"COVER YOUR EARS!"
Warning: Contains some "R" rating langauge.
Star Ocean: The Second Story bitch session time! More importantly, about the voice acting.
What the FUCK kind of voice acting is this?! It sounds like they plucked some pre-pubescent kids from some sort of suburbia! That, or they plucked whoever the fuck RECORDED the voices out of suburbia. Both are horrible.
Now, let's do a little bit of arithmatic.
Talentless Voice Actors + Crappily Translated Quotes + Horrible Recording = The gist of Star Ocean 2's voice acting.
The worst part of it are the quotes, and I think I'll start the actual quote-bitching with Leon:
"Knowledge is power!" - He says this particular one after a battle ends. What the fuck?! This makes me want to think that he isn't Fellpolian, he's just some old, dusty Capcom arcade machine...
"Rome wasn't built in a day!" - He also says this one after end-battle. Expel is a backwater planet. Expel has no knowledge of electricity. Expel has no knowledge of other planets. Expel probably hasn't even developed the CONCEPT of other planets! So how the FUCK would Leon know about Rome, an Earth city?! Is the kid some sort of fucking psychic? This also makes me want to believe that he is an old, dusty Capcom arcade machine. I think an old Capcom arcade machine would remember Rome, yeah?
And you know what? Claude's voice is actually true to character. Claude the character is a naive dumbass, and the voice sounds like a naive dumbass! What a coincidence!
"Crawd has advanced forward...hah." - Little Kenni boy says this when he levels up. What the fuck? Couldn't they decide between Crawd and Claude when this was recorded? I mean, Jesus H. Christ! One way or the other, people!
"Well, that's somewhere around eighty points."
"That was around...fifty points?"
"We have a full score with this!" - Those three are all said after a battle's over. What the hell is Kenni talking about? Does he always say dumbassed shit like this?
"Shucks!" - When an ally dies. What the fuck, Claude, watch your goddamn mouth. There may be children watching that didn't hear the "damn" you just said.
Now Rena. Who else thinks that she sounds 8 instead of 17? And WAY too happy?
"It's hopeless!" - She says this when you run from battle. It isn't the quote that irks me, it's the way she says it. Almost as if she's going to follow up with, "Ooh, the enemies are gonna beat us at Candy Land if we keep this up!"
"Gyoro! Ururun!" - When Ashton dies in battle. What the hell?! Does Rena care more about two dragons that possessed Ashton against his will than she does the boy himself?
The voice actress for Celine should at least ATTEMPTED to sound snooty or pampered! Not even a fake British accent, I swear! I guess voice actors just decide that insignifcant little thing called 'in character' should be thrown out the window...
"Thank God!" - After the battle's over. Okay, someone want to tell me what's wrong with this? Expellians don't have 'God.' They have Tria. And only Tria. So she either says "Thank Tria!" or she just shuts her fucking mouth.
Bowman was...uh...un...Bowmanish...Too harsh a voice, really. Crappy sound recording might have attributed to this.
"Looks like I'll be popular with the ladies again." - Level up. Uh, Bowman, hate to remind you, but...you're married.
"Well, it's useless to be popular with the enemy!" - Begin battle. 'Well, it's useless to attempt dry and stupid humor when the person playing the game really wants to shove your head through a spike already!'
"Go to heaven." - End battle. Um, aren't you supposed to wish people you hate to Hell?
Precis...sounds like she had a bit too much helium, no? She doesn't sound 16 at ALL. Hell, she doesn't even sound human. O_o
"Wow, very red!" - She sounds happy that she's dying. I think I'm happy that she's dying, too.
"Mujin Super Beam!" - Except said more like "Moo-JEEN *several octaves higher* SOOO *back to normal pitch* per Beam!" Good Lord, I had to kill her just to silence her.
Ashton sounded...uh...wussy. I mean, his voice didn't really fit the character at ALL.
"I'm a bit embarrassed!" - Level up. I guess leveling up is quite the traumatic event in Star Ocean 2.
"Jeez, that was close!" - Escape. This goes back to the Celine's "Thank God!" quote. "Jeez" stems from "JESUS!" And you can't have "Jesus" unless you go on the Bible, which I seriously doubt the people of Expel know about. Meaning that this word shouldn't even be in their vocabulary. *tsks*
Opera has an...erm...very...uh...STRONG...voice. In fact, the voice is so strong, it sounds like a cat getting hit by a car. Complete with brakes screeching.
"I will turn you into a beehive!" This is one of those "What the FUCK were they smoking when they translated THAT?!" kinds of quotes. Because, I mean it. What the fuck were they smoking, and can I have a hit of it too?
"Flame Launcher!" Another 'not the quote but how it's said' thing. Opera doesn't like the word flame. Instead, she likes the word 'fleem.' Meaning that she screams this at the top of her lungs: FLEEEEEM LAUNCHER!
Ernest sounds like William Shatner. It's kinda scary...
"Pleasure." - End battle. Uh...there's a lot wrong with this one. Mainly how he says it.
Well, Crawd C. Kenny's voice actor does a MAGNIFICENT job of making Noel sound like a total wussified character. Goddamnit, Noel's not supposed to be a pacifist, he just likes animals! I like animals. Especially helpless ones roasted in a good sauce. Does that make me a pacifist?
"Gee whiz." - Level up. That, my friends, is STRONG language where Noel's concerned.
"Energy Arrow." - When casting Energy Arrow. You know, if something has the word "energy" in it, you've gotta SHOUT it! Make it sound energetic! But, of course not. Noel likes to make things sound depressing and completely devoid of energy. I think this spell should be called "Precis Took All My Coffee So I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass."
"Oh, wicked air!" - Sounds like some sort of loser who uses outdated slang.
"Mind if I borrow that?" - Blood Sucker. Nothing nitpicky about this one, I just think it's hilarious..O_o
Chisato was half decent, though she couldn't make up her mind what she was, really.
"Oh, my, what shall I do?" - Level up. This reinforces my theory that leveling up in Star Ocean 2 is a traumatic event.
"I wonder who the MVP is?" So she's an editor for the Sports column now..?
"Okay, cut, end it there." Or perhaps a movie director?
"And this is how the monsters ceased to exist." But, most likely, a normal reporter. Humph.
Now, for the random voices. Namely, the voices of the Ten Wise Men.
Decus is my personal favorite voice-wise, because it just sounds...insane. O_o
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHH!!" - Death of Decus. Yes, that is how long he holds it, and yes, it is EXTREMELY high pitched. Almost beyond the level of human hearing.
Cyril is...interesting...
"Well, I guess I'll buy a one-way ticket to Hell with your lives!" - Begin battle. Was it me, or did he just condemn himself to Hell?
"What's wrong? Aren't you coming to get me?" - Wind of Destruction. Uh, okay Mr. Pedophile, sir, guy, erm, whatever...
"I wish you'd let me enjoy it some MORE..." - Wind of Destruction. -_- I can't even BEGIN to say what the hell's wrong with THAT voice.
The subpar voice acting in the game drove me *insane*...Every three seconds you'd be bombarded by some poorly recorded quote like "TEAR INTO PIECES!" or "THUNDERBOLT!"...made me want to shoot the damned TV out.