letter to a john
by s. lutjens
Frustrated beyond my means, I can not find the words to express my sentiments. We toy with each other as if we will have many more games to play in the future. You claim to be honest with me, like this is a problem. You test me, but then can not handle my own tests. I pity you. You pronounce that I do not know you. Yet on the very same note you nothing of me. You do not know what makes me tick. What makes me breathe and yearn to get up in the morning. I am not scared of you or your secrets. Why then, with someone so confident and insecure, do you fear mine? I do not want to be your girlfriend, your fuck buddy, someone who you move on from in the future. I am not your soul mate. As I said before, I want to know you for a long time. To learn about you. To see you pick yourself up. You're right - you are an arrogant, self-centered fuck who puts his dick before his heart. This, whatever exists between us, has not run its course. I can never give you everything you need. You'll have to find those things in other people at at other places. I can give you me. I'm afraid right now you just can't handle that. 10/7/00 |
