Matters of State!

What? Doom's new ally: Henry Kissinger!

How? Not mind control! Non-aggression Pact!

Details? Yessir, that's none other than Doctor Henry Kissinger telling the Fantastic Four to stand down! (Stay tuned for the Doctor Doom/Doctor Kissinger one shot: When Diplomats Obfuscate! along with its special gatefold cover with a timeline of the development of NATO-Latverian relations developments!) You see, the Fantastic Four had entered Latveria to put a stop to Doom's latest plan, battled past his castle minions as usual, only to find Doom engaged in international strategy with the United States! Don't be surprised, true believers, the old U.S. of A. has a habit of lending support to dictators when it suits our purposes! Especially way back in the seventies. Little did Gerald Ford or Jimmy Carter imagine that such a policy would ever apply to Latveria and Doom, however! (Richard Nixon did imagine it, folks, and you can hear so yourself in the latest release of Nixon tapes.)

Art by Herb Trimpe

You know, there's a whole side of Doom's life we rarely hear about:

"You dare interrupt Doom at the conference table, Richards? My Doombots will force your apology to the prime minister!"

"See here, General, how the United States carelessly breaks international treaty by sending its agents to invade Latveria?"

"Of course Doom will abide by your petty nuclear arms treaty! Doom gave up such primitive weaponry long ago!"

"See how it is good for both of our nations for you to accept Latveria's exports? Yes? Good. Doomsman, you may release the ambassador. Doom is nothing if not gracious."

And people wonder why he's been around so long...

Quote: (to Henry Kissinger) "Come, come -- we are both men of the world! Businessmen's hours are for businessmen! What is time to the fate of nations? If the truth be known, I have waited years for you to come to me!" 

Matters of the Heart!

What? Doom's hot for Storm!!

How? Okay, we confess: it's a Doombot (with poor taste)

Details? What? Doom needs no man! ... or woman! That's a DOOMBOT that forms a loose alliance with Arcade during an X-Men storyline and starts to lust after Storm...

Geez. That sounds more ridiculous than the issues read. Yes, Chris Claremont attempted this ridiculous story, but thankfully John Byrne modified the facts in Fantastic Four #258, wherein Doom destroys the lovesick robot. Can you imagine such a thing? These things are enough of a nuisance as it is. Can you imagine them stopping in the middle of battle with, say, the Avengers in order to express their admiration for the Wasp? If you think that gives you the willies, imagine how the Avengers would feel. And was Storm flattered by the attention then heartbroken when she learned it was really a robot? Maybe she should compare notes with the Scarlet Witch.

Art by Dave Cockrum and Josef Rubinstein

Arcade somehow survives this mess and turns up with a Doombot of his own in Uncanny X-Men #197 as he torments Kitty and Colossus. Although no reference is made to it, it's interesting to think that Arcade might have been deep enough to appreciate the irony of having a Doombot. At least his Doombot didn't go around developing sentience or passing love notes off to super-heroines. For all the people who have access to such lifelike robot technology, only Doom's seem to have such complications. And why is it that so many people have such technology? the Red Skull? Arcade? Magneto? Did Latveria have a side sale somewhere? Headline: Latveria Recoups National Debt Through Sale of Stupid Robots.

Quote: "She is on the dias behind you. My metabolic transmuter transformed her from flesh and blood into living chrome. This orb will reverse the process."
How well Doombots treat the objects of their affections!

Matters of War!

When? Fantastic Four #260

What? Doom ... miscalculates.

How? Well, the Power Cosmic was involved. You know how Doom gets when he's around that stuff.

Art by John Byrne

Details? Terrax was stripped of his "power cosmic" and left all but dead by Galactus. Doom healed him to use as his guinea pig for an experiment he knew would kill Terrax in the end. Granting him the ability to regulate energy infused into him through an irradiation chamber, Doom sets Terrax off to seek revenge on the Fantastic Four. But Reed's not there, dammit, and Reed has to be there! Reed had been taken captive by aliens, you see, and it just wouldn't do for Doom to have the other three get whomped without Reed there. So Doom tries to stop his own underling's attack.

And for his trouble, his armor becomes fused by Terrax's retaliation. This leaves Doom's body to be destroyed by the Silver Surfer and Terrax as they collide in a fiery ball of doom. (Fear my puns!) We the readers know that Doom used the Ovoid mind transfer process to beam his mind into the body of a bystander, but the Fantastic Four were pretty convinced they had seen the last of the Latverian monarch. Meanwhile, Victor Von Doom assumed the life of one Norman MacArthur. Fortunately, he had no children to care for (more little Kristoffs running around would have been bad, just bad), but he did have a young wife, Peggy, who became quite concerned by her rather suburban husband's sudden interest in world domination and advanced technology. No doubt he was the terror of the local bowler's league and that supermarket learned not to ask him for identification with his credit cards. Although Peg got her husband back 28 issues later when Reed tricked the Beyonder into restoring Doom, she probably always will miss the great gas mileage her vehicles had as well as the non-existent energy bills.

Quote: "Where is Richards? He must come! He must see the humiliation and destruction of his loved ones before he himself perishes. Something has gone wrong. He is not coming."

A Matter of Victory!

What? Doom conquers the world ... again.

How? Well, they all have to breathe, don't they?

Art by Bob Hall

Details? Over in Super Villain Team Up #14, Doom uses a gas to take over the minds of the entire world! For some reason, only Magneto is left to challenge him, and frankly it's not much of a challenge. What resistance Magneto is able to offer is running to the Champions to cry for help, but they too serve Doom! Only the Beast is freed from Doom's control, and let's face it, Doom versus the Beast can only fill a few panels before it's back to business for Victor (along with a nice fur rug for that fireplace). What's this then? Since there's no resistance, there's no fight? Well, no, because the Hulk and Hercules, both under Doom's command, fight for no apparent reason whatsoever! Who says this isn't the Marvel Age of Comics?

As for Magneto, he does manage to run away once things are settled. Ghost Rider, who doesn't need to breathe, so doesn't become a slave, managed to heat up Doom's mask, forcing Doom to remove it and inhale his own gas! Thus, Doom becomes a servant to ... Doom! But Doom serves no man! But Doom must obey Doom! Aie! Don't think about it too much or you'll get the same headache he did. As for Magneto, he really needs to get a clue. Doom has conquered the world, what, three separate times now? How many times do you have, Mags? Go away and change your name to Joe or something, will ya?

Now I'm not one to offer advice to Doom or anything, but he did try essentially the same trick in Emperor Doom. There he used Purple Man chemicals to control everyone after they breathed them. (Everyone as in the entire world once again. Doom aims high, sees the big picture, and all that jazz.) In Emperor Doom, his plan begins to unravel when Wonder Man, who also DOES NOT BREATHE is able to free other Avengers from Doom's control. Now, fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on Doom. Isn't there another way to go about this?

Quote: (to President Jimmy Carter) "Silence! Cease your jabbering -- all of you! Never in Latveria did I have to put up with such insanity! There my subjects obeyed me out of fear! Here I cannot tell whether you obey because of my neuro-gas -- or out of your own revolting self interest!"