Who Asked You Anyway ?
By RAWF Columnist “Mr. Nice Guy”I hope you’ll excuse me if you don’t waste copious amounts of time with the typical trite and empty greetings that most columnists seem so obsessively attached to. I’m not here to suck up to people and it certainly won’t be my style. Sure, I’ll compliment people if my opinion happens to facilitate that, but it won’t be gratuitous. If I think someone is an overrated chump I’ll have no problem saying so. With that said, let’s get to the column shall we ?
Now, normally I’ll start off by jumping feet first into some major dealing, happening or ongoing drama within the confines of the world’s greatest wrestling promotion, that promotion being RAWF of course. Most people would use that trite “because this is my first article” nonsense to justify doing something that would be slightly out of the ordinary. I won’t. I’m starting with something this week that has been annoying the hell out of me lately, and that something is those mindless, two line wonder half wits who strut onto a promotion’s boards and say such incredibly profound things as “This fed sucks”. Now, maybe it’s just me, but could I beg one polite indulgence of you eloquent executors of the English language…
Do us all a favor and dig yourself deeply back into whatever festering pile of waste that you were spawned from ok ? No one wants to hear these idiotic and pointless statements. They are not only a complete waste of time and board space, but providing that you possess the mental acumen to realize it, they only serve to make you look like a total blowhard and idiot. Might it have occurred to you worms that the best way to come in and “prove” your “point” (if I can be excused for calling such meaningless meanderings a “point”) would be to join said promotion, be it RAWF or some other fortunate federation, and proceed to whoop the hell out of the entire roster ? Probably not…such a pattern of thought would require an IQ that’s rated above the room temperature of an Eskimo’s igloo in December. If you Shakesperian Specialists can somehow manage it, and I personally doubt you can, why not just do us all a favor and either jumpstart your brains towards something meaningful or go outside and play chicken with a tractor trailer….
Without the benefit of a motor vehicle.
Now that I have that out of the way let’s get down to the proverbial “brass tacks”. After all, the purpose of this column isn’t to give those mindless board polluters free airtime. First and foremost let me say something that I’ve been waiting since RAWF’s involvement in X-net began a few months ago.
Congratulations to RAWF for FINALLY being X-Net Fed of the month.
I understand that the comments that I’m about to make won’t ingratiate me to certain people, but personally that really isn’t a concern of mine. If it was I wouldn’t write. Those comments are the following…it’s about damned time. I’ve been watching RAWF almost since the get go way back in January. I’ve seen all three World Champions crowned, the walk out of one under what could be regarded (and by many are) as dubious circumstances, the rise of athletes such as Pickles, Croc, Arsenal X and the man who could be the next World Champion.. Shawn Dee. I’ve seen great men come to much hype and accomplish nothing. I’ve seen mediocre men come under little fanfare and accomplish a lot and in so doing make themselves great and I’ve seen men who thought they were great come in, make a ton of noise, accomplish nothing of merit and walk out whining that “it just isn’t fair”. Thankfully those “men” who I mentioned last are now someone else’s problem, although I can still occasionally hear their crying as I sit here and ponder my column. In all this time I’ve seen RAWF come up the constant Number 2 to whoever happened to squeak in as Number One. As the old cliché goes…“Always the bridesmaid….never the bride.” This seemed to be the perpetual lot for the great talent and management of RAWF and I always wondered why that was. I can’t profess to understand how some of the people who have been seen as the top individual talents in the X-Net community over the months have gotten there, I can only say that when X-Net does get it right there is no doubt about it. What I still don’t understand is how RAWF has come up #2 so many times when it was obvious that they should have been king of the hill. Maybe I’ll never know and if that is the case that’s fine, at least I can go about my days knowing that I at least spoke my mind about it. After all that has been said though I reiterate my original point in this section of my diatribe…congratulations to all the talent and people who make RAWF the 5 Star promotion that it has been
You finally got the credit you deserve.
Now, on to some specific matters within RAWF that are present going into this week’s Chaos and that will continue to be going into the July Pay Per View, Philadelphia Freedom.
First of all Chaos this week, I figured I’d do the somewhat standard thing and run over the card and give some thoughts on each match. Before that some general comments though. Recently we have seen the formation of three distinct new factions in RAWF. The three factions are the WsW Faction that is apparently led by Pickles and his sidekick Jay V. This is presuming that they have a “leader”. They might be like the Elite Establishment in that there is no defined “leader”, they’re just a group of associates who had a common experience that they all looked favorably back on and decided to fly that as their “banner”, if you will. The WsW faction is composed of Pickles, Jay V and the ever unusual Adz. It did consist of former RAWF World Heavyweight Champion Alex Layne, but as we saw on the last Chaos he took his toys and left, threatening a lawsuit. I can’t comment on this alleged legal action because not only do I know little of it, but I’ve had almost no contact with Alex of any kind in the last three weeks or so. All I can hope is that he is not serious in this, time will tell. In regards to the rest of the faction the loss of Layne doesn’t seem to have cost them much steam. Pickles and Adz are still going strong. With two of RAWF’s more prestigious Title’s in their camp it’s hard to see them sliding downhill. I could see Pickles as a contender for the World Title someday, maybe sooner rather than later. Adz…well…he’s strange and hard to understand, but he took the US Title from Baggs and that’s no simple accomplishment. He’s also managed to hold onto it and create a fervor around it. In his own quirky way he’ll make that title worth a lot more. I guarantee it.
Next we have The Brotherhood. This is RAWF’s resident dysfunctional family. In it we have the current Ironman Champion, “The Aussie Icon” Croc, his sidekick Chris Newton and their silent partner StreeX. StreeX….the guy named himself after something you leave on the highway…or in you shorts after…well…nevermind. I won’t go there, not this week anyway. To me Croc and Newton kind of strike me as the “Norton” and “Ralph Cramden” of RAWF. That pairing of course with Croc as Ralph and Newton as Norton. It kinda fits when you think about it. “Newton”… “Norton”. Think about it.
Finally that brings us to the self proclaimed “New Blood”. Personally if these guys are the “New Blood” of RAWF we’re in deep s*it. This motley crew of cast off’s and want to be’s consists of Matt “Daddy” Higgerson, Seann Storm, Jza Rian and the self proclaimed “Axe Man” Zak Hackett. These guys have only been around for a few weeks and already there are rumors floating around that one of them has gotten a bit of a swelled head and is considering bailing on the team. My advice to you…go for it. What’s the worst that can happen ? You’ll fail at it ? I’m telling all the members now…you’re crossing swords with the wrong people if you tangle with the Establishment. Their name is not a misnomer and you’re going to find out why. Let’s face facts…Higgerson has repeatedly not been able to get the job done when it matters. He blew his shot at the big strap against Dirge and he blew his shot at the United States Title against Adz at Conquest. How does teaming with three other people help tilt that equation in his favor ? It didn’t mean a damned thing at Conquest did it ? No. I don’t see this alliance being the magical ingredient that helps him get over the hump from cellar to penthouse, as some are wont to say. Be realistic Matt, shoot for the bottom, work on your style and presence a little harder and then move towards the top. That moves me to the new RAWF Tag Team Champions…Seann Storm and Jza Rian. Now, I’ll say this bluntly. They stole the Tag Team Titles at Conquest. This is not a criticism however; you do what you have to to get the job done. I just wonder if they did it because they didn’t trust their abilities enough to get it done the right way or because they had deluded themselves into feeling that they made some kind of a statement that way. In either case they’re going to have to answer for it and I’d be willing to wager it’s gonna be damned soon too. Always understand the ramifications of yanking on a predator’s tail before you do it. Finally that brings me to Zak Hackett. Even I’ll say that he put one a pretty good showing going into Conquest and made a solid run at Pickles’ RAWF Television Title. He hasn’t said much since then and unfortunately for him the newly returned Baggs, while not having said much, has some something. I have to believe that Baggs will speak at least once more before Chaos. After all Zak cost him the US Title and being someone who has known Baggs for a few years now and has seen him wrestle in multiple promotions I can tell everyone that he won’t let that go. Zak you’d better say something because in RAWF it looks very bad to go down without swinging. Personally I see the “New Blood” as having a short run against a group that they should know better than to tangle with. We’ll see how it comes out. You all know my opinion on the matter.
Finally I’ll wrap this up by going down the card for this Monday’s Chaos, airing live from The Rose Bowl in Portland, Oregon. This is a good card from top to bottom, with some very interesting matches shaping up in them. I’ll be up front and say that the opening match doesn’t do much for me, but after that things pick up until we culminate with the RAWF World Heavyweight Title on the line as the reigning and as yet to be defeated Champ Blake Zulu takes on his friend, and current Elite Establishment member “The Mountain Dew Fueled SOB” Shawn Dee. It should be one hell of a show.
Match 1: Jason “Bad Boy” Bryant vs Sinner: So far the only speaking done has been by Sinner and if his promo is any indication he’s not concentrating on his match enough. In his promo he went from G-Sex, to Jason Pryde, to Blackout, Alex Layne and Zulu, Draven, Kris Wayne, Christ Daniels, Seven and some poor, dumb tech that got in his way. My advice to you Sinner is CONCENTRATE. Forget about everyone but Bryant. They’re not important. If you want to win you have to keep your mind where it should be, and that’s in the ring with your march. If you don’t, you’ll lose and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Jason that moves me to you and my advice for you is just as simple. It can be summed up in one measly word…TALK !! Dammit man, where’s your pride, your spine… hell…your balls ?! No one ever won by imitating Buster Keaton (dated movie reference there) and doing their best mime impression ! If you don’t cut a promo, you lose. It’s the most basic equation of the industry. Talking= heat. Try impersonating a prison bit*h and open your god*amned mouth !
My Prediction: In the absence of a verbal flood by Bryant I’m goin with Sinner in this one.
Match 2: Tag Match: Arsenal X and Deadman K vs The Brotherhood (Croc and Newton) There’s been plenty of wonderful heat for this match, most of it between Arsenal X and Croc with some shots thrown in by Deadman K for good measure. Personally I’ve enjoyed this match’s buildup a great deal. I expect to see Croc and X kick the living hell out of each other in this match with Newton and Deadman K playing well done supporting roles. There’s gonna be blood, pain and possibly some broken bones here and it’s gonna be great. I wouldn’t be shocked to see a brawl break out before the match even gets underway. That’s how high the animosity between Croc and X is, as well as X and the Brotherhood. They cost him the Ironman Title at Conquest and Triple Threat Title or no you have to bet that X is lookin to get even and make Croc pay his tab in blood. This one should be a barnburner.
My Prediction: Push. Too close to call.
Match 3: Big Kahuna vs Apocalypse Big K has been on the mother of all losing streaks lately and it’s been eating at him like a cockroach crack whore in a redwood forest. For his part Apocalypse is pouring on the theatrics in what most can see is a vain attempt to intimidate Kahuna. Newsflash Apoc…Kahuna has faced two former RAWF World Champions and though he lost every one of those matches he put in a good showing. Shelve the dime store theatrics and just get down to business, because your chances of intimidating a man who’s faced Dirge twice and Alex Layne once is about as high as the Titanic pulling into New York Harbor tomorrow. Kahuna has a lot riding on this match, it could serve to turn his luck around and get him back on track. The amazing thing about his losing streak is that he’s still one of the top dogs in RAWF in spite of it. This match could change everything for him. For Apoc beating Kahuna would make the bookers have to pay some attention to him in the future. It remains to be seen whether or not he can hack it though. I for one don’t think so.
My Prediction: Kahuna.
Match 4: Kris Wayne vs Blackout Last week we saw the return of Blackout, the self proclaimed “Greatest Television Champion in RAWF History”. Now, while the stats don’t do him any favors in that claim it’s good to see that the kid hasn’t thrown the towel in on his career. He came back in a big way last week, dropping G-Sex and making it known that he’s got the growing fan favorite solidly in his crosshairs. For his part Blackout seems prepared for this week and is going to use Wayne to make a statement to G-Sex. If Wayne wants to come of this match like he did last week, when he pulled a shocker out of his can against Draven, he’d better start talking. Otherwise Blackout is going to leave him in a heap on the mat.
My Prediction: Blackout
Match 5: Blackjack Grier vs Draven Draven is still fuming from last week’s loss to Kris Wayne and he’s making no bones about it to everyone. I’ve spoken to him a few times this week and he’s livid at what happened last week. He thinks it was bad officiating and I think it was a combination of good timing by Wayne and carelessness by Draven. Maybe the officials are somewhat to blame, for my part I’m not setting foot on that one. Draven hasn’t stopped cursing about last week since it ended; conversely Grier hasn’t said that much about it. It appears that some people here are suffering from a sudden case of muteness. Draven is out for someone’s head and right now Grier is the man in his tunnel vision. I expect this one to be ugly and violent…and that’s before it even starts.
My Prediction: Draven
Match 6: Baggs vs Zak Hackett If Baggs return last week showed nothing else it showed that he wants to tear Hackett apart for costing him the US Title. Baggs has said as much already and I wouldn’t be surprised if we have heard it more by the time Chaos starts on Monday. Hackett has been another one of the quiet ones this week. This could mean that the New Blood has plans for this match, or maybe Hackett just doesn’t consider Baggs a threat. Whatever the reason for his silence is he’d better get his act together soon because if he doesn’t Baggs is going to destroy him. Before I pass my prediction on this one I have a word of warning to the New Blood…you might want to stay in the back for this one. As they say “everyone pays the piper” (and I don’t mean Roddy Piper) and your time is coming soon. I know a lot of the guys in EE personally and let’s just say that they find your efforts to embarrass them amusing at best. Payback time is coming soon. Hackett is only the prelude.
My Prediction: Baggs
Match 7: RAWF Television Title- Pickles © vs Matt Higgerson I’m going with Pickles in this one hands down. He’s been on a roll lately and I don’t see any reason why Higgerson would have the tools to end that roll. I don’t see the tires coming off of this steaming semi anytime soon. The TV Title will come into Chaos on Pickles and leave with him.
My Prediction: Still RAWF Television Champion- Pickles
Match 8: RAWF United States Title- Adz © vs G-Sex This match is unique in that it pairs two fan favorites against each other for a Title that is rapidly gaining in prestige. It pits the always eccentric Adz against the Rapmaster of RAWF, G-Sex. G has been by far his usual talkative self this week while Adz has been surprisingly silent. I personally think that Adz is putting all of his concentration into the Interfed Tournament on behalf of RAWF. While I find that loyalty admirable I would also say that it’s going to cost him his US Title as well. On the flipside G-Sex has high aims for himself and that’s certainly not a bad thing…he’d just better be careful who he tangles with as he rises through the ranks. That though is left for another column.
My Prediction: the NEW RAWF US Champion- G-Sex
MAIN EVENT: This match is for the big one, the strap that we all strive for in RAWF… the World Heavyweight Title. This match pits the Blake Zulu, the most popular Champion in RAWF history (if not the most popular personality in the promotion’s history) against a member of the most hated faction in the promotion in Shawn Dee. The funny thing about this is that Shawn has been rapidly gaining in popularity in recent weeks without betraying his friends in the Elite Establishment. He’s still respected and feared within the fed for that association while being respected and by some loved for being his own man within that faction. His gutsy and valiant performance at Conquest where he took on both members of the New Blood put many fans into his court and from what I heard even deeply impressed his friends within the EE. While most would think that former Champion Dirge would consider his friend taking the Title a betrayal, from what I’ve heard he’s thrilled that his friend is getting this shot and is very greatly pulling for him. The fact that Blake and Dee are friends is only serving to make the respect between the two men a deeper factor in this match, which will only serve to make that match that much better because of everything the two men are going to throw into it. There have been rumors that Zoo has been silent because he sustained some kind of injury during training this week but no one knows for certain. I’m not willing to criticize him for his silence like I am with the others; he’s earned my respect through and through. I have a feeling that we’re going to see a Title change this coming Monday though. Mark my words on that one.
RAWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Blake Zulu © vs Shawn Dee
My Prediction: the NEW RAWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION- Shawn Dee
That’s all from me for this edition of “Who Asked You Anyway ?”, please send any comments to Mr. Nice Guy at [email protected]. Until then do whatever it is you do, I’m outta here.