My good friend Willa works as a travel agent. One day she got a call from a frantic lady who wanted the International Postal Code for Greece. "I'm sorry, ma'am," Willa told her, "this is a travel agency. We're not the post office." The lady on the phone persisted. "You SEND people to Greece, don't you?" Willa shot back, "Yeah, but not in an envelope." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth." "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." "Yes, I know." "So, why did you come in here?" "The light was on." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. "We have to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out. Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied, "Are you sure you want your business card to read 'Imagination, Limited'?" [Contributed to Reader's Digest.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends." On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor." A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS" A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road." On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.' Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice' A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go downhill the fastest. Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead' A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads:' Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!' Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you. Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot" "Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense." I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." -Kevin Hench ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Leaders achieve their effectiveness chiefly through the stories they relate... In addition to communicating stories, leaders embody those stories." -- Howard Gardner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now." --Unknown ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "A new study found that sleep is essential to creativity. I'd just like to say that we have the most creative audience in all of television!" --Craig Kilborn ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be." -- Helen Keller ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "He gets so much in speaking fees these days that when I saw him in New York the other night and said hello to him he said, 'That'll be $10.'" --Former US Presidential candidate Bob Dole is amused at how much former US President Bill Clinton earns on the lucrative public speaking circuit.