Worth reading some of these.... Last winter some dolt posted an on-line petition suggesting that the name "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" was intentionally offensive to the memory of 9/11... There were about 3600 signatures, of which about 2000 are sarcastic... below is the original petition, and just a smattering of some of the replies: To: Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema Those of us who have seen The Lord of the Rings: The Fellow- ship of the Ring know what an amazing director Peter Jackson is. When I learned that there apparently was to be a sequel, I was overjoyed. However, Peter Jackson has decided to tastelessly name the sequel "The Two Towers". The title is clearly meant to refer to the attacks on the World Trade Center. In this post- September 11 world, it is unforgiveable that this should be allowed to happen. The idea is both offensive and morally repugnant. Hopefully, when Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema see the number of signatures on this petition, the title will be changed to something a little more sensitive. Sincerely, The Undersigned ---------- 818. C. Hart I think it would be best, in light of recent events, if the film was simply not shown at all. And by "recent events" I mean "that God-awful first Lord of the Rings film." 1076. Sigmund Wonder Oh thank you so much for this. Those shameless moneymongers care for nothing but themselves. Could you please start a petition to stop those fascist police from using 911 as their phone number too? That is also something that bothers me. 1102. Paul they have no sensitivity, i wont even let my twin kids stand next to each other out of respect for 9/11 1183. Lionel Hutz I myself am a big Elvis fan, and if they name the third film after the book title "Return of the King" I will start my own petition.... 1172. Joseph Minkock How about changing it to: "Frodo's Hilarious Journey"? 1225. Hamm Hurabi I demand that the number two no longer be used! 1346. burt convy's nipples Yes, this exploitative Tolkien fellow should develop TV programs for Fox. I say change the next movie to *honor* the event: something like "Frodo, the Littlest Fireman." 1434. William Shatner I think Jackson's choice of title is shocking and offensive. Two new buildings were recently constructed in my home town, but we managed to have them demolished and the offenders removed from society. 1422. Ajax Cortina While you're at it, let's ban the number 11. Everytime I see it, I cry. 1405. Pass I believe Twins should be banned from entering Tower Records stores. 1387. Ashton Kushner I think it should be renamed "Dude, where's my Precious?" 1443. olly I'll sign anything. *************************************************************** The Priest had just finished hearing the man's confession and was considering the man's penitence. "Are you sure you're going to try to set aside all sin?" "Yes Father, I certainly am going to try." replied the man. "I here-by resolve to double my efforts." "And you're going to attend Mass regularly my son?" the Priest went on. "Yes Father, I realize I have strayed." said the man. "I shall both worship and confess every week." "And how about your debts and those you have cheated?" inquired the Priest. "Now just a minute Father." said the man. "Now you're talking business and not religion." *************************************************************** On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman replied, with a smile, "Very sporting of your Mother" *************************************************************** On a cruise to Alaska, I saw my very first glacier in the magnificent Inside Passage. Excitedly, I asked the ship's officer what it was called. "It's some dumb glacier," he replied. Disappointed by his attitude, I bought a map to figure it out for myself. I calculated our location and found the name of the ice mass. It was called, just as he had said, "Sumdum Glacier." *************************************************************** It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" She shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" [Stolen from Reader's Digest.] *************************************************************** A "Plumbing" Problem Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book." *************************************************************** "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. "OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee! *************************************************************** Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" *************************************************************** Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. *************************************************************** There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.