We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take towels." [Reader's Digest.] VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." She fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "Hebrews." VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as lighting the unity candle from two individual candles. Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Our minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if we wanted to extinguish our candles or leave them burning. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9" Principal: "What is 16 x 16?" Harry: "256" The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree. Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Harry: "Legs" Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!) Harry: "Pockets" Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Harry: "Coconut" Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Harry: "Bubblegum" Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Harry: "Shake hands" Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Harry: "Tent" Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and bit tense) Harry: "Wedding Ring" Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." Harry: "Nose" Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." Harry: "Arrow" Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the sixth-grade. I got the last ten questions wrong myself. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us. The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away. My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box - obviously not knowing how to spell the best one word description: "Stuffed animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party." VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Our pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the church, the fellowship committee stood to go to the church hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them rise, Pastor Michael singled them out for praise. "Before they all slip out," he urged, "let's give these ladies a big hand in the rear." VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "If it sells, it's art." Frank Lloyd. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't." --Abraham Lincoln VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." --Winston Churchill VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." -- Dave Barry VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV "Our goal to promote a non-threatening and productive office environment is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity." -- Anon VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Attachments: Exotic watches (Thanks to Lichen.)