OCTOBER, 2001

"Where lies the final harbor whence we are more no more. In what path be who travels the world in which the weariest never weary. Where is the foundling's father hidden? Our souls are like those orphans whose unwedded mothers die in burying them. And the secret of our paternity lies in their grave. And we must there learn it." <unknown>

 

Abby Road

 

Good night, Anna

Whilst dreams of none reflection play

To death in christos mourning veil

What sounds alight from yesteryore

To play the deadly game once more

Once more again, this time again

Good night, Anna

You hid between the chimes of clock

Between the beating of my own heart

If moon be but a word, I stab myself with words

And bleed only thoughts upon the quiet earth

Rest with the maggots

Let thee extension of mine own eye

Resurrect this mind

Its dream of body gone unchecked these years

From horse of north and south and east and west

I mind it not in light that yonder breaks

Those waves deafen me to silent glory

In the golden dew of words unsaid

There is no greater crime, no greater loss to man

Than the loss of the irony that was one day ours

Sojourning in another before the poets knew

This temple has fallen

Atlas rests on his own eye

But for the strain goes love is mine

I give it back to you

Good night, Anna

I bite the horses hoofs now

For La dansta, Maria la bouise duvul,

yada dish inul, yas das bastas an a deuch naution

Christ is with the dead.

October 25, 2001 FVM

Dedicated to Albert Jaquaya

God's Faithful Servant

These 8 Years of Prophecy

 

Great Knowledge is possessed only by one with exceeding humility.

Else what's compassion for?

 

I do not want. I do not have. Nor will I ever in the farthest realms of my considerable imagination even remotely possibly need the approval of chatters.

It is the worste kind of yellowness to feel pity for someone whose only goal was to share something you forgot and called wisdom.

The most glaring sign of intelligence is the ability to comprehend the incomprehensible, the unseen. Albert Jaquaya had the courage to turn the space you call friend into a cathedral. And you turned your back on him. I know now I have lived to see the most glaring sign of stupidity. The most stupid thing of all being that you were right and still are. Fortunately for you both, we live in a world where you can be right and be reverent at the same time. I take your expected surprise to mean you are reverent once again for the person you call holy.

Until we meet again at the mall, at the fireside, online, on tv, at the bank in your deepest desires, betwixt your deepest fears and in your most cherished love space,

what goes around comes around,

Go fuck yourself and have a nice day.

 

Landon aka Bluecheer

 

ps. I will not be accepting any return mail.

 

 

 

march, 2002

 

eternumpace: sugar, divining heaven, in a manner. I smell your skin soaked thoughts and know, what is inside me is also inside you..... HI!

0_sugar_0: lol, hi eternum! 

0_sugar_0: nice bit of poetic greeting by the way :o)

eternumpace: why are you always laughing at poor old me?

0_sugar_0: laughing with you, besides, you make me smile

eternumpace: i suppose that is all i will ever make you do :-)

0_sugar_0: :o)

0_sugar_0: ah eternum, a meeting of souls is better than of the flesh

eternumpace: hows things?

0_sugar_0: pretty good, busy day today, had a lot of piddling errands to run

eternumpace: what's that saying about a pound of flesh?

0_sugar_0: lol

eternumpace: no. seriously. what is that saying?

0_sugar_0: trying to recall how it goes

eternumpace: anyway. very pleased you managed to fit me into your busy schedule

0_sugar_0: hhhmmm, now Im gonna be laying in bed at 2 am trying remember how that saying goes

0_sugar_0: always time for friends eternum, if I ever get so busy I can't make time for ya, then I need to rearrange my priorities

eternumpace: i wish you would rearrange my priorities

0_sugar_0: :o)

eternumpace: is it a pound of flesh is worth an ounce of cure?

0_sugar_0: by jove I think you've got it!

0_sugar_0: that sounds right anyhow

0_sugar_0: chuckle, now I can sleep well tonight, not wondering how that saying goes

eternumpace: brb

0_sugar_0: k

eternumpace: oky doky

eternumpace: actually, i don't think that is it or no

eternumpace: wait

0_sugar_0: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

eternumpace: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure i think is what you are thinking of

0_sugar_0: bingo!

0_sugar_0: lol

eternumpace: well, anyway, a pound of flesh is worth a whole lot too i think

0_sugar_0: see we are typing it correctly at the same time

eternumpace: one pound on the right

eternumpace: one pound on the left

0_sugar_0: I think the pound of flesh refers to 'someone taking their pound of flesh' during wheeling and dealing in business relationships.  the "you can't get something for nothing" thing

eternumpace: ah. yes something about exacting a pound of flesh

eternumpace: oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conveive

0_sugar_0: LOL

eternumpace: i'm mixing my proverbs

0_sugar_0: well, the sheets get tangled in that proverb

0_sugar_0: lol

eternumpace: sheets get tangled? whatever are you talking about?

0_sugar_0: if you do it right during conception the sheets always end up on the floor

eternumpace: aaaah

0_sugar_0: instead of concieve, it should be decieve

eternumpace: that's deep

0_sugar_0: lol

eternumpace: deep thoughts

eternumpace: i'm having some deep thoughts right now

eternumpace: lol

0_sugar_0: :o)

0_sugar_0: you always have deep thoughts, it's why I enjoy you so much

eternumpace: you always intoxicate me. i don't know why

0_sugar_0: can't say, I know I enjoy you too

eternumpace: i become unwittingly incultated in your sordid sheet business

0_sugar_0: lol

eternumpace: lol

eternumpace: i bet you wear a punishing fragrance

eternumpace: have you got a web broswer on right now?

0_sugar_0: actually, I like the smell of white linen, but it's expensive stuff

0_sugar_0: no, have several people trying to im me at once though...lol

eternumpace: i bet

eternumpace: you are a popular gal

0_sugar_0: I can't figure out why though, Im just....me, lots of talkative people in vp, I always feel im pretty average

eternumpace: i, on the other hand, am living proof that one man is an island

0_sugar_0: reminds me of a song that simon and garfunkle did, I am a rock, I am an island

0_sugar_0: sad song

eternumpace: i am a sentinel of bad taste, a citadel of poetic flourish. what's not to like?

0_sugar_0: lol, you keep my trying to stay one step ahead of your keen comments and sharp wit

0_sugar_0: I enjoy that

eternumpace: does it make you hot? lol

eternumpace: liar liar pants on fire

0_sugar_0: lol....a guy once told me that in order for me to be enticed, a fellow would first have to stroke the grey matte between my ears, warm it up to warm up the rest...lol

0_sugar_0: gray matter that is...what can I say, I see intelligence and self confidance as being 'hot'

eternumpace: this guy was very smart

0_sugar_0: he was a good observer of human nature

eternumpace: very few people arouse me these days ho hum

0_sugar_0: really?  I figured you would be easily aroused, you seem to have a very sensual sense of wonder about things

eternumpace: i have like some attachment abandonment thing going on cause my mummy was an alchy and my parents's marriage was nonexistent in the love dpt. was that too much information?

0_sugar_0: brb, gonna grab some coffee

eternumpace: lol kk

0_sugar_0: k, Im back.  You know, hubby told me once, that men are attracted to me, not just because of my appearance, but because I'm an enigma, a mystery to be unwrapped.

0_sugar_0: He's not a very poetic guy, but he really surprised me when he said that

eternumpace: "not just because of my appearance" So, you are a hotty.

0_sugar_0: (shrugs) hell's bells, I always figured I was average looking, I think he's prejudiced myself being my hubby

0_sugar_0: Im not a real looker by any means

eternumpace: i have read some of your creative writing. certainly very mysterious

0_sugar_0: you have?  hhhmmm, there are only two people on the net I have ever shared it with, so you have to be one of those two

eternumpace: ha. now i am an enigma lol

eternumpace: janie was giving me some seriously excellent mental health counselling this morning. what a gal.

0_sugar_0: she is, I enjoy talking to janie

0_sugar_0: haven't seen her as much as I would like though

0_sugar_0: :o(

eternumpace: write this link down because I would like you to go see it when you get the chance. and perhaps it will also answer the mystery of who I may or may not be

eternumpace: http://www.geocities.com/rainbowserpent7/eXcite.html

eternumpace: janiepop was on about an hour ago

0_sugar_0: shoot, whats the addy?

0_sugar_0: you there?

eternumpace: http://www.geocities.com/rainbowserpent7/eXcite.html

 

0_sugar_0: hellooo?

eternumpace: hellooooooooooo

eternumpace: anyway, i thought would be all over that abandonment issue thing but no, i will be left to wander the earth without a warm sugar to suckle

0_sugar_0: lol, okay, I'll open up a browser and cut and paste it in

0_sugar_0: Landon?  wow, I havent seen you in ages!

0_sugar_0: how come you were away for so long?

0_sugar_0: you stopped coming in well before the excite proggy change over

0_sugar_0: ahhh, man, wondered what happened to you, was concerned

eternumpace: actually, i thought you knew it was me

0_sugar_0: you seemed to be very upset about a week before you left chat, not your usual self

0_sugar_0: had me worried

eternumpace: i did become terribly dour as I recall

0_sugar_0: wasn't sure, but the last email I got from you seemed so hostile, that I didn't think it was you

0_sugar_0: what happened?  several of us were worried about you

eternumpace: i was alright, just depressed i suppose. that wasn't very nice of me i admit

eternumpace: took me ages to get around to apologizing to jeanette(velvt)

0_sugar_0: I was worried it might be depression, your personality changed, not at all your normal self

eternumpace: well, i am on some medication now so i don't think that will happen again

eternumpace: i do apologize for the belligerent nature of me then, however.

0_sugar_0: huggles!  depression is a horrible experience, Im sorry you had to endure it

eternumpace: i have learned a lot about myself of late

0_sugar_0: good things I hope, as well as honest things you've learned

eternumpace: i think so. i hope so.

0_sugar_0: I don't blame you for what happened, depression is not your fault, you have no control over it

eternumpace: ever since i was about 19 i think i have grown up on the internet, not entirely but in many ways of expression.

0_sugar_0: there are so many ways to express what is inside, you happen to be comfortable with words, and art

eternumpace: i think the active self examination is the most important of all our freedoms, so easily neglected in the fallacy of "modernity" and "progress" not that I have anything in particular against these things

0_sugar_0: I understand, and have to agree with you

0_sugar_0: If I don't know myself, I can't truly know anything else either

eternumpace: thuse enters art, or even more importantly, to me anyway, symbol

0_sugar_0: I know my many faults and weaknesses, as well as my strengths and virtues

0_sugar_0: (nods head in agreement)  that is why art is so powerful, the symbols that hit our subconscious triggers and buttons

eternumpace: the reason i discern between "art" and symbol is simply that we as humans tend to categorize certain things as art and certain other things as not art

0_sugar_0: both are as individual in taste as each person that views the art, and the symbol.  One mans art, is another man's symbol

eternumpace: however, many years ago, i noticed (first in my subconcsious yes) and then in conscious thought, that the advertising i saw on television, this seeming relic of capitalism or citadel thereof, had most forms of spirituality that I was accustomed to to date, beat all to hell, to coin a phrase

0_sugar_0: yeah, I understand, media permates our lives with so much, it's become our 'god' and our spirits in many ways

eternumpace: that is, and I think this is also paramount to a free world and or the acitive self examinatoin (and here i draw from joseph campbell) there is and must needs be a universal or elementery symbol system common to all life

eternumpace: and that system is immanent in all forms, whether electronic or on cave walls

0_sugar_0: It's why I like Jung, he speaks a lot about archtypes

eternumpace: that is, it is diachronic, not bound by time or at least, not our narrow conception of time

0_sugar_0: archtypes are universal, regardless of age, religion, sex, etc

eternumpace: yes! archetypes, elementary ideas of being woven into the fabric of bing

eternumpace: being

eternumpace: well, anyway, to make a long story short, i think my individual journay is largely about healing my relationship with symbol

0_sugar_0: sounds like you've already won half the battle, knowing the problem, means you can solve the riddle given time, patience and effort

eternumpace: and the commiserate disparities with the commen impression or sentiments of symbol whichpermeate popular culture

eternumpace: yes. you're right of course.

0_sugar_0: wow, that is a mouthful what you just said...lol

eternumpace: that is culture, soul

eternumpace: the whole shebang

0_sugar_0: I guess my personal journey, was in understanding my own self worth came from within, not from without

eternumpace: same as mine I imagine. i just use a lot of tricky phrases

0_sugar_0: lol

0_sugar_0: :o)

0_sugar_0: it's good to have you back, landon

eternumpace: it took me a long time to really see that my father was a) a loving and intelligent human being worthy of all my respect and b) a sociopath with a pathology that cleaves me in half, at least the part of me that has a biological need for a mutually loving relationsip

eternumpace: and those parts of me come together in the fruits of my life and labour and love, poetry - somehing my dad will never understand and a knowledge he will never be privy to, hence my dilemma

0_sugar_0: yeah, I had to resolve some issues about my father and my past, hard to love and hate someone at the same time.  I had to learn to forgive, and to see I could love my 'dad', and hate the action, seperate the action from the man.  It didn't exonerate him or excuse him, only helped me not be torn up by it

0_sugar_0: ahhh wow, not to be able to share and have your poetry appreciated....damn, that does hurt

eternumpace: yes. that is a good good point. i no longer feel as torn up by it.

0_sugar_0: your poetry and art are such a big part of how you express yourself

eternumpace: none of my family reads me and I like it that way

0_sugar_0: :o)

eternumpace: they have no conception of what it means to make art for a living

0_sugar_0: mine know me like a book!  they didn't when I was a teenager, there was too much friction in the household then

0_sugar_0: as long as you are fulfilled by what you do for a living, it doesn't really matter what they think of it does it?

0_sugar_0: they are not living your life, you are

eternumpace: well, mabye they know me better than I know. that could very well be. i wouldn't put it passed them :-)

0_sugar_0: lol, sneaky devils huh?  know and not let on...lol

eternumpace: i also understand that mine is an individual path and that is what i have chosen

0_sugar_0: yup, as long as it's your choice, follow your path with pride and happiness

eternumpace: the key for me came when i realized that my well being rested solely on me (as you said). that didn't really sink in until i realized that most of my conflict was with my self and no one else

eternumpace: i think that is still sinking in

0_sugar_0: I heard an actor say this once:  If I never had become famous, never made a lot of money, I would still be happy living in a 2 room apartment eating tuna fish sandwiches, as long as I got the chance to act on a stage.

eternumpace: yes. i can relate to that. the vocation.

0_sugar_0: :o) be patient and kind to yourself, it does take some time to really hit home once the original revelation occurs

eternumpace: that is good advice.

0_sugar_0: first you have the revelation, the moment of epiphany, then you learn to live it

eternumpace: funny thing. it was a stage actress that really defined vocation for me (on tv of all things)

0_sugar_0: I'm going to spend the rest of my life, learning to live what I've discovered within myself

0_sugar_0: yeah?  which actress?

eternumpace: sorry i don't remember. she is a canadian actress i know

eternumpace: or i don't know, as the case may be

0_sugar_0: brb, I think someone pulled up in the drive

eternumpace: anyway, i have discovered that if that same essential even elemental drama is going on in me now then and forever... oky doky

eternumpace: i was going to finish, "then nothing else matters"

eternumpace: my cognizance of that "jihad" is the measure of my success or anybodies

0_sugar_0: Im back, hubby just got home

eternumpace: aaah.

0_sugar_0: jihad...good way to put it, at war with your own spirit

eternumpace: yes. a good war i hope

eternumpace: a worthwhile war

eternumpace: there is an indian phrase, "marga"

0_sugar_0: according to what nad told me, a jihad is a war against darkness, against evil, so I would say, you are fighting the good fight

eternumpace: it means "the path" as in  follow the path of the beast to the heart of yourself, the cave inside yourself

0_sugar_0: Jung would have liked that phrase

eternumpace: yes, he probably was, especially since the speaker of it to me (campbell) was influenced by Jung

0_sugar_0: you know, after dealing with a prescription medication that put me into a severe depression as a side affect, I know that it stripped me to my core, got rid of all that was dragging me down.  I became nothing but spiritual bones.  I chose what I fleshed those bones out with when I rebuilt myself

0_sugar_0: that is what you are doing now

eternumpace: it is matched by the phrase "Desi" pronounced "deshee" which means the local custom of the beast or "the path"

eternumpace: so the internet or excite chat is our Desi

0_sugar_0: :o)

0_sugar_0: it's one route, one road among many roads and paths

eternumpace: yes

0_sugar_0: I have to go for now, but Im so glad you trusted me enough to reveal yourself!  thank you.

eternumpace: yes. i have had a few breakdowns in my life so i know what it is like to rebuild this temple so to speak

eternumpace: the amazing landong ta da

eternumpace: well, it was good talking to you

eternumpace: bye for now:-)

0_sugar_0: spiritual house cleaning, think of it as getting rid of the dust bunnies...lol

0_sugar_0: bye and take care :o)

eternumpace: true lol

Excite Private Messenger: 0_sugar_0 has logged out. (3/27/2002 at 4:52 PM)

 

HOME*

 

janiepop: helloooo

eternumpace: helloooo

eternumpace: bet you c an't believe i'm still here

janiepop: how's the rest of the day been

janiepop: busy here but looking forward to the break

eternumpace: my break will be in approx 20 mins

janiepop: a happy and a blessed Easter ...from your Aussie mate

janiepop: the catholic church call then high holy days

janiepop: hi

janiepop: them

eternumpace: oh. yeah. happy easter. put another bunnie on the barby

janiepop: I need to move along hun

eternumpace: okies. you take excellent care of your self. have a good break.

janiepop: are you still there from this morning eh

eternumpace: yep. its one of those dayz i guess

janiepop: having fun ?

eternumpace: i ws until that nagging need for food kicked in. i did have a nice chat with sugar. she misses talking to you she says

eternumpace: i guess you two will cross paths again soon

janiepop: if you are enjoing your self then good on ya if you're not you're probably learning something valuable

janiepop: and that is still good

janiepop: not all of life is fun ........but as long as we're learning from the experience

eternumpace: man, lady. you are one wise ol elf.

janiepop: see ya matey

janiepop: good talk this morn ..I appreciate the time you spent with me

eternumpace: i appreciate your time as well. g'nite, or g'day, mate!

janiepop: time with one another is a great gift

eternumpace: i'm learning that

janiepop: so I bid you farewell

eternumpace: bon appetite and bon voyage eat all yoru bon bons

janiepop: lol