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| The Top Ten Rules that Mumbai Taxi-Drivers Follow for Passenger Comfort and Satisfaction | ||||||||||||
| by The Man from Matunga | ||||||||||||
| reprinted with permission | ||||||||||||
| The Man from Matunga lives in Mumbai, India and writes about the trials and tribulations of living in Mumbai, India, and about life in general. This includes a biweekly parenting column, satires and book and movie reviews. All his work is up at www.manfrommatunga.com | ||||||||||||
| This list is about taxis in Mumbai. But the rules probably apply to taxis in many places. | ||||||||||||
| 10. Keep the taxi in a rickety condition, so that the ride is as bumpy and jerky as possible. The passengers will get a free body massage. | ||||||||||||
| 9. Brake hard, suddenly, every 3-5 minutes. This will help passengers exercise various body parts in an attempt to prevent them from being flung around. | ||||||||||||
| 8. Push the front seat as far back as possible. This will cramp most passengers in the back seat, thus keeping them awake and alert. | ||||||||||||
| 7. Blow your horn as loudly and frequently as possible. This will prevent most passengers from falling asleep, thus allowing them to use their precious time for more fruitful activities. | ||||||||||||
| 6. Always swear at other drivers who either drive too slow or too fast or cut you or don't allow you to cut them. This will expand the passengers' vocabulary. | ||||||||||||
| 5. Exchange the standard four-cylinder engine for an imported, junked, three-cylinder one. This will prevent the taxi from going above 40km/hour, thus making it safer for passengers. | ||||||||||||
| 4. Always drive in the middle of a two-lane road so that no other vehicle can pass you by. This will prevent noxious fumes from other vehicles entering your taxi, thus keeping the air inside clean and breathable. | ||||||||||||
| 3. Break signals and drive through one-way streets from the opposite direction whenever possible. The passengers will reach their destinations faster, thus saving time and money. | ||||||||||||
| 2. Never carry small change. This will teach passengers the new concept of rounding off to the nearest five rupees. | ||||||||||||
| 1. Always refuse short-distance rides. This will make people healthier by forcing them to walk. | ||||||||||||
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