I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put an ice cube into the cup so that I could drink the coffee soon. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Do fish fart? Actually according to the Ontario Science Centre whether or not fish fart, is an ongoing debate. Some experts say that the digestive gasses of fish are consolidated with their food waste and expelled in gelatinous tubes which fish then eat. But, fish have been known to emit bubbles due to an excess intake of air. For instance the sand tiger shark purposefully gulps air into its stomach at the surface then farts it out at the other end so it sinks to its desired depth. But it gets weirder; herring actually use farts to communicate with each other. Some people reported they could sometimes find herring by smelling and then seeing their "sounding bubbles" during hydroacoustic surveys. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX [[ Variety of Q & As ]] Q: What do you call a woman who can wash up, do the ironing, make the beds, feed the kids, hang out the laundry, cook dinner and take the dog for a walk all at the same time? A: A Swiss Army Wife -------------------------------------------------- Q: What happens when frogs park illegally? A: They get toad! -------------------------------------------------- Q: What was the best thing you read all year? Singer Justin Timberlake: You mean like a book? -------------------------------------------------- Q: "What is the shape of the earth?" kindergarten teacher asked. A: "According to my Daddy -- terrible!" a little girl responded. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Things You Learned from the Movies - It is always possible to park directly ouutside any building you are visiting. - A detective can only solve a case once hee has been suspended from duty. - If you decide to start dancing in the strreet, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. - Most laptop computers are powerful enoughh to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. - It does not matter if you are heavily outtnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. - When a person is knocked unconscious by aa blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. - No one involved in a car chase, hijackingg, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. - Police Departments give their officers peersonality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. - When they are alone, people from any counntry would speak English to each other. - You can always find a chainsaw when you nneed one. - Any lock can be picked by a credit card oor a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. - An electric fence, powerful enough to killl a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. - Television news bulletins usually containn a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX The priest is repairing the church fence. A boy is standing nearby for a long while. The priest asks him: "Do you want to speak with me, my son?" "No, I'm just waiting." "Waiting for what?" "Waiting to hear what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX One summer day I rented my favorite horse from the local stables. We crossed the highway in the morning with no trouble, but at the end of the day, traffic at the same road spooked the horse. I dismounted and led him across the intersection. On the other side, he was still so skittish that I was unable to remount. I led the horse into a car-dealer's lot and approached a salesman to ask if he'd hold the horse while I remounted. The salesman breathed a sigh of relief and exclaimed: "Whew! I thought for a minute you were going to use him for a trade-in!" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by eighty pounds and he was a coward." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. "I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking." "No problem," the patient said patiently. "I'm sure by tomorrow you'll sober up." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Three old men are discussing their sex lives. The Italian man says, " Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5 minutes at the end." The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 15 minutes. The old Jewish Man says, "Well, last week my wife and I had sex too. I rubbed her body all over with chicken schmaltz (kosher chicken fat), we made love, and she screamed for 6 hours. The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They replied, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for 6 hours?" "I wiped my hands on the drapes." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX George W. went to a Home Depot. His bodyguards surrounded him, and everyone immediately took notice of the unusual sight. They looked closer and they saw who it was. Everyone was in awe. "Why would George W. be in a Home Depot?" they all asked each other. "He should have his workers do it for him". Finally, one man asked the President, "What are you doing in this little store of ours?" To which George replied, "Oh, everyone has been saying that I should get a new cabinet". XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Two guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Golfing A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play. On the first tee, the golfer missed his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par. The man turned to his caddie and said, "Well, I have never played this badly before!" To which the caddie replied, "I didn't realize you had played before, sir." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Wacky Advertisement Asian Lines Co., LTD: We pretend to offer the Cheapest Fares. Cassia: Ladie's Portable Panties XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX [[[ Quotation about spring or spring ]]] "Chicago is an October sort of city even in spring." -- Nelson Algren "Spring won't let me stay in this house any longer! I must get out and breathe the air deeply again." -- Gustav Mahler "Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June." -- Al Bernstein "All men's misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone." -- Jean De La Bruyere "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." -- Albert Camus "When spring comes the grass grows by itself." - from Tao Te Ching "Sweet as sweetest Grecian honey will my song be when I sing, O Beloved, in the season of the Spring!" -- Ruben Dario "A man has every season while a woman only has the right to spring." -- Jane Fonda "Love is a lock that linketh noble minds, Faith is the key that shuts the spring of love." -- Robert Greene "The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself." -- Ernest Hemingway "To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." -- George Santayana "No man can taste the fruits of autumn while he is delighting his scent with the flowers of spring." Samuel Johnson "To be amused at what you read - that is the great spring of quotation." -- Charles Edward Montague