Welcome to the Psyciatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press one repetedly;

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone else to press two;

If you have multiple personalities press three, four, five and six now;

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want so just stay on the line long enough for us to trace your call;

If you are Schizophrenic listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press;

If you are manic depressive: it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer anyway.

Thank you
Have a nice day
^_^