[Stupid Robbers] A man and woman arrested for the robbery of the Everett, Massachusetts, Co-op Bank were also suspects in at least eight other successful bank robberies. Getting a confession from the woman was easier than the police ever could have expected. According to one of the officers the woman was asked all the routine questions such as height, weight, age, etc. When asked her occupation, the woman said, "Bank robber". XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx Police shot a man who was attempting to rob a grocery store after he charged them in an attempt to escape. According to the police, the man ran toward them with his index finger extended, yelling, "Bang! Bang!" XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx A husband and wife team entered a service station, waving guns and threatened to rob the place. The man took the manager at gunpoint into the office where the safe was located, while the woman stayed out front with the assistant manager. Making small talk during the robbery, the assistant manager told the woman about the great contest the store was sponsoring and said that if she filled out an entry form, she might win a slew of different prizes. The excited woman quickly filled out the form, using her real name, address, and phone number. She then crossed her fingers for good luck and handed the form to the assistant manager. The couple was quickly arrested. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO A construction crew was putting the finishing touches on a major project in Klamath Falls, Oregon. All that remained was the erection of two no-parking signs about 50 yards apart. One worker drove to the designated area, installed the first sign and walked 50 yards to put up the other. When he returned to his truck, there was a parking ticket affixed to the windshield. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. "The head is too big," the professor explained. "The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous." The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, 'A' minus." OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [Philosophical Takes] I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. People who live in glass houses shouldn't cavort nude on top of the piano doing gorilla impersonations. A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!' OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it." OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [Leadership Quotes] "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." -- Peter F. Drucker XXXXXXXXX "A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd." -- Max Lucado XXXXXXXXX "Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." -- Maya Angelou XXXXXXXXX "Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them." -- John Maxwell XXXXXXXXX "Leadership is a choice, not a position." -- Stephen R. Covey XXXXXXXXX "Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women." -- Groucho Marx XXXXXXXXX "An army of a thousand is easy to find, but, ah, how difficult to find a general." -- Chinese proverb XXXXXXXXX "Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions." -- Harold S. Geneen XXXXXXXXX "Leadership is a combination of strategy and character. If you must be without one, be without the strategy." -- Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf XXXXXXXXX "Leadership is the special quality which enables people to stand up and pull the rest of us over the horizon." -- James L. Fisher