Part Three:

 I woke up in a hospital room.  The first thing I did was curse and cry,
and when the nurse felt that it was safe to approach me, she gently touched
my arm. She was probably afraid I was going to rip off her head or
something.  That would have been really hard though, since both of my arms
were handcuffed to the bed.  To my disgust, I was wearing one of those
annoying hospital gowns with the tied backs, and the knots were digging
into my skin.

 "Why am I here?  I was supposed to die," I complained, my voice scratched
and hoarse.  It sounded like crap.  I looked at my arms, where I had cut
them.  Two long scabs were there, and it looked like they were going to
scar pretty badly.  The nurse looked at me piteously.

 "Your friends brought you in.  They are waiting out in the lobby, should I
bring them in?"

 "I don't have any friends," I muttered.  "If they were really my friends
they would have let me die, not have brought me here."  The nurse pulled
away from me.  She was really scared now.  I grinned widely at her, the
grin that made me look like a total maniac.

 "Sir?" she asked cautiously.  I sat straight, my mind beginning to blur.

 "Did they tell you who I was?  I was a soldier," I hissed to her, grinning
even wider.  I pulled on my arm. "I was a Gundam pilot.  02.  Did they tell
you that before they sent you up here?"

 My arm was free now, and I grabbed the nurse's wrist.  "They did, didn't
they?  And they told you that I was a bloodthirsty freak, because I piloted
a Gundam.  Maybe they were right.  You hate me, don't you?  Just like you
hated Heero.  You hate us all."

 "Sir, my arm... Please, you're hurting me!"  She tried to pull away, and I
blinked, realizing what I had just done, what I had just said.  I felt a
wave of self-loathing wash over me.  I let her go, and fell back onto thebed.

 "Shit...  I'm sorry, really," I said, blinking back tears.  "I just miss
Heero..."

 The nurse pursed her lips, massaging her wrist.  "Was Heero your friend?"

 "He was the best friend in this whole crazy universe.  And now he's gone,
and I don't know what to do."  I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, they
ran down my cheeks in swift rivers.  The nurse hesitated, then wiped away
the wet tears for me.  She smiled softly.

 "I had a younger brother who died in the war, and a friend," she told me
softly.  "Sometimes we who were not on the battle field forget that the
soldiers have feelings too, and that they too have lost their loved ones."

 I blinked up at her.  Was it possible that there was someone who didn't
hate us, the Gundams, for what we did?  For what we were supposed to
represent?  This pretty little nurse, a blonde with deep gray eyes and pale
hands, understood?  This girl who had lost her friends, she didn't hate us
for what we had done, even we were the ones who destroyed her relatives?
She was a novelty.

 She smiled at me, then walked away. It was a warm feeling inside, to know
we were understood.  It almost made me feel normal.  Almost.  The door
opened, and the guys walked in.

 Wufei was the first to speak.  "Maxwell, you baka."

 "I know.  I stared at the arm I had pulled loose, so that I could avoid my
friend's eyes.  They were hurt that I had tried to do this.  They were hurt
that I had even thought about it.  I could hear it in Wufei's voice, see it
in the way Quatre was standing, the way Trowa wouldn't stop looking around
the room, avoiding my eyes as I was avoiding theirs.  "I... just wanted to
be with Heero again..." my voice trailed off as I choked back tears.  I
refused to cry in front of them.

 Wufei grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at them.  I bit my lip and
looked him square in the eye.  His eyes were teary too....

 He sighed.  "Maxwell, Yuy was our friend as well, remember."  I shifted my
gaze away, and Wufei frowned, understanding what I was leaving unsaid.

"And killing yourself is no way to rediscover each other."

 "They never found his body."

"Huh?" I stared at Trowa.  "What did you say?"

 Trowa looked up, meeting my eyes.  He looked a bit guilty.  "They never
found his body."

This was news.  "What are you talking about?" I asked.

 Trowa swallowed.  "That last mission.  We were all there.  Wing Zero
plummeted towards Earth, just as the battle ceased.  Remember?"

 I nodded slowly.  "Of course I remember.  It's hard to forget something
like that."  I reached up to my neck and groped for my cross.  "I could
have saved him."

 "I doubt it," Wufei told me.  "I don't think any of us could have savedYuy."

 "They found the remains of Zero, but not Heero.  The cockpit was burned
and had shattered on impact, but Heero was nowhere to be found.  He could
still be alive."

 "So what did they bury in the cemetery?" I asked.  This wasn't right, I
should have heard it before.  A long time before.  Why the Hell hadn't
Trowa told me?

 "An empty casket."  Wufei stared at his feet.  "I thought the three of us
agreed not to inform him, Barton."

 So they had all known.  I didn't know which hurt more, that my friends had
kept me in the dark because they thought they would be helping me, or the
ugly feeling of hatred that was growing deep inside of me.

 "Which is worse?  That one should die for what may not be true, or live
for a frail hope?" Trowa asked. Quatre's face was pale, and Trowa hugged
the blonde tightly.  Wufei frowned, glancing at me again.  I fell back onto
the bed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

 "We didn't want to get your hopes up, my friend.  That was our first
mistake," Quatre replied, fastening himself to Trowa's neck.  "We are
sorry."  I swallowed hard. "Heero isn't dead."

 Wufei shook his head.  "We didn't say that."

 "No, you said they didn't find his body.  He's the Perfect Soldier, he
can't be dead."  I started rant excitedly.  "Heero isn't dead."

 "This is why we didn't want to tell him, Barton."

 "I know."  Trowa and Quatre shared a glance, then walked solemnly out of
the room.  Wufei turned to me.

 "Duo, we're going to take you home.  But I want you to promise me that you
won't try something stupid like trying to kill yourself again, or go
searching for a lost cause." "You just used my first name."

 "I know.  Friend's do that.  Promise me?"  Wufei was grim, his eyes cold.
But I could see that he really did want me to agree. "I promise."

~tbc

~*Hawk*~