Letter Re-arrangement DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS *************************************************** While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." *************************************************** We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." *************************************************** Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Amanpreet was excited by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat did the United States export? Smiling confidently, Preet wrote, "1776. None." *************************************************** A 3 year old boy was taking a bath, He started examining his private parts and said to his mother, "Mommy? Are these my brains?" His mother replied "No honey, not yet." *************************************************** In the 16th century, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T ,"(Ship High In Transport) which became a standard marker on manure shipments has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. *************************************************** As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate. One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed. "How old are you?" I typed. "Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?" Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten." *************************************************** Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!" *************************************************** An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for many years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." *************************************************** When actor Michael Caine was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2000, the Queen said to him, "You've obviously been doing what you do for a very long time, haven't you?" Caine later told a newspaper, "I felt like saying, 'And so have you.' But I didn't want to give the knighthood back immediately so, for once in my life, I kept my big mouth shut." *************************************************** Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked. "More than that," I laughed, "My instructor is stern and has a bit of a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again!" "I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years. *************************************************** While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly people, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" *************************************************** "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." --Lily Tomlin *************************************************** "I love money, I love women, I like to work hard and I don't use drugs." -- GENE SIMMONS of Kiss in a Billboard innterview. *************************************************** "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." --Unknown