Angel or his soulless bastard better I've never walked away from what I considered mine and protectable.
I know - no, hope - that one day she'll come to her senses, that she'll eventually get over her mom's death and on with her life…
She just has to.
Because it's killing me to watch her like this - watch her destroying her sensitive soul and vivid proud spirit.
So I keep following her from nightclub to nightclub.
Night after night, day in day out.
So I keep watching her getting drunk, keep watching her wither.
It hurts, it hurts so bloody much!
Her grief over her dead mother.
My love for the slayer.
the end