apartment hunting

we’ve all experienced homelessness in our lives

this is my address, in my new position as housing coordinator for tent city,

talking to our city counsellors and some representatives from that burgenoning squat in no-man’s-land

Commercial: (Real estates for the homeless—which stands for Rugged Environments And Low Effort Subsided Terms Arresting Targets Easier Settlement for the homeless.. we haven’t come up with an extenda phrase for the "for the homeless" part).

Highly toxic sludge competes with panoramic views of the I-used-to-swim-in-that-but-I won’t-let-my-kid-go-near-it-now Lake OntariO –or, the whatareyoudoinglater, let’sgodowntothelake

andcheckoutthecondo’s Lake, Condo, affectionately known as lake condo, or lake condom, depends on where you’re walking, or the that’s our sewer for all of Toronto, Lake GTA Sewer-O, or let’s go over to toronto island and pretend it’s ok to go swimming lake –lake Denial-o –and then catch a deadly skin organism like the one we read about in grade thirteen, you know that little one celled organism that crawls inside your pee pee if you pee pee in the wa wa and kills you 0r at least makes you feel really itchy….Lake Denial-O…(like de-nile Ohhhh)

anyway, yes, tent city, it’s on the Lake.

Members of tent city, your endeavour , a microcosmic world much like the GReater Toronto area itself, Olivia, and other esteemed Counsellors, I don’t recognize any of you from the streets, except Olivia, but I’m sure that I can say with great confidence and assurance

we’ve all experienced homelessness at some point in our lives…

(well I’d say that’s pretty universal all right

I don’t know where you come from

but where I come from

it’s pretty hard

to find a decent place to live!

But maybe you’re from Sweden

or some other ikeaified country

where everyone has a wall to wall carpeted unit— there is respect for housing as a human right)

anyway as I was saying,

couch surfing through a college symester, living at your girlfriend’s and she kicks you out, in between jobs, you take a trip and give up your apartment, you come back and there’s none to be had, what do you do?

on top of it you’re broke, you have a child, no education of any meaning, you haven’t worked in five years, you have chronic fatigue syndrome… these are some of the issues that might have faced you… as it is, we’re talking about me, but no one said this was going to be relevant, did they?

listen up, you’re hear for a lecture

and your damn well going to learn something

if I have to pop a blood vessel to do it,

now settle down there at the back

oh I mean it now, now you’ve gone and done it,

now you’ve set me off

(as if taking a cue from the audience)

oh, ok, ya, back to the script

that’s my speech writer there

hi! how’m I doin’?

well back to homelessness and housing

recently I was slightly homelessness myself, you know we need a homelessness indicator like some people are homeless with lots of options, friends, places to go, and money to grab the perfect place when it does pop up for $20 a square foot. then there’s others who’re so homeless they don’t even have a proper pair of shoes!

so then their home is the earth,

go back to the earth my brothers and sisters,

back to the land!

Ah, yes, I see the way –

the enlightenment of the age of walking the earth barefoot

has come upon me!

Come my children, with me,

take off your shoes, yes and feel the earth,

beneath your feet

now pound those feet on the earth

that is the sound of people walking the earth!!!

Some people are made to WALK! And be free! Fly like a Bird!

And that’s what we’re going to do my friends

and politicians, my politician friends,

each and every one of you is going to partner up

with a homeless person and walk them,

both of you barefoot we hope ideally,

at least while we’re filming,

and lite skin tone sandles available at MEC

for $179 for the rest of the walk…

be it Jane and Finch,

Lawrence and Yonge,

I tell you I –that is we -- got this homelessness thing won!

Let’s all have a cheer

for my count-sell-oarz

here who have pledged to individually help five homeless a year!

Have no fear, the rest can stay,

no rent, no pay

at the toxicwaste site just outta sight

of the financial core

of this city’s war

what for? what for?

(caw like a raven)

the raven caws, the raven caws

what has cawz this raven to caws?

a riddle for the audience

a riddle for the rowdi-ants

the raven caws in times of death

will you fail or pass the test?

who caused the deaths of those on floor 29?

need we go into the details of the crime?

I say no, the answer is simple

we are the cause of the deaths

of those on floor 129

we flew the plain

we drove the train

we built the building

we asked people to do those jobs

for us,

we wanted to be like them

I bet no one wants to work in a highrise now huh?

who want’s to live in one?

do we deserve basements,

do we deserve skyskrapers,

do we deserve toxic waste.

just because we are poor?

look at what you rich sons

of sorry ass sons

are doing to us, to our earth

here is my dance of liberation

from the mighty mask of globilization

inviting you into this transformation

take some E and get naked

do you need that extra lung,

no you don’t give me some

do you need your hair or skin

I’ve got a buyer who likes it thin

dumb ditty ditty dumb ditty ditty dumb

everyone must now shake thumbs

trust me it’s done where I come from

just reach up and shake it

if you want you can snake it

if you have to you can fake it

Just don’t say you haven’t been to the lake yet!

Thanks everyone

you’ve been so much fun

it’s been great I gotta run

be back next time to let you know

how that tent city garden’s growing