I want it all! Everything! And i want it now!
Well, i got to go out to dinner, despite having no job and being poor (thank you M), with 3 cuties from my work, well, hey, make that 4 cuties, but i am not into girls. Chino Latino! Ya gotta try it! Yummmmm!
Birthday countdown, 8 days! woo hooo (okay, its only technically 8 days, April 9th hasn't happened yet cause i am still up.)
Here is the deal, i can not date everyone! i mean, i just hope all you guys are still around the next time i want to date. But for now....sheesh! I'll tell ya this: the magic DOES wear off. Underneath, i am really just a girl. Now...to find the guy who wants THAT is the plan.
Oh boys! Driving me NUTS! I am all for living in the moment, but i do know that there are consequences for certain actions. If i do this, then i am going to feel like this after. Damn my impulsiveness!
I did have a nice experience: i am a pretty straightforward person and i really appreciate the same in return. Today, someone told me that they did like me. No beating around the question, no hinting, no games. It was really nice. I was surprised (not that he likes me-cause i kinda had a feeling, but that he said it), but it was really nice. Then i know what to do, how to act accordingly, etc.
Well, Monday might not be as bad as i predicted. Now i am guessing sometime in the next week it will happen. Oy! Am i setting myself up here or what? I said last time that getting hurt was not really an issue, but i did also say that i don't seek it out. I don't try to create a situation where i know i am going to be hurt. But what to do?? Ke Garne! I have too much on my plate and i am sooo very confused. I know what i want, but does he know what he wants? I'm trying to just go along for the ride and see what happens. Why do i have to be so damn logical sometimes? Heh, and to contradict that: another thing that worries me is how intensely i have been feeling everything lately. I mean, if and when i do get hurt again, assuming its sometime in the near future, i am afraid of what i will say. And when i am mad, look out, i can be really bitter and harsh. Hopefully, my logic will take over and just say, "okay fine!". I guess we will see. How's all that for a little fatalism? Not only am i planning the end before anything has begun, but i am also planning it to be in the near future. And it will not be my own decision either. Okay, i am done talking about this.
Okay, am i a freak, or is there anyone else out there who sometimes says, "ya know, i feel like being depressed"? Maybe its the rain, maybe the guy stuff, maybe everything, but really, i kinda feel like moping and being sad and isolating myself. But then, it is also nice to not be so damn excited about everything all the time. Its exhausting!
Okay, its light out, time to go to bed. No, i am not a vampire.
