********************************************************
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking atthe
animals on display. While he was there, another customer
walked in and said to the shop keeper, "I'll have a C monkey
please". The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage
at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a
collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll
be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are
only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program
in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That
one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented
programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really
useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third
monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck
read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs
more than all the others put together! What on earth does it
do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do
anything, but it says it's a consultant."
********************************************************
You Guys: I thought you'd get a kick out of this:
>So you think you're computer-illiterate ?
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any
Key"to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking
where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her
mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover
turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man
complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files
from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and
heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the
customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into the
typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her
defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the
customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his
troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer
asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down,
getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting,
the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of
paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the
"send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new
program,so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead.
"Yeah, I got me a couple of friends, "the customer replied. When
told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought
you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his
keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub
with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then
removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who
was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an
invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and
"invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support
couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the
computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened
when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and
pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal"
turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her
brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,
plugged it , and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to
happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power
switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within
my warranty period. How do I go about getting that t fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's
because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a
trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any
trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything
about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of
the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
With Luv
rahul