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Hey there. It�s been a while. My apologies (especially to the W&M gang who like to follow up, stalk, harass, and pick on me). Just thought I�d take a break from my public journal for a little bit. But I�m ready to disclose all of my dirty little secrets again. Yeah, right.
Last weekend I was up in Boston for Jo and Jason�s wedding. It was an absolutely beautiful ceremony. I didn�t expect to be so sentimental, but I was really touched to witness two dear friends of mine become husband and wife. It was an intimate gathering, and I�m glad I was there to partake in the celebration.
The reception was a blast too. The Rice Girls requested my song �Dancing Queen� and dragged me out on the dance floor. And once I got out on the floor, there was no turning back. But a couple animated and lively gentlemen outdid me. They knew every dance move to every boy band song, and it was freakin� hilarious. Of course, it also raised a few eyebrows and caused some concern realizing these guys could only know the routine by having watched it repeatedly over and over and over again. After such a spectacle, I�m almost convinced every guy is a closet boy band freak simply living in denial.
Being in Boston with all of my closest friends from college was a treat. We rarely find the opportunity to get together, but it�s always interesting when we do. I use the term �interesting� because I�ve never met a group of people with such distinct and unique characteristics. Each of us are very strong-willed, outspoken, and odd in our own ways and getting six or seven such individuals together in one room can only lead to one thing�utter chaos! It�s so chaotic that the significant others of those in relationships are afraid to be left alone with all of us together. In fact, they try to avoid it when possible. That�s how rowdy and crazy we get. But I�d like to think I�m the quiet, subdued one in the group. I�m actually the most �normal� one. Scary thought, isn�t it?
I also met up with a few wonderful Bostonians, as I always do when I�m up in bean town. Great company, great food, and great conversation as always. Thanks HOT and FF for being terrific hosts! Linny, sorry I missed you, but you still owe me a re-match in air hockey.
The week has been a long one after returning to DC. I�m presently working for a company which reminds me of the exact reason why I left my previous employers. In the past year, I think I've witnessed enough corporate b.s. to last me a lifetime. And it makes me think that regardless of what business I�m in, I�ll always encounter it. I thought maybe I was just unfortunate to have experienced it with the past two companies I worked for, but I�m realizing in the business world, there�s no way to avoid it. When push comes to shove, it�s anything to make the dollars. Step on whoever you need to. Lie, cheat, and steal if necessary. Respect and integrity? Those terms are not in the rule book (can you tell I'm a little jaded by corporate America?).
My uncle was right. Back in high school when I first told him I was determined to go into business, he said to me, �You�re not cut out for business.�
I took that comment as a great insult and a lack of faith in my abilities. And ultimately, it made me more determined to see to it that I did make it. And I finished business school, got my BBA degree and landed a sweet job heading up the marketing department for a design build firm. I was pretty excited and zealously ambitious in becoming the youngest successful marketing director I knew.
But instead, what I discovered was how much I couldn't stand being around posh, arrogant, greedy businessmen in an environment ruled by dollar signs. I couldn't stand the elaborate schemed facades, the stench of backstabbing and idle gossip, and the numerous accounts of sexual discrimination and harassment I�ve encountered within these corporations. I�m fed up with it.
I guess my uncle knew all along that my personality type would never fit in this environment.
I question what I�ll end up doing when I get to New York and if I�ll ever be content with the typical 9 to 5 office job. I strongly doubt it. Lately, I�ve had a lot of questions roaming around in my head. After the sermon at church this morning, my best friend from college and I had lunch and I told her sometimes I feel like I�m right back at square one�hopelessly confused. And it leaves a certain ache in my heart. I don�t really know how to express it. It�s just something I feel.
Meeting me casually, you would never guess I worried about anything. I�m very lighthearted and laid back in person. It�s usually pretty easy to point me out in a crowd. I�m the tall Asian girl with the big grin and eyes that disappear when I smile. But if you get to know me, you know there's the overwhelmingly analytical and serious side of Rachel. But even when I'm down and serious, I always find something to smile about. Sometimes it surprises my close friends when we're in the midst of a very deep, serious, somber conversation and I�ll say something that elicits a brief moment of laughter. I get it from my father. Even in the midst of some of our greatest and most difficult trials as a family, my father always found something to laugh about. When I think about my dad, I always see this warm, endearing grin on his face. People say when my dad smiles, his whole face lights up. Not only does his mouth smile, but also his eyes and his cheeks. His smiles are contagious. The same has been said about me, and I�m thankful I take after my father in that way.
What would the world be without laughter?
This past weekend, I spent a lot of quality time laughing with my friends and family. I met up with a friend late Friday evening (although technically it was past midnight on Saturday) and discussed some of the exciting future endeavors in store for each of us over dessert at Silver Diner. Best of luck to you, HOT!
Saturday, after quickly taking a shower and getting dressed, I met up with Michelle and Tommy for lunch at Nulbom. We spent the rest of the afternoon putting their wedding invitations together. Gosh, preparing for a wedding sure is a lot of work. Glad I won�t ever have to deal with it myself. My family and friends think I�m kidding when I tell them when I get married, I�m going to elope. But I�m not. If by chance, my future dear husband-to-be should be reading this, I hope you don�t mind getting hitched in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator presiding over the ceremony. If you do, too bad.
Later on that evening, Olive and I went to Borders and spent a couple hours there before catching a movie at the theater. I�m dying to get a couple cds (the new Radiohead and Train), but I'm trying to spend wisely in preparation for my move. This translates into not spending any money on myself. That means no more spending all my money on cds and books. The smart thing to do would be to avoid all bookstores, record stores, and Best Buy for the next few months, but I�d feel totally deprived. I don't even think it's humanly feasible for me.
After basically listening to every cd in the store, Olive and I headed over to the theater and watched The Score with Robert Dinero, Edward Norton, and Marlon Brando. Twelve hours after the movie, Olive was still raving about how good it was. Norton is such a talented actor, and I�m a huge fan of Robert Dinero. I definitely recommend checking it out. Makes you think about who you can and can't trust.
After a late night dessert at Amphoras, Olive and I came back to my place and stayed up talking about our good old college days until 3 in the morning. Then I popped in a couple of Kevin So�s cds, and we fell asleep to his mesmerizing voice. I got her hooked.
Next morning, we made it to church bright and early and we were both convicted by the message. I�m going to miss my church when I leave this area.
That evening, my brother treated Olive and I out to Vietnamese food. We were actually hoping to get bubble tea at Eden Center, but it was closed when we got there. So we opted for spring rolls, pho, and ice coffee instead. Olive can�t get over how tall and grown up my brother�s become over the years. She still remembers when he was a short pudgy little eighth grader. Yeah, it�s amazing how fast time flies by.
It�s Monday at 12:20am and right now my brother and sister are discussing the house they might be getting later this year. They�re raving about it, and they�re also trying to convince me to stay and live with them. My brother's pleading and asking me to stay at least one more year. After such a wonderful weekend with my best friends and my siblings, I stall before finally saying, �No. I can�t. It�s time for me to move on.�
I feel so selfish, it makes my heart heavy.
Sometimes I feel like my heart is torn in many pieces, and I often question whether or not I�m making the right decisions. In a little over two months, I�ll be reaching a quarter of a century, and I can�t help but feel like I�ve never made as many poor decisions as I have at the age of 24. Will I be a wiser 25-year-old? I sure hope so because I can�t afford to be as foolish as I have been. I know a lot of people think I'm extremely hard on myself, but if I'm not, who will be? I like to think of it as an ongoing refining process. I reflect on my mistakes and am constantly learning from them.
Despite all these lingering questions, I know I�ve been blessed. I know I�m fortunate beyond belief, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I know everything will work out. I know all things happen in God�s timing. Thanks to the friend who sent me this link as a wonderful reminder of that truth.
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