10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:- 1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:-Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre. 2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should i try this time." 3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people. Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you? 4. At a restaurant :When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement. We occasionaly also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big. Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...I am in for the money. 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping? Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think? 8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut? Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding...... 9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts? Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite. 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!! ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ [[[Good books to read]]] "A Toddler's Guide to the Rubber Industry." by D. Lowe, 1947 "The Bright Side of Prison Life.' by Captain S.A. Swiggert, 1897 ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ The executive was interviewing a young lady for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The gal quickly responded, "The living one." ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!" ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ While looking at a house, the Dairy asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When the Dairy explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ 13 Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4 Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweat pants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff and my favorite one. 13. Potential Murder Suspect ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, she jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must've been scary", said the teacher. "It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before she could say "F**k," the Rottweiler bit her!" ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ The Top 5 Signs You're About to Be Dumped 5> Your girlfriend changes her screen name from Suzie1981 to SuzieLez1981. 4> She keeps having strange men come in to try out your butt-groove on the couch. 3> She calls out another guy's name while making love. To that other guy. In your car. While you're driving them to the airport. 2> She sits you down and starts the classic "It's not you, it's me" speech with, "It's YOU, asshole!!! All you, you, you, you, you! Oh, my God, it is soooooooo YOU!!" and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're About to Be Dumped... 1> "Hi, this is Dan at the suicide hotline. Just checking in. Feel free to call back anytime." ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the ther monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why. AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY & GOVERNMENT POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED. ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ The Jackson police were searching for a man they suspected of a string of burglaries. They had six photographs of the man, all taken in different locations and from different angles. They sent fax copies of these pictures to police departments all over the country. Several days later, Jackson received a fax report from the police chief in a small town in Nebraska. The memo read, "We immediately went to work on those six pictures you sent. We've shot five of the suspects, and we have the sixth under observation right now." ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ Game Show Host: Which Scotsman discovered penicillin in 1928? Contestant: Alexander Penicillin? -- on Talksport breakfast show (UK) ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ For weeks, a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the Mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Benjamin, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Benjamin burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy swallowed it!" ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ ^O^ "It's so easy to blame others -- which is one of the reasons I enjoy doing it." --Bill Muse "Woohoo! Today's my lucky day! According to the naked genie I found in my girlfriend's closet, I get three wishes!" --Billy "Croc" Coats "I don't understand why my wife got angry when I scribbled all over the walls and threw my food on the floor. She's the one who said women are attracted to bad boys." -- Kim Moser "I think I know how to get my dog to stop eating poop. All I need to do is somehow find a way to make it taste bad." -- Sebastian Pivnicka "Perhaps you know why women over sixty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them." -- Qiltmeister "If I were a recovering sex addict, I think I would opt for group therapy." -- Pam Pickard "You should install mental detectors in school." -- Boston Mayor Thomas Menino "I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over." -- San Diego Padres sportscaster Jerry Cooleman