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1) A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as

a trainee. On his

first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the

phone,"Abey saale!

Get me a coffee quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded,"You fool

you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who

you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No", replied the trainee. "It's the Managing

Director of the company, you fool!"

The Sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU

are talking to, you fool?"

"No.", replied the Managing Director.

"Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the

phone!

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2) One train which was going peacefully on the rail

tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the

fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The

passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the

driver was caught He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned. He

explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots ofhonks, etc. The authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger!? You should have run over that person. Sardarji said: Exactly! That is what I also decided,

but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close!

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3) Did you hear the news about the 747 that crashed

in a cemetery in Punjab recently?

The Surd officials have so far retrieved 40,000

bodies!

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4) Did you hear about the latest tragedy in Punjab?

There was a terrible power failure in a large

shopping hall,

and people were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours!

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5) A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti

car which

had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was

inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help

him

dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the

mileage

meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that

he

could tell the prospective customer that it has been

used

sparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks

later the

same friend met him and enquired whether he was able

to

dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you

mad? Who

sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!"

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6) Once a Sardarji went to the city of Mumbai for

the first time

to meet his father. His father had asked him to keep

walking

in the direction of the sunrise until he eventually

reached his

house.

Since, the Sardarji was new to the city he decided

to ask a

passerby the direction in which the sun rose in,

east, west,

north or south?

The passerby who was also a Sardarji thought for

some time

and then said, "Main bhi is sheher mein naya aaya

hoon!"

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7) Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh,

were great

cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies

first will try to

come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the

other about

the Cricket life in heaven.

Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast

sleep, he

heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was

eager to

know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket

in heaven?"

Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad

news. The

good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a

day & night

match here in heaven. And the bad news is that you

are the

opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"

********************************************************

Sardar from Bombay went to London. In the evening, he

felt like talking to Sardarni. So dialled his

residence and the

following conversation happened :- Sardar -

O-Haello-o-o

Reply - Hello

Sardar smirks as it is an unfamiliar male voice.

Sardar - Oye, kaun hai.

Reply - Shaab, main Bahadur.

Sardar - Oye, too kahan se aya.

Bahadur - Shaab, mujhe aaj hi MemShaab ne naukri pe

rakha hai.

Sardar shifts uneasily at the revealation of

Sardarni's daring at keeping a Hardworking Pahari

bahadur, the day Sardar

has left home.

Sardar - Oye, khote, ja ke Memsahib nu bula ke

mere naal gal kara

Bahadur - Shaab, MemShaab to shota hai.

Sardar - Oye, tu Memsahib nu jaga de.

Bahadur - Par Shaab, MemShaab to Shaab ke saath

shota hai.

Sardar is Red and White, Sorry Wild with anger.

Sardar - Dekh oye Bahadur, Tu meri gal sun. Main

tera asli Sahib hoon.

Bahadur - Shaab, to phir MemShaab ke paas kaun

shota hai.

Sardar - Woh koi khoti da puttar nakli Sahib ban

ke aya hoga.Tu aisa kar, drawing room ki diwar par

meri dunali

bandook latki hai.Ja use leke aa ja.

After a pause....

Bahadur - Haan Shaab, Bandook le aya.

Sardar - Ye telephone ke niche wali daraz men

goliyaan padi hain.

Usme se do goliyaan Bandook mein daal de.

After a shuffling and cranking noise...

Bahadur - Haan Shaab, dal diya.

Sardar - Ab jake us nakli Sahib ko aur Memsahib ko

shoot kar de.

Rapport of two gunshots is heard and...

Bahadur-Haan Shaab, maine dono ko shoot kar diya. Ab

lashon ka kya karoon, Shaab.

Sardar - Bahar garden mein gaddha khod ke dono

lashon ko dafan kar de.

Bahadur - Shaab, aap kya bolta hai. Ye fifteenth

floor pe garden kahan se aayegaa.

Sardar - Oh..... sorry, wrong number.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

SARDAR'S BMW

BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.

Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was driving back home very

happily. On the way the car broke down. Sardarji came out of the car>

and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began

to sweat. By that time Sardar Gani Singh came by that way and saw our

sardarji, totally confused and sweating, trying to search something

inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter.

Hari Singh: "The BMW people made me fool. They have given me the Car

without the engine."

Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of my BMW. You

can take that

TO LOOSE WEIGHT...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300

days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called

the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

SPARE BOMB

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and

decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a

suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh asks

"What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry.

I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

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COUNT THE CHICKEN

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country

road. ari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. Hey Bhai," Gani

Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens," was the reply.

"If I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them.

""OK, Five?"

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ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down

on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me,

but are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86,

86, 86'?" man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want

to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a

moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says,

"Okay."The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and

the puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it

yelling "87, 87, 87"...

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EMPLOYMENT?

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly

filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the

column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.

After much thought he wrote: Yes

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AT INDO-PAK WAR

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and

capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was

crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence

secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had

thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes

jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls

out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly.

The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him "Yaar thu

maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani

itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte,goli kahan se

ghussenghi?

In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No

Assumptions Please!)joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the

Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of

the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the

pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital

his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo

maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya"

Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

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HEIGHTS OF REVENGE

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we

had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same

every time tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep

with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to

cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up

and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the

blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts

singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja".

After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his

hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

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DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get

into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom

seat, unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the

rush over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta

in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared

to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are

you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there?

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

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CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was

alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the

sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was

actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and

requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I

want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".

The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came

and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adamant

and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He

also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He

whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji

immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished,the airhostess and the asst.capt. asked the capt. what he

told the sardarji. Capt. replied:"nothing.I just told him that only the

middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."

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SARDAR THIEF

Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings.

By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A

sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. banta Singh found it

very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him!

"When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a

hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on

him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the

matter.

"What did you do to the thief"?

"I tied his hands; you come and collect him".

"I hope you tied his legs too".

Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the

legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said, "Inspector

Sab, the thief, he will still be there".

"How do you know"?

"Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".

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KHALISTAN JOKES

Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.

International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.

National Airline: Itthe Pacific.

National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ........

National Taxi Service: Kar Seva

National song: Bande marte hum.

Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.

National dish: AKALI-DAAL.

Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.

Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.

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PROFESSOR SARDAR

Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a

subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over

it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided

instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked the roach and put it

in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran.

He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the

table and said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the

roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The

roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one

leg.

He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table

and said: "Run". The roach could not!

Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his

thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear

anymore".

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COLOR TV

Sardarji is buying a TV.

"Do you have color TVs?"

"Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

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CROCODILE BOOTS

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of

crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search

is being made,they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a

huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily

exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

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LONG FLIGHT

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

" Just a sec," comes an answer

"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

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TRAIN TO LUDHIANA

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh

asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the

Railway man.

"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

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A building was on fire, 11 Sardars were trapped on the thirtieth floor. Some people in the opposite building, managed to find a rope and throw it to the Sardars, who tied it to their end. In true film - ishtyle, they began to cross over to the other building, one behind the other, holding on to the rope with their hands for dear life. About halfway through, they realised that the rope would not support all 11 of them. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go. Finally the eldest made a touching speech about the value of selflessness and sacrifice, and jumped off.

The other ten, moved by his sacrifice, started clapping.

********************************************************

A sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which

was about writing a shortest story. The organizers had put a

condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion,

sex, suspense and mystery.

Sardarji’s turn came after many attempts by others.

Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and

read ‘ O god, my wife is going to deliver a child’.

Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the

sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients!!

Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:

O god : religion

my wife: sex

going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)

‘But where is mystery?’ asked one of the organizers.

The sardar replied : who is the father???