*******************************************************

Three guys, a Pak, a Srilankan and an Indian are out walking together oneday.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you eachone wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Srilankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will

also farmer. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka."With a blink of the Genie's eye,

'FOOM' the land in Srilanka was forever made fertile for farming.

The Pak was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no

foreigners can come into our precious state."Again, with a blink of the

Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge all aroundPakistan.

The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely

surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out."

The Indian says, "Fill it up with water"

*******************************************************

A car was involved in an accident.  As expected a large crowd gathered.

A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the

car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through!

Let me through!  I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

*******************************************************

It all depends on your perspective ...

An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing"

on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.

The male students wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The female students wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

*******************************************************

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

*******************************************************

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this

train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

*******************************************************

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is

green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the

same at home.

*******************************************************

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and

the game went into extra time.

*******************************************************

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

*******************************************************

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

*******************************************************

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you

give me a ring?"

"Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

*******************************************************

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was

a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his

table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour,

I'll have a scotch and soda."

*******************************************************

'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy' 'What happened

then?'

'We met.'

*******************************************************

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it get to

Brighton in two days' time?'

Post Master : 'Well it might do.'

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to London.

*******************************************************

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

*******************************************************

Girl : Do you love me ?

Boy : Yes Dear

Girl : Would you die for me ?

Boy : No, mine is undying love

*******************************************************

1st thief : Oh! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

*******************************************************

Man : How old is your father ?

Boy : As old as me

Man : How can that be ?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born

*******************************************************

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in

the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How ?

Student : Ladies first.

*******************************************************

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

*******************************************************

Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him

"When will peace return to my country ? ".

God answered

"You can never see peace in your country during your life time".

Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.

Nawaz sherrif approached God

"When can I see a united Pakistan (with   Kashmir) ?".

God said,

"You can never annex Kashmir during your life  time."

Sherrif wept bitterly and walked away.

Next our Laloo Parsed Yadav approached God

"When will Bihar become a civilized state ?".

God wept bitterly and said

"I can never see that  happening even during MY life time".

*******************************************************

The Lucky Government Employee

A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.

"This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes.

"I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"

POOF!

A Pepsi appears before him on his desk, so he picks it up and guzzles it all at once.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I

wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside."

POOF!

Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

He then tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF!

He's back in his government office.

********************************************************

Longer Blond Jokes

At a political meeting in Arkansas, the blonde laid down and went to sleep...when she woke up a cow was standing over her...The blonde said, Ooooh Bill, you and the other 3 guys are still here.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blondes are walking down the street when they spot a $100.00 bill. Who picks it up?...The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.

The blonde and brunette are tossed off a 50 story building. Who hits the ground first...the brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive in theater...they went to see "closed for the winter".

Why can't blondes get a job in a pharmacist...they keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Two blonds were walking through some woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks" While they were arguing over what kind of tracks they were a train came by and ran over them.

A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"..."Oh, I'm sorry...do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

A blonde goes into the hair parlor with her walkman on...I need to take the walkman off...blonde, you can't I'll die...but I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears...you can't take it off, I'll die. Flustered the hair stylist grabs the walkman and takes it off of the head of the blonde...the blonde dies. The police come and listen to the walkman...it is repeating "breath in", breath out, breath...

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp, which said, " I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said "I wish I were smarter", so she became a redhead. The second blond said "I wish I were smarter than her" so she became a brunette. The third blonde said "I wish I were smarter then both of them" so she became a man.

A blonde was driving through Iowa, past some corn fields, when she looked over and saw another blonde. She was setting in the corn rows and was rowing like she was in a boat. The blonde called over to the one in the corn field and said "It is stupid blondes like you that gives the rest of us blondes a bad name. I would come over there and knock your head off.......if I could swim."

A policeman pulled a blonde over while she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street...cop: Do you know where you are going?...blonde: No, but whereever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving.

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 hours...the directions said "cook it for half an hour per pound, she weighted 125 pounds.

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