Adults' Night Out
Rated: R
Warnings: Language and "Behavior".
Setting: Don’t all adults deserve a night out? At the bar. With beer… and lots of it! Juhachigou, Kurillin, Goku, Chi Chi, Vegeta, and Bulma.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. So there.
Now… a well deserved story…
"I think I’m going crazy!!!! This damn housework is going to shut me down!!!!!" Juhachigou yelled raving around the house like mad. Kurillin was hiding behind the couch.
*CRASH*
"Woman! What the hell was that for!? You can’t just throw dishes at me while I’m not looking!" Vegeta yelled.
"Well then next time help clean up YOUR mess after dinner!!! And stop threatening the pizza boy!!!" Bulma yelled.
"I haven’t even finished yet!" Vegeta yelled back.
"That’s the problem!!!! It’s like you never quit!! Eat Eat Eat! Train Train Train!!! It’s driving me crazy!!!! AHHHH!!" Bulma yelled.
"Are you ok?" Vegeta asked.
"I’m just feeling a little light headed… that’s… all... I... uh!" Bulma mumbled as he passed out and Vegeta caught her.
"Humans… huh!" Vegeta yelled.
"I’m feeling weird…" Chi Chi said. She was cleaning the carpet with some chemicals.
"Uh…Chi Chi…what’s in those cleaners?" Goku asked.
"Chemicals! What do you think?" she replied.
He took the bottle from her and scanned down the label. "You’re not supposed to… uh inhale this…" Goku said his voice getting more intense every word he read.
"Heh… I’m… I’m fine," she said standing up. He stayed right behind her. "I’m going to…" she started as she took a step forward, "bed," she said falling back into Goku.
"Oh great!" Goku said lying her down.
The phone rang. Goku jumped up and ran to answer it.
"Hello, this is Goku," he answered.
"Goku! You gotta help me! Juhachigou just went mad from her frustration with the housework!!" Kurillin yelled making Goku hold the phone further from his ear.
*Beep*
"Oh, hold on a second Kurillin, I got another call on the other line," Goku said switching lines. "Hello, this is Goku," he answered.
"Kakarote!! Don’t you say anything because you know I hate phones!!" Vegeta yelled.
"Vegeta!? What do you want!?" Goku asked.
"Bulma’s out cold from house work stress," Vegeta replied.
"Ironic… Yes?" Goku said.
"What did you say Kakarote!?" Vegeta yelled.
"Hold on a second." Goku pushed the three-way calling buttons. "Hello?" Goku asked.
"Hi!" Kurillin said.
"Kakarote!?" Vegeta yelled.
"Vegeta!?" Kurillin yelled.
"Chrome dome!!" Vegeta yelled back.
Goku was now holding the phone three feet away from his ear while they fought. Goku returned to say "SHUT UP!!!" Which… brought silence. "Ok, better, Kurillin’s wife just went mad from house work. Vegeta, Bulma just went into hysterics and passed out. Me, Chi Chi just passed out from cleaning chemicals!" Goku yelled back.
"And…?" Vegeta suggested.
"We’ve gotta get out of the house!" Goku finished.
"I agree! Juhachigou is throwing silverware," Kurillin said quietly. Goku and Vegeta snickered. "It’s not funny."
"I know! Let's drink beer!" Vegeta yelled.
"Drinking beer is not a place," Goku reminded.
"So?!" Vegeta replied.
"Well if we want beer AND a place, let’s go to the bar," Kurillin suggested.
"Yeah!" Vegeta yelled. "Then Bulma can stop throwing dishes at me because she’s waking up now!" Vegeta yelled.
"Well…" Goku started.
"Oh come on Goku!" Kurillin persuaded.
"Chi Chi wouldn’t want to just go out and drink," Goku replied.
"Don’t be a baby Kakarote!"
"I don’t wanna go get drunk for no reason," Goku said.
"But we HAVE a reason!" Kurillin yelled.
"Uhhhh…." Goku started again.
"Stop making up excuses and just come!! Down town, the usual bar!!!" Vegeta yelled hanging up. Kurillin also hung up.
"Great," Goku said walking back over to Chi Chi. "Chi Chi wake up," he said, shaking her.
She made a few bubbly noises. She opened her eyes in a daze. "What?" she said, stretching.
"We’re going to go somewhere ok?" Goku asked putting her coat on and leading her out the door.
"Hmmm?… Ok," was her only reply as her eyes fell shut again.
"They’ll think she’s already drunk," Goku sighed as he picked her up and took off.
"The bar!? Really!? What are we waiting for!? Let’s go!!!!" Juhachigou yelled shooting out the door with Kurillin dragging behind.
Vegeta just grabbed the still "out" Bulma and took off before she could wake up.
Everyone met up at the door and examined each other.
"Ironic," Goku stated again. They looked at him oddly but said nothing and just walked into the bar together.
Vegeta set Bulma down on the chair by the counter and hopped up next to her. She woke up and looked around frantically. "Were am I!?" She yelled.
"At the bar, long story, don’t ruin the moment!" Vegeta yelled.
Goku was fanning Chi Chi at the counter so she could get some air.
"Did you get her drunk at home?!" Kurillin asked.
"No! She’s sort of… high off of chemicals," Goku replied. Kurillin didn’t answer.
"BARTENDER!!! GIVE ME A 7 AND 7 NOW OR YOU’LL NEVER LIVE TO SEE MY ANGER!!!!!!" Juhachigou yelled at the frightened guys behind the counter. They quickly gave her the drink.
The guys shrugged in surprise but soon also ordered their share of alcohol. Vegeta was still pushing Goku to drink and completely forgetting her condition Goku said he would if Chi Chi would… big mistake. She said yes with a big woozy smile on her face. Goku hit himself in the head for his mistake.
"Here Chi Chi, I think this would be safer," Goku said leading Chi Chi (and her drinks) over to the corner of the bar counter. She happily accepted… many "alcoholic beverages."
Goku drank as well but kept in mind that he had to stay sober enough to keep an eye on Chi Chi. He was just slightly edgy. She was on her eighth for the night when she finished the glass and couldn't get her glass to stay on the counter.
She first missed entirely and growled at the table, then she set the cup down to close to the edge. She was now slamming the glass on the counter to make sure it stayed there. Goku soon grabbed her arms restrictively though.
Bulma and Vegeta were in their own little confusing world.
"So tell me why my drink has bubbles in it again?" Vegeta asked staring through his clear glass.
"Well, that drink is carbonated," she replied.
"Carfordonated what?" Vegeta yelled.
"No! Carfordonated!" Bulma yelled back. "That’s what I said."
"No… That’s what I said!" Vegeta protested. Bulma sat in deep thought. "So what does carbonated do?" Vegeta asked.
"It makes things bubble stupid!" Bulma yelled.
"Well then why does my drink have bubbles in it?" Vegeta asked. Bulma sat looking even more confused now.
A girl approached Kurillin to ask why he had no nose (that’s visible). He looked dumbfounded.
"Uh… I was just born that way," he concluded.
"HOW DARE YOU!!" Juhachigou yelled. The girl looked up in question. "GET YOUR SLUTTY LITTLE ASS AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND THIS VERY MOMENT OR I’LL BLOW YOU TO KINGDOME COME!!!!!!!!!!" Juhachigou yelled waving her hands around like a raving lunatic.
Kurillin was to dazed to understand.
"NOW AAAHHHHHH!!!" Juhachigou yelled running the girl out of the bar.
Goku was still struggling to pull Chi Chi out of her obsession with putting down her glass correctly. She suddenly let go of resistance and just fell forwards draping over Goku’s knee.
"Whoa there! I think I should stop you there," Goku said, picking her up.
Chi Chi jumped down from his arms. "No! Chi Chi like it here! Want more beer!" she yelled.
"You can’t have any more beer, ok?" Goku suggested.
"Chi Chi want beer." she said, looking intensely angered.
"Uh… Chi Chi can’t have beer." Goku said.
"Chi Chi want beer! Chi Chi like beer!" Chi Chi yelled.
"Well you might like beer, but it doesn’t like you," Goku said grabbing her and picking her up from under the arms.
Chi Chi was kicking and screaming and since most people had never seen them before they thought he was trying to "take her home." He set her back down.
"Sshhhh! There are others here so you have to keep it down," Goku scolded her.
She climbed up on his chest and got close to his face. "C-H-I-C-H-I WANT B-E-E-R!!!!" she shouted.
Goku couldn’t take her horrible noises anymore so he allowed the bartender to give her more. She got up on his chest again and was now shaking him like mad. She was yelling nothing that could be translated, but for the most part, something about how he should’ve done that in the first place. She finally got mad enough (for no reason) to were she started acting… over reactive.
"Chi Chi that’s it no more beer!" Goku slightly (and that’s very slightly) raised his voice. She all of the sudden teared up like she would cry and took off running. "Chi Chi, no!" Goku yelled flying after her.
She ran right out the door, he flew right… into the wall. Once he slid down embarrassingly enough, like a smashed bug. He jumped back up. "Don’t drink and fly," he said with a cheesy grin at the others in the bar.
He soon caught up to her and scooped her up taking her back to their previous spot. She still kicked and whined something about studying, groceries, carpet cleaner, and lots of beer. He sat her back down. She stared him flatly in the eyes.
"Chi Chi, uh… Chi Chi!! Why are you looking at me like that?!" he yelped as he backed up against the counter in fear as she stood up on her chair.
"Me like!" Chi Chi said as she jumped onto Goku, lips quickly interlocking.
"Mph!! Murph mm Mnn!!!" Goku struggled to say as Chi Chi was kissing him.
He was already backed up onto the counter so *Boom!* he accidentally fell off and landed behind the counter still kissing. The bartenders shook their heads and made sure not to step on them. They obviously couldn’t taste (or didn’t mind) the alcohol in each others mouth. Chi Chi was giggling and Goku kept looking like he was going to break it and then like he wanted more as he faded in and out of being drunk.
Vegeta saw Goku fall behind the counter. "See! He probably had the carfordonated stuff to!!!!" Vegeta yelled at Bulma.
"Carbonated!!!!!" Bulma yelled.
"Bartender! Give me a drink that has bubbles in it!" Vegeta yelled.
The bartender stepped over Goku and Chi Chi and then passed Vegeta a coke.
"See! Look at the bubbles!" Vegeta said.
"It’s not called bubbles, it’s called carfrnated!… Wait, uh…carfornated? No, carfordonated… I FORGOT!!!!" She cried as she banged her head down on the table. Vegeta soon stopped her from doing that.
Juhachigou was blacked out face first on the counter with Kurillin right by her in the same position.
Goku finally freed himself. He panted as Chi Chi still attached herself around his waist.
"You good, me like," Chi Chi said.
"What!?" Goku asked looking down at her.
"You taste like beer. Beer goooooooood!" Chi Chi exclaimed.
"Awe Chi Chi, you’re going to have one hell of a hangover!" Goku sighed. "No no no no!!!" Goku yelled as Chi Chi tugged at the tie of his belt. "We’re in public silly."
"What?" she asked.
"You silly," he said.
"You stupid!" she replied goofily.
"Stupid?" Goku asked.
"Stupid heh he he he! Stupid!" Chi Chi laughed.
"Oh boy." Goku sighed as he stood her up and she acted like jello in his hands. "I think we should go home." Goku said.
"No want go home!! Want beer!" Chi Chi yelled.
Everyone in the restaurant kept their eyes on Goku.
"Well um… you said I taste like beer, so there will be "beer" at home so doesn’t that sound nice?" he bribed her.
She thought. "Beer home… Want go home!!!" she yelled.
The crowd stared even more cautiously when they heard her say that. Goku noticed.
"OH PLEASE!!! Give me a break!!! I’m her husband you weirdos!!!" Goku yelled holding up their wedding rings.
Most of the crowd said "Oh!" And then turned away. Goku mumbled and then picked up Chi Chi about to take off.
"Oh yeah, I forgot the others were here," he said walking over to Vegeta and Bulma.
Bulma was crying and Vegeta was crying because he couldn’t make her stop.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!" He yelled again. Every time he said it she cried harder.
"Time to go home guys," Goku interrupted. They grew silent.
"Ok," they said and left out the door.
"I’ll have to make sure they go the right direction," Goku reminded, quickly going over to the sleeping Juhachigou and Kurillin.
He shook Kurillin and ALMOST shook Juhachigou but considered the consequences. Neither moved.
"Hey… can they just stay here?" Goku asked the bartender.
"Yup! Open 24 hours a day!" the man exclaimed.
Goku nodded and looked down at Chi Chi who was trying to keep her eyes open. When she noticed they were going to start flying, she passed out. Goku flew in the direction Bulma and Vegeta had gone.
Surprisingly enough, they did make it home. Goku watched from a distance.
They walked in the front door and, "GOOD GOD!!!!" and "AHHHHHHH" came Bulma’s parents reaction.
Goku quickly left.
Goku opened their front door and walked in his house. He set her on the couch. As he walked to the kitchen and threw some water on his face.
"I hope Chi Chi’s ok… Chi Chi…?" he asked running over to the couch. "She’s gone," he said, searching around the house. "Wait… I think I know."
He walked up to the bedroom. "Oh great! I swear that if she asks me even once I’ll go cra…zy." Goku slowed, realizing she was asleep. "Phhhheeeuuuffff," he sighed. He walked over and got in bed also. He didn’t even bother to change, he just wanted to sleep. "Now this is more like it," he concluded.
But just as he was falling asleep, he felt his belt loosen. "Chi Chi come on! Give me a break!" he yelled holding his head from his now present headache. She giggled.
"Oh god!! Chi Chi that’s the last time you’re ever using those chemicals!! You stop right now!" he continued to lecture her. He then looked at her and she was asleep again. He returned her to were she was originally.
"Chi Chi no want beer," he whispered in her ear as he kissed her on the cheek and turned off the lights.
The next morning on the news…
"This morning at 6am there was a devastating terrorist attack. Two suspects, of whom we don’t know, blew up the city bar. No one recalls their appearance, but the bartender says he glad they were so drunk that they missed when shooting at the people because if it weren’t for that. He couldn’t be here to tell the story."
The End