Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

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Good Girls VS. Bad Girls 

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. 
Bad girls know they could do it better. 

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. 
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. 

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. 
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. 

Good girls pack their toothbrush. 
Bad girls pack their diaphragms. 

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only 
for starters. 

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. 
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. 

Good girls wax their floors. 
Bad girls wax their bikini lines. 

Good girls wear high heels to work. 
Bad girls wear high heels to bed. 

Good girls go out, go home, and then go to bed.
Bad girls go out, go to beds, and then go home.

Good girls say, "No." 
Bad girls say, "When?" 

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Two Iraqis boarded a flight out of New York. One sat in the 
window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before 
takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat. After 
takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes 
and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 
"I think I'll get up and get a beer."

"No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you." 

While he was gone, one of the Iraqis picked up the American's
shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other 
Arab said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." 

Again, the American obligingly went to get it and while he 
was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat 
in it. When the American returned to his seat, they all sat 
back and enjoyed the flight. 

As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into 
his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He looked 
at the two Iraqis and asked, "Why does it have to be this way? 
How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations?
This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing 
in beers?"

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Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies  

-It is always possible to park directly ouutside any building you are 
visiting. 
-A detective can only solve a case once hee has been suspended 
from duty. 

-If you decide to start dancing in the strreet, everyone you bump into 
will know all the
steps. 

-When a person is knocked unconscious by aa blow to the head, they 
will never suffer a
concussion or brain damage. 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijackingg, explosion, volcanic 
eruption or alien invasion
will ever go into shock. 

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefeer to speak English to each 
other. 

-You can always find a chainsaw when you nneed one. 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card oor a paper clip in seconds, 
unless it's the door
to a burning building with a child trapped inside. 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to killl a dinosaur will cause no 
lasting damage to an
eight-year-old child. 

-Television news bulletins usually containn a story that affects you 
personally at that
precise moment you turn the television on

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The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman.
The next day someone asked him how things had gone.

"She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply.

"Really?"

"Yes," answered the playboy. "All evening long she was saying 
'don't' and 'stop' and 'quit that.'"

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After living in our house for four years, we were moving out 
of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage 
door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just 
then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn 
carrying a plate full of muffins. 

"Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must 
have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff." 

The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the 
neighborhood!"

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Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? 
A: They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and 
   go in the other!


Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil!


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Whenever I travel by plane someone always says, "Have a safe 
trip." Since when does a safe plane flight become my respon-
sibility? I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do! Go kick 
the tires, drug test the pilot, what? I feel I'm doing my 
part by not going up to the cockpit every five minutes and 
asking, "Are we there yet?"


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My husband and  I work different shifts and try to schedule 
appointments so that one of us will be home to care for the children. 
Recently I left him this note: "I have a doctor's appointment Thursday 
at 11. The kids are yours." The next morning I found this reply from
my brown-eyed spouse: "I'm so relieved. Their blue eyes had me 
wondering all these years!"  -Borrowed from Reader's Digest


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"An Australian woman stuck her dead husband's ashes in her 
breast implants. Geez, I wonder how many guys at that funeral 
asked to see the body."
   --Jay Leno


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The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"