This is from NJ105.5, a local New Jersey radio station, by a sharp guy named Jim Gearhart. A few things you might not know about the great state of NEW JERSEY... New Jersey is a peninsula. Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida. New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas. New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky. New Jersey has the oldest lighthouse in the USA. The Sandy Hook Lighthouse was built in 1764. New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq. mi.) than Havana, Cuba. New Jersey has the most dense system of highways and railroads in the US. New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the Diner Capital of the World. North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland. New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns, some of the nations' most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch & Cape May. New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for Water Quality Control than any other seaboard state in the entire country. New Jersey is a leading industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals. Two-thirds of the world's eggplants are grown in New Jersey. Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy. New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production. Here's to New Jersey-the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America opened in Hoboken. New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah in! 1940, and he still lives there! New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth. Nearly 80% of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first. New Jersey is home to one of the nation's busiest airports at Newark International. George Washington slept here. Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington. The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ laboratory. We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs. The transistor was invented in Murray Hill, NJ at Bell Laboratories. Bell Lab engineers in Holmdel, NJ were the first to detect the background radiation of the Big Bang. The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NJ. The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ. The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ. New Jersey is home to the Miss America pageant held in Atlantic City. The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on their playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City. Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world. New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries. The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains. New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. New Jersey had the first Medical Center, in Jersey City. The Pulaski Sky Way, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway-highway. NJ built the first auto tunnel under a river, the Hudson. (Holland Tunnel) New Jersey is the only state in the nation which offers child abuse prevention workshops to every public school. The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra. The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889. (Rutgers College played Princeton.) The first Drive-in Movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ. New Jersey is home to both of "New York's " Pro Football Teams! The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ. All New Jersey natives: Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifa, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnely, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Richard Wojewodzki, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T ,Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Robert Blake, John Forsyth, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm. Halsey, Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, and of course, Frank Sinatra HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EuroEnglish The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, her Majesty Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraful, and they would go. By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH This is why "Sports Scholarship" is an oxymoron . . . "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State footballll coach "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wwiing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "You guys line up alphabetically by height" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State footballll coach "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." -Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was iinneligible as a freshman because of academic requirements "I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class" - George Raveling, Washington State baskkeetball coach "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." -Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hoooking up again with promoter Don King "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visiteed the Parthenon during his visit to Greece "The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore." -Yogi Berra "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -Senior basketball player at the Universsiity of Pittsburgh "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -Football commentator and former player Jooe Theismann HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jane had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes. In Jane's freezer you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." No more frustration for Jane because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him!" HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?" HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the judge asked. "Yes, your honor." The judge looked at the petition. "I can, ummm, see why, ummm, Mr. Leon . . . Shitferbrains, is it?" "Yes, your honor, that's correct." "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm, Shitferbrains?" "Jim, your honor." HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH As a traffic safety consultant, I often gave talks on ac- cident prevention. One night after I spoke to a PTA group, the program chairperson thanked me profusely and gave me a check for fifty dollars. "Giving these presentations is a part of my job," I said. "Could I donate the money to one of your causes?" "That would be wonderful!" she gushed. "We have just the program that could use it. We're trying to raise money so we can afford better speakers." HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?" "Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!" HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What Happens When You Pray REALLY Hard NEW HARTFORD, Conn. - Every now and again, people will have their prayers answered. Some people receive blessings they didn't even ask for. When Diane Kurtz couldn't find her car keys, she prayed to the patron saint of lost articles, St. Anthony, to return them to her. Not only did she get the keys back that day, but also a 1 carat diamond wedding ring she had lost 15 years ago. It was found in the muck at the bottom of a wastewater drainage pool by a Hartford sewage treatment worker. The man who found it had to do some in- depth detective work checking state public records to find the right Kurtz family. The family believes the ring ac- cidentally fell down the sink in their bathroom. It might be a good idea for her to also pray to St. Winsalot, the patron saint of the lottery. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "Would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work? All I have in the world is this gun." HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Q: How can you tell if a Redneck is Working in your Office? A: The monitor is up on blocks. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly." - Brad Stine HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint." --Mark Twain HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions