Sarah Ricklefs
Eng 308
The consequence of falling

Today’s the day I told my reflection.  Today’s the day I finally talk to him.  I pushed a few strains of my hair out of my face.  I have to look nice, especially today.  I tried out a smile…looking good!  The last time Jeff saw me I had braces.  Well, that’s if he even noticed me.  Hopefully things will change.  He will notice me this time.  
	I grabbed my backpack and left the girl’s restroom.  I entered into an empty hallway, where some solitary sap dressed in a wrinkled black shirt, baggy jeans, and a dog collar passed me by.  Did people still dress like that in college?  Maybe at Western Carolina University, I thought, trying desperately to contain my laughter.  
My thoughts revolved back to Jeff.  He always dressed nice.  He wore…well, I can’t quite remember the details since I last saw him at our high school graduation last year…but I can remember he was stunning.  I know this is probably the biggest cliché, well, maybe not the biggest, but its pretty high up there…but the thing that struck me about him was his eyes.  They were dark brown, with a fierce intensity that I could easily get lost in…and I did quite a few times in AP Calculus.  Every feature about him was stunning.  His face, the way he walked, his dark hair, his voice….well, I’m not quite sure on the voice.  I never actually heard him talk before.  Strong silent type.  Very much like me.  But his eyes…
“Hey.  Watch it!” dog-collar man yelped as I ran into him.  
“Oh hey.  Didn’t see ya there,” I said, with a pathetic excuse for a laugh.  
“Yeah…considering I’m the only other person in the hall.”
“Oh!  Sarcasm.  That’s cute,” I said, throwing his fucking sarcasm back at him as brushed off my shoulder.  I started to walk down the hall.  
“Hey…uh…you late for class also?” A female voice called after me.  
I turned around, nod scathingly and point to my watch.  “What do you think?” Before me stood a heavy set woman – no scratch that, I mean she was kinda big but not big big – who was in her late 30’s.  She had golden brown hair that flowed just past her shoulders.    
“Oh!  Same here girlllfriend!”  Her southern accent irrated my ears while her fashion sense assaulted my eyes.  She wore a striped shirt, jeans about a size too small, and sandals.     
“Excuse me?!,” I said, as I walked down the hall looking into open classrooms.  
“Hey…maybe we are in the same class.  Wouldn’t that be so weird?  So, what class you runnin’ off ta?”   
“Uh um uh…this one.” I pointed to room 109 where I saw Jeff sitting near the window.  
“Ahh.  Ecology.  Same here.”
“Oh goody.” I murmured as I entered the classroom.  The gray-haired professor and the students all stopped dead in their tracks as I walked in.  I felt my heart pounding and for some reason it reminded my of the bass to a sick little song called…
“Wellll?”  The gray haired dude with a funny 1960’s style mustache stared me down like he didn’t recognize me.  
“Sorry I’m late,” I mummered softly.  I quickly scanned the room trying to find an empty seat but I only saw a blur of people with cruel faces and…his eyes.  Jeff’s.  Yes!  There is an empty seat right behind him!     
My footsteps sounded hallow as I walked down the row past Jeff.  I paused right at his desk and for a moment Jeff glanced at me.  His familiar eyes glinted and he must have recognized me.  It’s a start!  I sat down behind him and fumbled out a notebook and a pen from my backpack.  
“Okay…,” the professor started.  “Since we got everyone here-“
“Not quite, Dr. Perlmutter!”  The 30ish woman from the hallway yelled in a loud obnoxious voice.
“Ah yes.  Jodi,” Perlmutter said in exasperated voice.  “You know Jodi, I hope this happens to you when you are teaching.  I just hope everyone comes to your class late!”
“But I won’t care as much Dr. Perlmutter.  The fact that they show up eventually is fine by me!” Jodi chimed.  Without knowing her for even a minute, I despised her.  The fact they show up eventually… whatever!  Jodi maneuvered down the row next to mine and sat next to Jeff.  
“Okay…,” Dr. Whats-his-name said, slamming down his palms on the podium.  “Right now we’re on chapter 21, which by the way you should all should have been reading… Communities!...”
I stared at the back of Jeff’s lovely head and I could imagine my fingers delicately running through his hair.  What would it feel like?...
Jodi’s whisperings broke my concentration.  I couldn’t hear what she was saying but god- fucking-damn it I needed to concentrate!  I looked over at Jodi, who was chatting it up with the person sitting to her right.  Giggle giggle.       
“Now…the idea of communities brings up debate in the ecological world as to their existence.  Many think the idea of the community is another example of anthropomorphizing...”
I have to talk to Jeff today, a voice in my head commanded.  I missed my chance in high school but damn if I let him slip by me this time.  I…
Jodi’s whispering got louder.  I began to pick up on snippets.  “Hah… I know I know.  This guy doesn’t know what he’s doing…I can’t understand a single thing he is teaching…Oh it would be great to go out tonight.  Girls night out!  I hear ya…”
Argg.  I wondered what Jeff thought about all of this.  I’m sure he was as pissed as I was.  I was sure he valued silence as much as I do.  I thought back to high school…specifically senior year when I had every single class with him.  I developed a strategy back then…I would sit in an area of the room where I could look over at him.  Calculus was my best view.  He sat alone…like how I did.  He never talked to anyone…neither did I.  We had so much in common I felt…  
I watched Jodi’s every move.  She stopped talking and feverously scribbled something in her notebook.  She then ripped out the page in quite a dramatic fashion and passed it over to Jeff.  I stared in disbelief as he took it.  He took it!  What the fuck!  
Blooded rushed to my head as I saw his head bent down.  I could imagine his beautiful eyes reading the note…eyes that should be gazing into mine.  He once looked at me in high school.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I bumped into him by accident in the hallway.  He looked right at me as I uttered an apology.  You can tell a lot from a person by just their eyes…and I saw in him kindness and a keen wit.  He just nodded with a ironic smile and walked by...  
With a fluid motion, he passed the note back to Jodi.  She took a moment to read the note, then shook with laughter.  I heard the bass again as the my heart pounded.  Thump.  Thump.  I wasn’t even hearing things right.  I imagined sand slipping through my hands, blooding trickling down my head and dripping off my chin, chairs in the classroom breaking free from gravity and levitating…Thump.  Hiss.  Thump.  Hiss.  The bass continued and it reminded me of that Nine Inch Nails song.  I grasped my ears and try to stop the screeching I heard.  
Jodi, the old fucking bitch, passed the note back to him.  I saw him smile at her that same smile he gave me in the hallway when I had bumped into him.  Tears streamed down my face and I felt as if the world melted.  I spiraled down into the dark recesses of I don’t know where.  Falling and falling and falling...
I jumped out of my seat, nearly knocking it over.  “Stop it!  Stop it stop it stop it!” I screamed, pointing at Jodi.  “I’ve had it!  You…you…I’ve had to put up with your whispering and your I don’t care if anyone comes in late and-and your passing notes!”
Jodi mouth gaped open, as did everyone else’s.  The only sound that was heard was the buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead.  Jeff turned around and looked at me.  I looked straight into his eyes and mummered “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“-Uh.  Excuse me!” Dr. Whatever said, his hands glued to the podium.  “Who are you?  I don’t know you.”
“That’s because I’m not in your class.  Duh!  I don’t even go to Western Carolina University!”  I said with a good natured laugh.  With one last look at Jeff, I walk out of the class. 
I rushed out of the building and found a bench to sit on.  Damn it.  I’ve lost it.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  Why?   I had the chance to talk to him and I fucked it up.  
	My fragmented thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps.  I looked up and saw Jeff standing with my backpack in hand.  
	“I think you left this,” he said softly.  I smiled at him.  He finally talked to me!  “I – uh – have so many questions.”  He sat down next to me.  So do I, I thought.  The one question that plagued me at that moment was why on earth would a guy like him follow after some crazy person like me.  But, after all, this is only fiction.