Who: Irvine Kinneas, Selphie Tilmitt
Where: Irvine's Dorm Room.
Why:  Irvine finally tells Selphie what happened to him.
Date of Log:  September 16, 2000.



It's well after midnight, the time when all the good little Cadets and SeeDs are in their beds, sleeping soundly. And Irvine is actually being a good boy tonight, having fallen asleep next to Selphie sometime ago. The room is dark, save for the faintest sliver of moonlight, amplified outside by the pure white blanket of snow surrounding Garden. Things seem relatively quiet, only the deep breathing of slumber can be heard. Irvine, however, isn't doing quite as well in his dreams. He turns over abruptly, back to Selphie now, body reacting to whatever nightmare currently plagues him. ".... 'n touch me." Oh, even talking in his sleep.

Though her body rests, Selphie's mind is getting it's daily shot of abnormal activity. Having some random dream involving people wearing balloon-type face masks so that their voices will sound as if they were really talking from a phone -- though the reason behind said actions isn't really known -- the girl flits to another dream, just as soon as the last one becomes clear to her. Something about a super-market, but it's not -really- a super-marker, because it's partially Irvine's dorm room, and purchasing oranges -- even if they turned into grapes by the time she purchased them... You know how dreams are. However, Irvine saunters up to her in -this- dream, and randomly says, "... 'n touch me." Blinking at him in dream-land, Selphie just scoots closer to the cowboy as he moves in 'reality.' She's a heavy sleeper.

The physical world seems to interact with Irvine's dreams far more then most people. Selphie drawing in closer is seen as a bad thing, since this paticular dream is really bad, stemming back a few months ago to an incident the gunman has largely tried to forget ever happened. "Let go... want with me..." he mumbles, rolling over again as Selphie scoots closer. He's pressed against the wall now however. His hands seem to be crossed in front of him, as if they were bound even though it's clear they're not.

Being even more perplexed by the Dream-Irvine's comments, 'Let go,' and the like, Dream-Selphie gets thoroughly lost. She isn't even touching him, and yet she apologizes in the dream, worried. It's then, of course, that a largish black hand-shaped shadow stems from the greeting-card aisle, plucking Irvine up as if he were a doll. Eek! As he's pulled back into the evile-ness of the Greeting Card Aisle, that's seemingly a cue for her to waken, the image of the cowboy being taken from her fresh in her mind as her eyes snap open. "..." ...A dream. Right?

Though Selphie appears to have woken up, Irvine has not just yet. His body is so tense you'd think something was about to snap. His hands, still acting like they're bound are pushing downward, as if trying to ward someone away from himself. His head suddenly turns downward, burying his face into the pillow. "Please... don't. You sick fuck." His voice is getting louder, and definately sounds a lot more desperate.

...Er, maybe -not- a dream. Eyes focusing on the cowboy's back, it doesn't take Selphie very long to realize that he's having a nightmare. Sitting up groggily, one hand rubrubbing at her eye idly, the girl looks down at him; aren't you supposed to leave people having nightmares alone? She remembers hearing that once, though can't for the life of her figure out why that would be a -good- thing. At Irvine's desperate comments, the Sleepy SeeD is taken aback -- what the hell is going on in his head? Deciding to first go about this carefully, Selphie places one hand on the Cadet's back, and one on his shoulder, gently. "...Irvy...?", is whispered, tentatively. Waah!

Irvine literally jumps at Selphie's touch, screaming at her while still locked in the thrall of the nightmare. "Goddammit, I don't want this!" He twists around again, back against the wall now and his hands moved up to his face, as if trying to block something out, not see it in the dream. His breathing is even heavy, sweat coating his brow. Whatever this nightmare is, it's utterly terrifying to him and he can't seem to get out of it. He even kicks, though it's more of his legs jerking silghtly, not enough to strike Selphie or do more then twitch.

Well, goodness. Selphie was already kinda edgy about this as it is, and Irvine screaming at her and jumping doesn't really help. She screams herself in response to his sudden actions -- more of a yelp, really -- and scoots instincitvely away. Unfortunately, she scoots farther than the bed actually reaches, and rather finds herself on the ground; legs tangled in the sheets, so that she's in a rather uncomfortable position. "--Waah!" ...He -scared- her! Okay, so much for leaving him be. No way. Scrambling to loosen her leg from the sheet and get back up on the bed, Selphie doesn't really wait until she's up to try and wake him. "--Irvine! -Irvine-! Wakeup, wakeup!" Waaah! What's going on?

Somewhere in the dream itself, Selphie's voice resonates, pulling him out of it way too quickly. Thusly he suddenly jerks up, cornflower blue eyes popping open in that terrified, disoriented fashion. He leaps away from her, unable to really see her in the light except for her silloette and really, after that dream he mistakes her, momentarily, for the dark knight that caused this dream in the first place. He ends up pressed in the corner between the end of the bed and the wall there that is the closet. Chest heaving, he slowly starts to calm down as he realizes that this is his room, and that's gotta be Selphie, not Kawn and he's ok and and and, he actually whimpers then, lowering his head into his hands. He -really- was terrified, and it only dredged up some very bad memories.

One knee barely on the bed, Selphie is more than a bit wary of moving closer to the cowboy, even if he seems to have woken now. "...Irvy...?", is asked once more, in a tiny, scared voice. But after a moment, she presses forward, moving to kneel on the bed and reach for him, wanting nothing more than to make the bad cobwebs clear away. Selphie -hates- nightmares, and being that he helped her the last time -she- had one... Plus, she can -tell-that it must have been a doozy, if Irvine's -whimpering-. "It's okay, sweetie, it's gone now! It went away, you're back here, with me..." She was never good at this stuff, and merely uses words that she's heard others use.

Instinctively, Irvine reaches out to grab Selphie and pull her to him, desperately needing her at this paticular moment to cling to. Kinda like a teddy bear, only better cause it's a human being and it's Selphie and she smells familiar and she takes away that horrid dirty feeling that seems to suddenly ooze from every pour in his body. He'd felt that way the day after the attack, and had showered several times a day until he finally started to get over it, or so he thought anyway. The subconcious will not be denied for very long. Eyes closing tight, it's easy to note that he's trembling. This wasn't just your ordinary nightmare, something is definately wrong here.

Selphie makes a quiet little 'eep' noise as she's pulled to the cowboy, only squirming as much as she needs to so that she's not uncomfortable. "--Irvy, I--..." She really doesn't know what to -say-. Honestly, he's totally freaking out -- normally -she's- the one who does that. "Irvy, what happened...?" She does, of course, mean 'what happened in the dream?' Squirm. She's scared, because if -Irvine's- like this... He, who is normally her foundation, and stability... It -must- be bad.

Irvine tilts his head back so it rests right in the corner between the room wall and the closet wall. This isn't something he wants to talk about, but he's still half asleep, and being in that somewhat drowsy, yet hyper alert post-dream state, he starts saying a bit more then he wanted to, "I dreamed Kawn still had me. And he wouldn't s-stop t-touching me." Um, this doesn't sound good. Then again, he never told her everything that happened back then. His voice dropping to a mere whisper, he adds, "I was so scared." This isn't something he readily admits to.

Crap! Crap crap! What kind of Significant Other -is- she? Selphie is easily rattled, and scared as it is -- how on Earth could she possibly help -Irvine-, when just his trembling and recount of a dream she didn't even have is frightening her? Akwardly, she moves to wrap her arms as much as she can around the boy, frowning from both confusion and fear. "...T... Touching... you?" No, no he -didn't- tell her everything, but... Even Selphie's imagination didn't come up with the reality of what happened. To be totally truthful, a man having sexual relations with another man is a totally, -totally- foriegn subject to the girl. She's never heard about such things. How... er... innocent? "Irvy, I-- I, I don't..." Understand. -Help me udnerstand.-

"He raped me, Sefie," Irvine says in a quiet tone of voice, something almost akin to the way a small child would sound after a paticularly bad experience. And really, in this instance, he is a little boy, having regressed suddenly for the moment, in his terror and his fear and his admittance to a horrid, dark secret that he's not told anyone about yet. Not even Vincent knows the full truth, though he has his suspicions. Now, rape is sort of an all encompassing thing, but honestly, men having relations with other men was never the gunman's thing, and he has no idea how to describe what was done to him other then just that, rape.

...Uh.
Blink. Mind reeling from this piece of information that just doesn't compute, Selphie is literally speechless as her mind tries to figure this all out. In a hushed voice, as if whispering it would somehow make it untrue -- or if perhaps she heard wrong -- the girl asks, "...He... -raped-... you?" The word is said with all of the emotions that the girl feels towards the subject, and a little confusion, to boot. Could men -rape- other men? Her mind finds a way for the like parts to fit, albeit a gross and disgusting one, and... "--Evil -fucker-!" Yes, she just said the 'f' word. Starting to rise slightly, the brunette is apparently adding things together. "Why didn't you-- Why didn't you -tell- me?" She's not -angry-, just horribly concerned -- even if it WAS awhile ago.

Though Selphie's gone a bit too far for what really did happen, Irvine doesn't realize this, nor is he really all that coherant enough right now to tell her how. He doesn't -want- to explain any of it to her. He doesn't even respond to her, or her question right away, because the truth is rather obvious just by looking at him. A hand reaches up to brush at his eyes, suddenly wishing he could just curl into a little ball and die right about now. Suddenly he lets Selphie go, scrambling to get out of the bed, needing to stand up or something. His voice is hoarse when he replies finally, this whole regression bit isn't ending anytime soon. "I, I didn't tell anyone. I c-couldn't." How do you explain that you were unwillingly molested and humiliated? "I just wanted to die." And the sentiment, though spoken aloud in past tense, seems to still apply right about now. He had been doing so well to forget it, move on, but one nightmare brought all of it back.

Okay! We all know Selphie well enough that she's easily distracted, right? So the previous trek towards her rocket launcher ends. Honestly, she could get -alot- worse than Irvine on the protective scale, -real- quick. Pausing with her feet on the ground, though still sitting on the bed, the girl just -looks- at him as he talks. God...! He's hurting -so- much, and that hurts -her-. She may not understand all of this, but... She -does- know that Irvine is very, very upset, and scared, and that she needs to do something to remedy that. Moving back onto the bed, she scoots to the edge closest to him, rising up on her knees, arms held out in the universal 'hug' sign. "...Please don't want to die ever again...", is what she simply says, face wrought with worry, and sadness, voice quiet, terrified. He had said that she got him through it, that she kept him alive. ...That makes her feel as close to happy as she possibly can at this point in time.

Actually, yes, it was the thought of Selphie that had gotten him through the ordeal originally. The dream had not quite gotten to the end, however, and left him in a state of limbo. He doesn't hesitate to hug Selphie, though he's still trembling, still in the regressive little boy mode. A six foot tall little boy. "I love you so much," his voice trembles as he speaks. Without her, well, he'd likely be locked up in a nice padded cell somewhere, or turned vicious instead. Who knows. The moment slowly begins to end though as he starts to physically wake up finally, the traces of the dream fading away again, not seeming so scary anymore. And he's got his Sefie, what more could he ask for or need? The tremors slowly die down until with an inhalation of breath he finally gets that under control too. He doesn't let go of the love of his life, however, just holding onto her as if she were the only liferaft out there in a rather large and unending ocean.

That's what she's here for. Honest. Everyone's put on this world for a reason, and obviously, these two were placed thusly for each other. Holding onto Irvine just as much as he's holding onto her, Selphie just leans her head against his shoulder, shutting her eyes. "I love you too," she responds, though really feels as if hers pales in comparison to his declaration. She doesn't quite realize how lost Irvine might have been without her, but doesn't need to -- she's here, and he's here, and they're -together-. And the girl is perfectly content with just kneeling there, holding and being held. "...Irvy?"

Finally loosening his grip just a little, Irvine lets his head tilt back, eyes closed, breathing in deeply. "Yes?" He's got his voice and body under control again, or so it seems, but his reply resonates in his chest with a bit of congestion, largely do to the tears that nearly spilled down his cheeks (you know how guys are with the not crying macho bull). In a minute or two he might actually be able to relax, though it's hard to say if he'll be getting back to sleep anytime soon. That was probably the worst nightmare he's had in years. He doesn't relish the thought of having another like it ever again.

Selphie wants to say that she's sorry that it happened. That she wishes she could take his pain. That she loves him so much it hurts! So many things that she wants to say, so little words to say it with... And despite the emotions fluttering in her chest and mind, the words that come out are rather anti-climatic. "...I've gotta pee." Well, there you are.

Irvine pauses for a moment, though it's not very long. He looks down at Selphie and blinks. Then, suddenly, he starts to laugh and lets her go. Anti-climatic is exactly what he needed to get his mind off of this altogether. That's Selphie for you. How can anyone be all serious and angsty around her for very long? There's a reason why he's head over heels in love with her. "Ok, Darlin', come back to bed after." As if she would go anywhere else. Well, that was easy.

Seemingly totally serious about it all, Selphie gives a quick nod!, then scrambles off the bed and on into the restroom. "--Duh," she retorts, already trying to clear the air from the thick seriousness. She can't -breathe- in that, even if it's needed every so often. The light flicks on in the bathroom, Selphie 'wah!'s, and then it's off again. Yay. Pottying in the dark, with the door half-open to allow SOME light in. Sigh! Poor Irvy... Once done, she'll flush, wash her hands, and shuffle back out.

Irvine has climbed back into bed again, though he's staring at the wall mostly, wondering if he can sleep again. However, the moment she comes back out, he pats 'her' side of the bed, smiling at her in the darkness even if she can't see it. This event has only further sealed his decision, really. Good thing she hasn't looked in any of those desk drawers.