C&C will insure the survival of these rare fanfics. Don't say goodbye. ^_^

    Cloud blinked his eyes and quickly dashed away his tears. They had done it. Their world was safe from Sephiroth's threat. He clenched his jaw in emotional anguish. Yes, safe from Sephiroth. And he had killed the man he loved. Not one time, but three times over.

    The blond smiled at the memory of his beloved's chosen forms. The first, dark and forboding, like Seph's militant side. His hurt and anger and ambition. Then the light, an angel with two halos and four sets of wings like the side he'd always shown Cloud. His gentleness, his loving and kindness. He had loved that side very much. Loved the fact that Sephiroth just touched him on every possible occasion. Just a little caress, but enough to let them share so much more. That was the man who would cuddle him close and read ancient stories to him from so long ago. The one who was embarrassed to wear his glasses in public. He smiled. Those memories always warmed him even as now they tore him apart.

    //And then, just him. Sephiroth. Like I knew him before. Human and imperfect but still so close to it that I couldn't tell the difference. I never knew if that was a love thing or a Sephiroth thing.// His smile faded, //and now I'll never know.//

    He sat on the balcony of his home in Costa Del Sol and finally allowed the tear to run freely. He'd saved the world, but at the price of his soul. He felt like without his beloved he was only half whole.

    After the battle he'd been touched by the lifestream, the conciousness of the Cetera. He could hear them now, but he couldn't hear Sephiroth among them. He hadn't gone into the lifestream and that hurt even more. He had not only killed but damned him. The Cetera offered no answers. They were glad Sephiroth was gone. //How can there be a world with no Sephiroth?// Cloud bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. "Sephiroth."

    "Cloud?"

    Deep mako blue eyes shot up and he tried to wipe the tears away before they were seen. No such luck.

    Zack knelt beside his friend who'd offered him shelter while he healed after Shinra's assassination attempt. Cloud hadn't kicked him out yet, even though he was all better and back to normal. He was glad Cloud didn't make him go. The blond looked like he needed a friend. //Of course he does! You of all people should know what the whole war did to him!//

    "Cloud, it's ok to cry for him."

    The blond gave up hiding his aching tears and looked out over the sunset, "I know."

    "It's ok to miss him."

    "I would even if it wasn't ok."

    He sighed in annoyance, "Cloud, TALK to me! I know this is eating you up inside! Why won't you talk about it?!"

    "Talking won't change what I've done." He stode stiffly and entered the house, "I'm going to bed."

    Zach could only follow him, "Sleep won't change it."

    He sat down and covered his face with his hands, "I know. He's always there. I dream. Even when I'm awake I dream about him. I loved him."

    "Hey, I loved him too. Maybe not the same kind of love, but he 'was' my best friend. I miss him, I dream about him, but . . ."

    "But what?"
 
    "Life goes on."

    Cloud snorted, "Yeah. Goodnight Zach."

    He took the hint and lay on his own bed quietly, listening the Cloud's muffled sobs. It was like this every night, and he could do nothing. It drove him crazy that he couldn't fix this, but only Sephiroth could do that. And Sephiroth was gone.

    "Seph." Cloud sobbed, "Seph I'm sorry! I love you!"

    "Oh Cloud." Zach turned away from the shaking ex-soldier and left Cloud alone in his dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Cloud's Dream/Memories*
~In The Beginning of The Ultimate Quest~
 
 

    "So Cloud, I wanna ask ya somethin'. Were there any Soldiers fighting us today?"

    "No."

    "You sound sure."

    "If they had you'd be dead."

    "Cloud!" Tifa admonished him.

    The blond grit his teeth and steeled his jaw. He fought for what he had to. Couldn't they just let it sit like that? Why did everything have to be about a cause to them? "I'm going back up."

    "Cloud. . ."

    Barret sneared, "Let the little shit go. Looks like he still has a soft spot for Shinra."

    "No way!" Cloud snarled, "I don't owe Shinra or Soldier a damn thing!" He pressed into Barret's space and glarred, "But don't think I have any love for Avalanch or the planet either." He grit his teeth and looked at Tifa, "Bye."

    "Cloud, make peace ok? For me?"

    He almost groaned, Tifa had been the only one to ever believe in him in his home town, was the only one left. He couldn't disappoint her. But facing what he had lost hurt so baddly. He forced himself to take Barret's bellowing about the evil of Shinra and Soldiers and then escaped to be alone as soon as he could. Gods it hurt. He remembered his promise to Tifa alright. He remembered all of the words he'd said, all of the dreams. Some soldier he turned out to be.

    'I wanna be just like Sephiroth, the Great Sephiroth!'

    What a joke. Sephiroth had been like a shooting star lighting up his life for a breif instant before crashing into his dreams and crushing them in it's firey depths. They wondered, all of them, why he could be so cold. It was simple. He had no heart left. It was all with the silver haired monster who inhabited the body of his commander, lover, and best friend. //Sephiroth. I miss you. Miss you so much.//

    "Cloud."

    He cringed inside. Couldn't Barret let him be just for a moment? Let him honor the memories of  the lost? Of course not. His mouth was so big you could fit all of Midgar into it, and it never stayed shut.

    "Here."

    Cloud looked at the bag of Gil. So little. He had expected to make enough to find Sephiroth. Not this pitiance. "Your kidding."

    "What?!"

    //Mental note. Never argue money with the ape.// "You have the next mission lined up? I'll do it for 3000."

    "2000."

    Cloud nodded, it would help. Soon he would have enough. He just hoped he'd get it together in time to help his angel. "Deal."

    Tifa thanked him then, but this wasn't about thanks. This was about money to enable him to be with his lover. In good or evil. Sephiroth was his soul. He couldn't let him go so easily.

    Barret's words came back to him, 'he's still soft for Shinra.'

    //No. I'm not soft for Shinra or Soldier, never was. I was there for Sephiroth. I'm in Avalanche for Sephiroth. Everything I do is for him. Gods keep him until I get there. Please.//

~Some Years Earlier~

    Cloud stood in silent awe with the rest of the new trainies who had passed basics. He was going to see Sephiroth! Sure it was with a crowd of five hundred or so and Sephiroth was standing apart from them all on a lifted stage, but it was HIM!

    "You look. . . radient." His basic trainer laughed, "You really have a thing for him don't you."

    The blond blushed deep, "Thing? No Zach, no thing. I just never thought I'd make it this far. I mean, it's  Sephiroth! He's right there! He's talking to me!"

    "You and a hundred dozen others."

    "But it's still to me too."

    The black haired man closed his eyes and grinned, "You have it bad."

    "Huh?"

    "Nothing. I have to go onto the stage now."

    "You mean you get to be UP there?! WITH him?!"

    Zach chuckled, "I AM your trainer." He reminded his friend, "We share barraks, it's nothing new."

    "To YOU maybe!"

      He gave an amused snort, "See ya spike."

    "Don't call me spike."

    "Whatever you say spikey." He baited.

    Cloud wasn't even listening anymore. Sephiroth had begun to speak. Zach sighed and smiled a small smile. "Oh no Cloud, No thing for him what-so-ever."
 
 

    Sephiroth looked out over the hundreds of young men before him, all of them there at Shinra because of him. He blinked, the only outward sign of his inner unrest. //Where is Zach?! He's late!//

    The glint of the noon sun off of a head of sun shine gold hair caught his eyes and he unconciously turned toward it. Zach was speaking to the sunny haired boy. Probably a student of his. The kid was something different. And he had mako eyes. A born fighter.

    The mako gaze turned to Sephiroth and the boy said something and smiled brightly, like his whole world was coming to a halt for his joy. And his focus seemed to be. . . //Me? Ah, another of my admirers. He has a lot of potential as a Soldier. And maybe more. . .//

    He watched his comrade conclude the conversation and head for the stage and so he began the speach he'd recited a thousand times. But this time. . . he actually meant it.

    "Welcome to Shinra. You have been chosen to become more than men, and a choice few, more than that even. Soldiers. Out of every hundred of you, one will join the ranks of Soldier. I am glad to see you here and want you to know, if you work hard, one day maybe we will fight side by side for the glory of our people. You make your people proud."

    Zach climbed the stage as applause roared up and whispered to his brother at arms, "You saw him?"

    "The one you were talking to."

    "Yeah."

    "I saw him."

    Zach smiled and Sephiroth had the sensation of being a bug in a jair, being studied and manipulated by a much bigger force. Zach looked like he was planning something.
 
 
 

    Day came early for the new special forces trainees. Sleep being a precious commoditty now. Cloud Strife was up with the sun and already drilling himself. He was clumsy and a bit more weak than the others. The trainee knew he would have to become the top of the class, so that he could fight beside his hero.

    "Cloud?" Zack yawned and walked out of the commander's barraks, "What are you doing up so early?"

    "I have to train."

    He nodded, "You know, running is wonderful training."

    "Really?"

    "Yeah, there's a really great view down the eastern path near the base border."

    Cloud nodded and smiled, "Ok! See ya at breakfast!"

    Zach smiled and whispered to himself as Cloud ran toward the path he'd pointed out. "I hope you have better things to do by then."
 
 

    //Zach was right. This feels great!// Cloud pushed himself at full sprint through the woods that formed the border. Unfortunately the tree root in the path didn't share his sentiments. The young man's foot struck it and he tumbled head over heels until he hit something hard with his skull.

    "Ouch!"

    "I was about to say the same thing."

    His eyes flew open and Cloud found himself staring up at a man with eyes like his own. Mako eyes. "Um. . . sorry. . ." He swallowed and extracted himself from the stranger's lap. "Heh, I ah. . . . I was just training a little before call."

    "You must work very hard."

    "I have too, if I want to be the best."

    "And why would you want that?"

    "To fight beside Sephiroth." Cloud blushed a bit, "You . . . you from Soldier?"

    "Yes."

    "You working for them?"

    "At the moment I'm just reading."

    "Oh! I'm sorry! I'll just um. . . go. . . now. . . I didn't mean to. . ."

    "Stay." He asked softly. "Please."

    Cloud hesitated but finally sat down and let his eyes take in the man whose lap he'd landed in. The guy was sitting beneith the guilty, tripping tree in plain jeans and a brown sleeveless top. His silver white hair was tied up in a ponytail that hung so long it faned out on the ground beside him, and a pair of glasses perched on his nose as he finished the page he'd been on and closed the novel with a slight smile.

    "I don't often get to talk to people."

    "Why? Are you shy?"

    "No." He grinned and shook his head, "I'm a hero."

    "Like Sephiroth."

    "Yes." It was said reluctantly, "People don't just 'talk' to heros. They preen and pose and try to impress."

    Cloud nodded, "I caught myself doing that the first time I met Sephiroth, but when I realized that I was doing it, I stopped. After all, there's already enough people falling all over themselves in this base."

    "I believe we'll be good friends. What is your name?"

    "Cloud. Cloud Strife. Soldier hopeful and trainee second class."

    "I'm Roth."

    Cloud took the offered hand and stiffened in shock as tingles of fire raced up his arm. "Um. . ."

    "Come on, sit  a while."

    "I should be getting back to base. . ."

    "Please."

    The blond smiled brightly and nodded, "All right. What are you reading?"

    "A classic. Harpy Thyme by Piers Anthony. I find it refreshing in the midst of so much seriousness to read complete nonsense."

    Cloud nodded, "Yeah. I always carry a book with me, for when I get bored."

    "You have one with you now?"

    He blushed, "Um. . ."

    "What? It isn't rebelious is it?"

    "No. . . it's ah. . ." He bit his lip, "A romance novel."

    The other man leaned back and regaurded him a moment then burst into laughter, "Now that was not expected!"

    "I like to. . ." He blushed and stopped.

    Roth leaned in closer, "What?"

    "To think that it could happen to me."

    "What could?"

    "That kind of love."

    The white haired man touched his face softly, "So you are a romantic."

    "I try not to be."

    "Why would you do that?"

    "It hurts less to be realistic."

    "So speaks someone who's been hurt."

    "No. . . someone who will be hurt."

    "Why?"

    "Because I fell in love with my hero."

    "The untouchable Sephiroth?"

    "Yes. He would never be interested in me."

    "There's a lot to be interested in though."

    "Like what?!"

    "Romance. Beauty. Sweetness. You're a dreamer." He looked Cloud up and down and pursed his lips before nodding, "Your weapon of choice will always be a blade, and you're probably a cat lover too."

    "You're observant."

    "That's part of my job."

    Cloud leaned into the offered embace and rested his head on Roth's shoulder. "Thanks. I needed a hug just then."

    "So did I." He smiled. "So, have you already given your dreams to Sephiroth?"

    "Not completely. Why?"

    Roth smiled, "Because I would like to court you, if you would allow."

    The blond's eyes went wide, "Court me?"

    "Yes."

    "We just met! How do you know. . ."

    "I feel it."

    "Are you a romantic too?"

    "I could be. You seem to bring it out in me."

    "I'm. . . I'm kinda glad."

    "You know what? Me too. Would you meet me here? Tomorrow morning?"

    "Yes. I. . . I would like that very much."

    "It won't take too much time from your training will it?"

    Cloud smiled at Roth's caring question. "I think I can fit you into my schedule."

    "Tell me about yourself." The white haired man smiled, "Why did you join soldier?"

    "Well. . . Sephiroth. Mostly. I wanted to be like him."

    "What did your parents think of you joining?"

    "Mom was. . ."

    They talked for a long while. Sharing secret smiles and soft touches of a new hopeful couple. Finally Cloud pulled back and shook his head, "I've been here too long, I probably missed call."

    "You have to go."

    "Yeah. I'll be here though. Tomorrow."

    One large, elegant hand took his gloved fingers and brought them to the sculpted lips. "I would be honored if you could."

    "This isn't a novel."

    Roth grinned, "Which is why I only kissed your hand instead of capturing you and running off into the sunset."

    "That's a nice image, but it would probably be sunrise wouldn't it?"

    "It is night time Cloud."

    "oh." He leaned forward slowly, his eyes glued to perfect lips as his own parted slightly.

    "Cloud." Roth's eyes drifted shut.

    "Roth. . . WAIT A MINUET! NIGHT TIME!??!"  Cloud jumped back in shock and looked up through the trees, "Shit! Oh Shit! I'm gonna get it! Zach's gonna kill me! I have to go!"

    "Until tomorrow?"

    "Uh. . . yeah, I'll be. . . here?"

    "I will be waiting with quickened breath."

    He blushed again. "Heh, I. . . you. . . I've got to go."

    It wasn't until he was back at the barraks that he realized Roth had said very little about his past or present. He had focused more on his thoughts and feelings. Not that it was a bad thing, but it made him feel like he'd talked too much. //I'll ask him about himself tomorrow.//

    "Cloud!"

    "Zack!"

    "You missed the whole day's training."

    He froze, "Um. . . hi? Zack? I can explain. . ."

    "Cloud, I know what you were doing, it's fine. This time. No more slacking though. You should both know better."

    "Yes sir."

    "At least you have the excuse of being new. Sephiroth should have known though. I'm going to have it out with him after I'm done with you."

    "S. . . Sephiroth?!"

    "I know you guys got to talking, it's ok, I yell at him all the time. He's used to it."

    "Why do you think. . . Sephiroth?"

    "Yeah." Zach teased, "Tall guy, long while hair, mako eyes? Reading glasses? Ring a bell?"

    "Shit."

    "Cloud!" Zack caught the Soldier as his legs gave out on him. "Cloud what's wrong?!"

    "I didn't. . . He was so. . . He didn't say. . ."

    Zach's eyes widened with realization, "He didn't tell you who he was did he. And with those glasses on and his hair back he would look almost completely different. . . Shit. Cloud I messed up. I didn't mean. . ."

    "I told him!"

    "What?"

    "We were talking about books and romance and then I TOLD him that I was in love with Sephiroth. . . and he just sat there and frowned and smiled through it when the whole time. . ."

    "Cloud. Cloud! Breath! Come on. I'll talk to him and. . ."

    "NO!"

    "Cloud?"

    "I. . . he. . . just, just leave me alone."

    Zach watched the trainee run off into the dark and glarred toward the officer's barraks, "Shit."
 
 
 
 

~tbc~