<<Rated: PG>>

Evening classes for men. Starting this month !!

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum 
of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration.


1. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
    Individual counselors available.

2. TOILET PAPER: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
    Roundtable discussion.

3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
    Practicing with hamper.  Pictures and graphics.

4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR 
   DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
    Debate among panel of experts.

5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
    Help line and support groups. (Hopefully this will also focus on LOSING the HISTORY 
    CHANNEL SEGMENT)

6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING 
   THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
    Open forum.

7.  HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
     PowerPoint presentation.

8.  REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
     Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.

9.  IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
     Driving simulation.

10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND.
     Online class and role playing.

11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
     Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING 
    TO BE LATE.
     Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

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<<Rated: PG>>


"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son trumpet lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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<<Rated: G>>

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking 
forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting 
at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

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<<Rated: G>>

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas 
to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, 
she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"

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<<Rated: R>>

At the immigration check point:

Q.: "Name?

A.: "Mohammad Abdul Dalah Sarafi."

Q.: "Sex?"

A.: "Four times a week."

Q.: "No, no, no... male or female?"

A.: "Female... sometimes camel..." 


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<<Rated: G>>


Only in US 

-- After 911, US Pilots can now carry handgguns, except for the pilots who failed the 
   psychological exam. They're not allowed to carry guns. They can only fly airplanes with 
   people on them. 

-- A fire station in Georgetown, Kentucky wwas shut down after a safety inspection revealed 
   fire code violations, including improper fire walls and non-functioning smoke alarms.

-- 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets  each year. 

-- Robert Moses, the man responsible for buuilding most major highways in New York, never 
   learned to drive.

-- Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grrown in New Jersey. 

-- There are two credit cards for every perrson in the United States. 

-- Americans Will Consume Over 7 Billion Hoot Dogs This Summer.

-- Michael Jackson owns the rights to the SSouth Carolina State anthem. 

-- Every minute in the U.S. six people turnn 17.

-- The original name of Los Angeles was "Ell Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles 
   del rio Porciuncula", translating into: "The Village of our Lady the Queen of the Angels 
   of the Porciuncula River." 

-- United States has fewer English speakerss than China. 

-- Americans on the average eat 18 acres off pizza every day. 

-- Hawaii is the only US state that grows ccoffee. 

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<<Rated: G>>

As he was approaching the teller's window at his bank, a man tripped and careened 
forward. Fortunately, he caught himself before he fell.

"Apparently, sir," the teller said, "you came here to get your balance."

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<<Rated: PG-13>>


Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital 
where she worked. 

"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the 
young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed
for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power 
and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed
afterward!"

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<<Rated: R>>

The Vibrator.

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she
heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the
door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout 
with  a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you 
doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old,
unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband.
Go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming
from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon
entering the room, he observed his daughter making 
passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was 
doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, 
and  this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband.    
Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home from
a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen 
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the 
family room. They entered that area and observed the 
husband/father sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to 
him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law.."

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<<Rated: R>>

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out 
of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, 
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device...
a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? 
You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

[Thanks to Barb.]

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<<Rated: G>>


Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher 
says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said 
"If this church is to become better, it must take up its bed, and walk."

The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will 
have to throw aside its hindrances and run!"

The congregation replied, "Let it run, Preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will 
have to take up its wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk." 

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<<Rated: G>>


I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping through a magazine I found a
hairstyle that would look good on me. I asked the receptionist if I could take the 
magazine next door to make a copy of the haristyle photo.   

"Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID--a driver's license or credit card."   

"But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained.   

"Yeah... but we need something you'll come back for."   


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<<Rated: PG>>

[[[Quotes]]]


"Many men go fishing their entire lives without knowing it is not fish they are after."
-- Henry David Thoreau


"Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training." -- Anna Freud


"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
-- Jane Wagner


"My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember
your number." --Orville Cogswell   


"Patience is what you require when the fish are not hungry." -- Unknown


"Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again."
-- F. P. Jones


"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." -- W. C. Fields 


"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' 
(I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'"  -- Isaac Asimov


"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -- Lily Tomlin


"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." -- Benjamin Franklin


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<<Rated: G>>

Cool Links

Interesting News about some of your favorite American Junkfood - McDonald's, M&Ms, Haagen-Dazs, etc. 
http://www.junkfoodnews.com/


A crazy guy and his 5000+ people wild party in New York City.
http://www.toshifilm.com/