By Hannah
I
can’t move. There are girl’s everywhere I turn. “I love Taylor”, “I love Ike”,
“I love Zac” they all chant. I’ve seen this in their videos; I know about this
but being in the middle of it is incredible. “I can’t breath” one girl screams.
‘Well stop hyperventilating’ I think. “Teenyboppers!” I growl to myself. I have
been a fan from the beginning but I’ve never been a teenybopper!
* ~
*
I
remembered back to when I first met Hanson. I was in England; London to be
exact. I’d only been there a month but it all ready felt like home! The witness
protection people had been a great help. They knew how much I loved England, so
they thought instead of just moving me around Australia, they would take me to
England.
I
adapted well. It only took me a week to have the accent down pat. I moved into
an apartment with another girl my age. Her name was Victoria. She was an artist
and very good I might say. Her art school was only three blocks away, so she
spent a lot of time there. I, on the other hand, was re-named Holly-Ann Peters
and I studied piano and voice at the London Academy of Music, also only three
blocks away but in the opposite direction.
One
particular morning I was having a bad time. The Australian newspapers were
still having a field day with the court case. I wished they would just leave it
alone. I wanted to get on with my life and not have everything keep falling
apart. I decided to go out and clear my mind by roller blading in the park
across from the apartment.
I
wasn’t the best roller blader. I had been trying desperately to get better but
I really needed someone else to teach me. Uneven ground was my worst nightmare.
If it wasn’t flat then it was almost certain that I would fall over.
Not
realising that a particular part of the park sloped downhill, I took off on my
blades. I must have looked a real sight, seeing as I wanted to glide over the
ground but not want to roll over the stones! As I came over the crescent of the
hill, I gasped. It wasn’t a hill, it was more like a mountain! There was no way
I would safely get to the bottom!
I
could feel myself wobbling and rolling faster down the hill. I tried to slow
myself but realised I really didn’t know how! I started screaming and flinging
my arms around hoping to catch onto a tree or something. Then suddenly someone
latched on to me. They hooked their arms around my waist and tried slowing me
down but our blades got caught up together, and we were sent sprawling onto the
grass.
It
was a few moments before I opened my eyes to see what had happened. I sat up
and turned around, only to find myself staring into the most gorgeous pair of
blue eyes I’d ever seen. I wondered if I’d died and gone to heaven?
“Hi,
I’m Taylor,” said the owner of the blue eyes.
“Oh
hi. I’m . . .” I had a mind blank. What was my new name again? “Oh I’m Holly.
Ah umm, I’m sorry about making you fall over.”
“Hey
don’t worry. You were in a bit of trouble, so I helped you out.”
“Thanks
for that,” I said as I tried to stand up.
The
boy took hold of my hand to steady me once again. As I brushed my long red hair
out of my face, I gasped and dropped his hand.
“Oh
my God! I didn’t realise . . . I mean, I didn’t know . . . I mean . . . Okay
hang on,” I stumbled in shock.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I
thought to myself ‘Please don’t let this be a dream.’ I opened my eyes again
and smiled. He was still there. It wasn’t a dream. Taylor Hanson was still
standing in front of me.
“Are
you okay? Holly wasn’t it?,” he asked.
“Yeah
it’s Holly and I’m okay. I’m just a little surprised to see you . . . here I
mean . . . in London.” I blushed.
Taylor
smiled. “Oh no one’s really supposed to know we’re here. We’d rather not put
England into disarray!”
I
laughed. “So am I allowed to know why you’re here?”
“Here
as in London, or here as in saving you from rolling into the lake at the bottom
of the hill?”
I
laughed again. “Both,” I said.
“Okay
well we’re recording a Christmas album, called ‘Snowed In’ and we wanted a
break, so I thought I’d come roller blading in the park. Lucky I did huh?”
“Yeah
lucky,” I said.
* ~
*
I
got to know Taylor and the whole Hanson family quite well during the time they
were in London. The only thing I hated was lying to them. The stupid English
accent that I loved so much when I was in Australia, was now annoying me beyond
belief. The constant questions from the Hanson’s about where I came from and
where my family was really started getting to me.
When
Taylor asked me where I grew up, I told him Stoke-On-Trent.
“Isn’t
that where Robbie Williams is from?,” he asked.
“Yeah.”
I laughed. “He was the life of the town.”
I
hated lying . . .
* ~
*
Gradually
over the coming days I grew closer and closer to Taylor. We’d find ourselves
deep in conversation. We talked about everything from politics (which I hated),
to life to, of course, our favourite topic of all: music!
* ~
*
One
day, during a break from recording, Taylor and I bought some sandwiches and
returned to the park where we first met. We ate and laughed about how silly I
looked on roller blades. Taylor promised me he’d someday teach me how to roller
blade properly.
Maybe
it was fate? Maybe it was destiny? I don’t know. But the next series of events
took us each by surprise, believe it or not!
We
were joking around and Taylor knew how much I hated being tickled, so of course
he just had to do it! I couldn’t stop laughing.
“I
hate you Taylor,” I yelled.
He
stopped tickling and sat up. He was pulling a sad puppy like face and said “You
don’t hate me, do you Holly?”
I
laughed. How on earth could I hate something that cute?
“No
Tay, I don’t really hate you.”
He
flashed me a foolish grin and said “Good.”
I
didn’t see it coming. He jumped at me to tickle me again. I didn’t anticipate
it, so I didn’t move and Taylor landed on my stomach. He started tickling me
again. I tried to wriggle away but in the process, we both hit our heads
together. I groaned.
“Oh
my God! Holly are you okay?” He took my face in his hands.
I
looked up . . . up into those gorgeous blue eyes and I got lost. They were just
incredible. He was incredible!
“Holly,”
he whispered, just inches away from my face.
“Mmm?”
“Are
you okay?,” he asked again still holding my face.
“I’m
not sure,” I whispered. “Are you okay?,”
I asked him.
“I’m
not sure either,” he breathed.
We
lent in to each other and kissed; softly at first but then more passionately.
When we finally pulled away, we both looked every happy!
And
that was the beginning of everything . . .
* ~
*
The
next day Taylor and I told the rest of the Hanson family, their manager
Christopher and their bodyguard Jason the news. Everyone was happy for us but
it was agreed that we’d keep it from the media, for as long as possible.
We
did quite well considering that to this day every fan across the world still
thinks neither brother has ever had a serious girlfriend! Well sorry to burst
your bubble girls but Tay and I were as serious as you can be without actually
being married! Oh don’t get me wrong though. We talked a lot about getting
married! We both desperately wanted to but things kept getting in the way.
After
finishing recording ‘Snowed In’, Hanson toured the UK, Europe and America. I
went with them and worked as a roadie and an odd job’s girl. I would do
anything if it meant that I would be near Taylor.
* ~
*
Two
years after I first met Taylor, things started going wrong. I had graduated the
London Academy of Music and was half living in the London apartment (still with
Victoria) and half living in an apartment in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
One afternoon
while playing soccer with the guys and Jessica, I got a call on my mobile
phone. Straight away I knew it was bad news. It was Harvey Johnson. He was the
police protection officer in charge of my case back in Australia. I hadn’t
spoken to him in over a year, so I knew it has to be serious. Harvey told me
that someone has broken into his office and the only thing they took was my
private file. He believed it was the same people that attempted to murder me! I
was completely shocked to find that once again I was on the top of the police
protection list and Harvey was relocating me!
I
couldn’t believe it! I didn’t want to believe it! For two whole years I’d been
going crazy trying to make a new life for me. And I’d fallen madly in love with
the most gorgeous, talented and intelligent guy in the world. Now Harvey was
telling me I had to give all that up, to move somewhere else and start all over
again!
Three
hours later I was at the airport waiting for my plane back to England. I told
the Hanson’s that my Grandfather had a stroke and that I had to go see him.
Another useless lie to add to my collection.
Saying
goodbye to them was absolutely heartbreaking. I cried so much that I think
Isaac got a little suspicious! He said I’d see them in a few weeks when my
Grandfather got better, but I knew he was thinking something was wrong.
When
I came to saying goodbye to Taylor, I almost couldn’t take it anymore! I just
wanted him to know everything. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that
everything would be okay. Instead I hugged him, kissed him over and over again
and said “Je T’aime”, which is French for I love you. That’s a little thing Tay
and I had going. We loved the French language and often said personal things in
French around other people.
Taylor
hugged and kissed me again and said, in French, “I’ll love you forever.”
* ~
*
When
I got to London, Harvey was there to help me pack up my things. I couldn’t keep
anything that reminded me of being Holly-Ann Peters! I became someone else
again. I was Josephine Alexander, or Joey for short. I lost the English accent
and I moved to Dallas, Texas, although I grew up in Louisiana.
I
thought Harvey was kidding me when we boarded the plane back to America and he
told me I’d be living in Texas! I wondered if he was trying to drive me insane.
It certainly seemed so, as I knew that the state of Texas was directly under
the state of Oklahoma!
For
six months I became curly haired brunette Joey that worked in a coffee shop. I
never stopped thinking about Taylor and how he must have felt. He must have
been hurt and confused when Victoria read him the note I left her. It said:
Vicky,
Sometimes
life doesn’t go according to plan. Here’s a months rent. Thanks for being a
great friend and good luck with your art!
Holly.
P.S
If a guy named Jordan rings, tell him “Je T’aime” for me . . .
Of
course there was nothing in the newspapers or magazines about how Taylor was
feeling because no one knew about us! I cried everytime I heard one of their
songs or saw them on TV. I still loved Taylor deeply. I knew I’d die if he
started dating anyone else.
* ~
*
A
month ago my life changed all over again! Again Harvey called me but this time
he gave me brilliant news! They’d captured and sentenced the people who
attempted to murder me! I was now safe and free to live how and where I wanted.
Suddenly
my life was full steam ahead! I’d heard that Hanson were going to Australia to
promote their new album called ‘This Time Around’. I tried calling their house
in Tulsa and Taylor’s mobile but they must have changed their phone numbers.
I
moved back to Melbourne, Australia where I truly did grow up and I waited for
Hanson to arrive. I kept wondering what Taylor’s reaction would be when I
finally got to see him again? Would he want me back in his life?
I
got my hair colored back to my natural white/blonde and stopped curling it. And
I got used to my natural Aussie accent again.
I
wondered how I would be able to explain to Taylor why I had to leave him? I
decided to record it all onto a cassette. Talking into a dictaphone, I
explained to Taylor everything that had happened in my life. I told him that I
never intended to hurt him and that I still loved him dearly!
I
packaged up the cassette with two photos: one of Taylor and myself in a field
of sunflowers that Zac took of us, and one of how I looked now: the real me,
Jennifer Hartley.
* ~
*
Hanson
had been in Australia for three days and I kept freaking out. I was in Sydney
and I knew which hotel they were staying at but everytime I thought I was ready
to go over there and see if I could meet Taylor, I got this sick feeling in the
bottom of my stomach. What if he never wanted to see me again?
Finally
I thought to myself that t was now or never. I picked up Taylor’s package and
walked down to the hotel the Hanson’s were staying in. As I walked into the
foyer I was met by what I presumed was one of the guys new bodyguards.
“Excuse
me Miss, are you a guest of the hotel?,” he asked.
I
had no idea how I was going to explain my situation to him.
“Ah
no, but my boyfriend is,” I answered him.
“Can
I have his name please?”
I
knew he wouldn’t believe what I was about to say but I said it anyway.
“Taylor
Hanson.”
“Oh
sure - ” he started saying.
“No
please! Just listen okay, it’s true.”
He gave
me a doubtful look but listened in.
“I
met the Hanson’s in ’97 in England when they were recording ‘Snowed In’. Taylor
and I have been together since then but seven months ago I had to go into
police protection, so I left him. I had to. But now everything’s sorted out and
I don’t have to be in protection anymore. And so here I am.”
The
bodyguard’s unhelpful face didn’t do anything to help my state of mind. I felt
like throwing myself at him, hitting him and screaming “I’m telling the truth!”
Instead I just started crying. I couldn’t help it. He had to believe me!
The
bodyguard passed me a tissue and said “I’m sorry Miss but we get a lot of crazy
fans with great stories they’ve made up just so they can meet Hanson. We can’t
just take everyone’s word for it. I’m actually half inclined to believe you,
but I just can’t take the chance.”
My
heart sank. I brushed my tears away and took a deep breath. “Well could you do
me a favour? Could you give this package to Taylor and tell him “Je T’aime” for
me?”
“Sure.
I can do that.” The bodyguard took the package and smiled. “Sorry.”
“Bye,”
I said as I turned and walked out of the hotel.
* ~
*
For
the rest of the day and night I worried that the bodyguard didn’t give Taylor
the package. Then I worried what Taylor would think when he listened to the
tape of me. I started it off with the English accent so he would recognise me.
I told him how I had to leave to live in Dallas and demonstrated my Louisiana
accent. Then I told him who I really was and talked in my natural Australian
accent.
* ~
*
In
the morning . . . this morning . . . I learnt that Hanson were having a mini
concert at the city hall. And that’s where I am now. Standing in the middle of
all these teenyboppers, waiting to see my boyfriend. Well I hope he’ still my
boyfriend!
I’ve
been standing here for over three hours. It’s weird being a part of the whole
fan thing. I’m used to just watching Hanson with their fans, not actually being
a crazy fan!
As I
look around, I see it! My future. He strides towards the crowd with his
brothers by his side. I can see he’s changed; grown taller and matured. My
heart aches for him. The fans push forward to get to Hanson but I can’t move. I
stay screwed to the spot and watch. I’m astonished at how much each brother has
grown, especially Zac! He seems more serious and brooding but I can still see
the mischiefsy twinkle in his eye.
Just
as quickly as they’ve come, they say they have to be going. I start to panic;
what am I going to do? I need to get Taylor’s attention. I called out “Taylor!”
in my Australian accent. It gets lost in the noise of everyone else calling. I
try, unsuccessfully, to try to get closer to the front.
“Taylor
Hanson!,” I call out in my English accent.
I
see his head whip up. I know he thinks it’s me but I can’t get to the front.
There’s too many girls in the way. Taylor shakes his head to himself as if he
thinks he’s dreaming. Hanson say goodbye to the crowd and start walking back
inside the concert hall.
I
desperately shove myself to the front of the crowd and call again in my English
accent “Taylor! Taylor Hanson!” He whip’s around again and I add “Je T’aime.”
I
see his eyes light up and he flashes me his gorgeous smile. As he walks towards
me I say in French “Please forgive me, I love you.”
Taylor
nods. He takes my hand and says in French “I forgive you. Go round to the front
of the hall and Jason will let you inside.”
I
smile and hope the tears won’t fall from my eyes yet.
* ~
*
Jason
hugs me when I get inside the hall. He’s happy to see me again. He takes me to
the guy’s dressing room. I knock and Zac pops his blonde head around the door.
“Holly!
Oh oops I mean Jennifer, I should say right?”
I
smile and give Zac a huge hug. “You can call me whatever you like Zac. I’m just
happy to see you guys again.”
Isaac
walks over to me and smiles. He says “So are you staying with us for good now?
No more running off?”
“I’d
really like to stay but I’m not sure it’s my decision,” I say, glancing at Tay.
Ike
nods. He hugs me and whispers in my ear “I hope you stay.” When he pulls away
he smiles and turns to Zac. “C’mon Zac, let’s see where Dad’s gone.”
They
leave the dressing room and I’m left standing, staring at Taylor. My heart
skips as I realise he’s even better looking than I remember.
“You
owe me some roller blading lessons,” I say.
Taylor
laughs. “I remember.”
He
steps forward and takes my face in his hands. I remember the first time we
kissed in the park. Three tears fall from my eyes. I’m overwhelmed with
emotions. Taylor wipes away my tears and we kiss. Just like the first time;
softly at first but then more passionately.
When
we finish Taylor tells me “I understand now why you had to leave. I never
stopped loving you when you left and I still love you now.”
I
cry more tears and he takes me into his arms. They’re just as strong as I
remember. And it’s now that I know I don’t have to lie anymore. I don’t have to
pretend to be someone I’m not. I can really be who I am. I’ll be safe here, as
long as I’m in Taylor’s arms. I’ll love him forever.
Email Hannah