Disclaimer 1: Paramount owns all, I'm just borrowing them.

Disclaimer 2: Pure smut--PG smut, but smut nonetheless. Warning: Do not expect a plot.

Kathryn Janeway flipped her long blond hair--dyed, of course--behind her shoulder and gazed condescendingly down at her love slave, Chakotay. "Kiss my feet," she barked, grinning evilly as her dark, handsome slave did as he was told. Oh, she did love being a starship captain.

*****

47 universes to the left, Captain Kathryn Janeway was getting ready for another night alone in the Delta Quadrant. Her first officer, that handsome Maquis devil Chakotay, was having dinner with the blond Ensign from the Equinox again. She was really beginning to wish she hadn't believed the woman's expression of remorse and let her stay. She and Chakotay were getting way too close for Kathryn's tastes.

Suddenly, with a flash of light, a man appeared in her quarters. He had huge feathery wings coming out of his back and was wearing nothing but...a diaper? "Who are you?" she asked, alarmed.

"I, my dear Kathryn, am the Angel of Love," he answered in a really bad British accent. He pulled out his Phaser of Love--they'd upgraded from arrows a while back--and stunned her into oblivion.

*****

Kathryn woke up and looked around. The last thing she remembered was a man in a diaper saying something about being an Angel of Love. Apparently he'd gone away again, because she was alone in her quarters--wasn't she? Was it just her imagination, or did things look different.

The doors to the other room opened, and she looked up to see...Chakotay? Her first officer? Wearing nothing but a loincloth? "Chakotay..." she said, trailing off.

"Ah, my mistress, you have awakened!" he cried. He moved quickly to her and started to kiss her hand, but she pulled it away. "Oh, exalted one, your wish is my command," he said, dropping to one knee and bowing his head. "What is your desire?"

"Um...could you get me some coffee?" Kathryn asked hesitantly.

"At once, beautiful one," he answered. He disappeared back through the door and reappeared a moment later, carrying a steaming mug of coffee. He handed it to her and she took a big gulp, hoping that this strange dream would resolve itself into something that made sense.

The man that looked like Chakotay (for it couldn't possibly be Chakotay) said to her, again kneeling, "My mistress, would you like me to make soft, sweet love to you until your heart sings and your body cries out for mercy?"

Kathryn turned bright red in embarrassment and nearly choked on her coffee. "Uh, no," she said once she had recovered.

"Later?" he asked eagerly.

"Um, we'll see."

"As you wish, lovely Kathryn. Is there anything else you desire?"

"No...could you...um, leave me alone for a while?"

He said nothing, only nodded and swiftly left the room.

*****

Kathryn Janeway sat up in bed. What a strange dream, she thought, remembering seeing a half-naked man appear to her. Too bad it was just a dream, but at least I have my love slave. "Chakotay! Bring me some coffee!" There was no response. "Chakotay?" She waited. "Answer when I call you, slave!" Still, there was no response. She gave a sigh of frustration. "Computer, locate Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

"Commander?" she said to herself. "It should have said, 'The slave Chakotay is in his quarters.' Oh, well. Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 0658," answered the computer.

"He knows he's supposed to be here by 0630," she grumbled. She got out of bed and suddenly realized something. She wasn't wearing her usual lacey lingerie; instead she was dressed in a heavier, much less revealing gown. No need for a robe, then, she thought.

She headed out of her quarters and next door to Chakotay's. She didn't bother knocking; she simply input her code and walked right on in. Chakotay was sitting on the couch drinking some tea, still in his pajamas, and he looked up at her in shock. "Captain?"

"Where were you?"

"Um...when? I've been here all night."

"This morning! You know you're supposed to be in my quarters by 0630," she railed.

"Well, I'm usually in my quarters at 0630; in fact I'm usually still asleep at 0630. Captain, what have you done to your hair?"

She stopped for a moment. "Huh?"

"It's long again, and it's blond. You know, I really like you better as a redhead, but I do prefer the long hair."

"What are you talking about? Anyway, you weren't where you were supposed to be, and now I'm horny. Make love to me."

Chakotay spit his tea out into his cup. "What?"

"You heard me; make love to me!"

Something was definitely wrong with his captain, Chakotay thought. "Kathryn, are you sure about this?"

"Of course I'm sure! Just do it already?"

Well, he could sort out the sanity issue later. He started to take his clothes off.

*****

Kathryn Janeway stepped onto the bridge in the outfit that Chakotay had assured her she was supposed to wear. She wasn't sure how she felt about the silver leotard, miniskirt, tights, and go-go boots, but as she entered the bridge she found that all of the others were dressed the same way, albeit in different colors. There were only women on the bridge. She had realized that she must be in an alternate universe of some kind, and she'd decided simply to fit in as best she could. "Status report," she called.

"All systems nominal, Captain," someone at Ops said. She didn't recognize the young woman.

"Where are all the men?" she asked.

"Where they're supposed to be, in their quarters." B'Elanna Torres answered. Kathryn noted that she looked pretty good in her neon green spacebunny outfit. "I like that new look for you," was her next comment.

"What new look?" Kathryn had looked the same as always in the mirror this morning.

"The hair. The color really suits you, although I would have left it long if I were you."
So her counterpart had had longer hair of a different color. "Um, B'Elanna, how would you describe my hair color before?"

B'Elanna gave her a strange look. "Blond, of course."

Kathryn shrugged and sat down in her chair. She certainly hoped that she would be able to find a way back to her own universe soon.

*****

Kathryn was preparing for bed, again alone after throwing out the loincloth wearing-Chakotay, when the man in the diaper appeared again, this time with a blond version of herself in tow.

"You again! Take me back to my Voyager!"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," the man answered. "You see, our scheme didn't quite work out as planned. The idea was to get you"--here he pointed to the red-haired Kathryn--"to fall in love with Chakotay, and for you"--pointing to the blond Kathryn--"to learn to exercise a little control. It didn't work; you both just carried on with your old habits. So I'm sending you back." With that, there was a flash of light, and the red-haired Kathryn found herself in what she hoped were really her quarters.

Something the diaper-wearing man had said had got her thinking. What did he mean when he said the blond woman had carried on with her old habits?

A few minutes later, Commander Chakotay's door chime rang. "Come in," he called. Kathryn Janeway entered, wearing some lovely translucent lingerie. "You changed your hair back," he said, surprised.

"Chakotay, I want you to make soft, sweet love to me until my heart sings and my body cries out for mercy."

Chakotay shrugged. "Okay."

The end!