Broken Angel...Broken Past...
I listened for the quiet breathing of my fellow orphans before I crawled out of bed.  They were all sound asleep.  I was about five or six - an infant to my people - but still old enough to wonder.  To wonder where I came from.  No one had told me anything.  I suspecteed it was out of spite. No one in the orphanage liked me.  All I had wanted to knoww was who my parents were or at least if they were alive.  So many questions I needed answered.  Was I an orphan out of nessesity?  Or was I simply not wanted?  I crept out the door and listened again.  This time for the snoring of Madame Dupre, satisfied with her earthshattering snore, I snuck down the hallway and slipped into the always unlocked -but heavily guarded during the day- Records Room.  As I tugged on a drawer inside,  I gave a sigh of relief.  It wasn't locked either.  My timy fingers flew over the letters as an unquenchable thirst bubbled in my throat.  A's,  F's, there the N's.  Mine was the first in the file,  Nalaya.   I pulled it out and flipped through the sparst papers.  As I came to the application at the back I let out another breath.  All it told me is what I had most feared.  My mother, dead - otherwise unknown.  My father was alive,  but unknown.  So I was unwanted.  I wondered if my mother had wanted me - and if so why my father had not.  Had I looked like her?  Was it too painful?  I labeled him then as the coward he was.  Cold and no longer capable of love.  I was crying as I slipped the file back into the file of first names.  No one but Madame Dupre went by a last name here - though a few had them.  How lucky they were, to know that someone had loved them.  The stinging tears still falling down my cheecks,  I crept back into the room I shared with nine other girls and like every other night, quietly cried myself to sleep.

     The next morning Madame Dupre came into wake us early.  I wondered what it was this time, perhaps another couple taht would not choose me?  My dark secret made me unwanted - an untouchable - A Half-A (hermaphrodite)

"Children,, we have two very important guests today, so you must dress quickly and be on your best behavior. They will be here within the hour'  With that she turned on her heel and went to wake the boys.  The moment the door closed , the other girls sprang into action - little lighting bolts = flying into their sunday best.  I dragged, they would not choose me.  No one ever did.  Within an hour, all the orphens were lined up perfectly as the silk clad couple moved down the line inspecting them as if they were vegtables or soldiers.  Every now and again the woman would point vagely with her hankkerchief to show her possible interest.  Those chosen few stepped back and shared shining grins that they had a chance and venomous glares for the children for which they were competing.  I stoood miserably still, not beliving I had a chance, until the woman who stank of perfume gestured in my direction.  I stepped back, disbeliving.  When the couple reached the end of the line, the unchosen ones left, off to lessons with Mr. Branch.  The Coupld looked us over, there were four of us. 

"Well," the lady said, 'We really did want a girl'  The only boy - Nathan- looked hurt for a moment then ran off ot lessons.  All of the orphans were experts at masking pain.  An orpahn, he was unwanted, I felt a sorrow for him that he had never shown to me. 'Madame Dupre, which girl would you suggest?' My heart sank then, no way would she suggest me. 

"The blond one, her name is Nalaya." My head shot up in surprise until it slowly dawned on me.  This was her way of riding her hands of little Nalaya. 

"Let us see her then, remarked the lady as she walked toward me.  "Open your mouth, I want to see your teeth. : Prompted by Madame Dupre's glare I did as I was bid. 

"Very well, you are not ugly, ad you have good teeth.  I suppose I could salvage you with some effort.'  She turned to Dupre.  "Does hse have any defects?"

Dupre's eyes gleamed, 'No Milady.' that convinced me of her intent, she had always told me taht being a Half -A was the worst defect of all.

"Where are the papers?  We'll take her now.'  And with ink that smelled of what I know recognise as blood, my fate was sealed. 

As I left the orphange with my new 'family' the lady turned to me for the first time since leaving. "Your name is Nalaya Pumara now.  We are mother and father. If you remember your first parents you should forget them now."  But I didn't do as she said,  instead of forgetting them I wrappedmy heart around my few scattered memories.  A golden Shimmer, a chiming laughter, warmth, signs of love and happiness.  Signs I no longer knew and would probably never know again.  My first view of my new home was through bitter tears.  These new parents would like me no better them anyone else if they found out what I was.  I had to keep it secret...somehow.  The house was large and white.  A pure blinding, white which didn't fit them.  A muddy brown would have suited them better. 
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