sometimes I feel too much...so much that my chest
     aches. the tears threaten to come ...to
     fall.
and I wonder where my life is taking me.... 
then the pain comes, and I get to a point where I feel
     nothing. I realise that the pain is too great
     and I distance my self from it,
but this action only creates more pain, such is my
     paradoxical nature...
I turn to walk away from it all, when I  am faced with my
     dreams, my discarded hopes.
     my growing fears.
so I remain. I stand still and hope that the maelstrom of my
     emotions will leave me unscathed
     just this once...
that I will not destroy it all just to feel something.
this hope brings feeling....
but just when i think my life is taking a turn for the
     better, i get this cold ice in my
     heart....
the apathy is closing in again, and iknow that soon i will
     push everyone and everything away just to feel alive.
I will work to destroy my life in hope of saving my soul
     from the damning apathy that threatens
     my very exsistence
i will destroy all that is good in my life to feel the pain
     of its loss, because even the pain of loss
     is better than the cold taste of apathy.