tuesday, october 16, 2001

My problem is I expect too much. In fact, my expectations are usually so high, they�re impossible. And with such expectations come heartache and disappointment like you�d never believe. So over the past year or so, I�ve learned to lower my expectations. I adapted the nonchalant attitude toward everything and everyone. You do your thing. I�ll do mine. Whatever happens, happens. No big deal.

I tried to explain to a very good friend of mine once why I was so terrible at keeping in touch. Why my efforts at maintaining a friendship was so feeble compared to everyone else in our circle of friends. Why I sometimes come across as if I didn�t care at all.

The problem is I care too much.

If you don�t expect anything from me, I can�t hurt you. And vice versa. It�s safe. It�s a lame and wimpy way to live life, but I needed to feel safe after having been hurt so many times and having hurt and disappointed so many others.

But recently, I found myself wandering off into the unsafe zone and letting my expectations get ahead of myself. And today, I was reminded why I try to prevent that from happening. It hurts like crazy when it doesn't turn out just right.

Funny the things we do to make ourselves feel better. I went to the local Burger King and ordered a large BK Broiler meal and then went to the local grocery store and bought myself a half gallon of Butter Pecan ice cream. 5000+ calories and a tummy ache later, I think I�m gonna be alright.

rewind � � forward

Copyright � 2001 Rachel Young