My mom rocks! Its so nice when your parents stop being just your parents and also become friends too.
Why do settle for less than everything? I mean, i won't settle at all for something unless its pretty damn good, but why do I even do that? i want everything and i want it on my terms. Does the world NOT revolve around me? I was sure it did! Its funny, in relationships i tend to really try to understand where the other person is coming from, which is all well and good, but in the process its amazing how little i express my side of things. I view myself as this steam roller thing, going Mach 10 with my hair on fire, running over people and things, grabbing what i want as i zoom by. But i am beginning to wonder if i am really like that. It is possible, i suppose, that i am not as selfish as i think i am. I need an ex of mine to tell me, objectively, what i am like in a relationship. But then, i will have to take it with a grain of salt. I had one ex tell me i was high maintenance. Yeah right! I don't ask to be called, to be taken out, to be told that i am loved. I don't get jealous very easily. I enjoy my time with my girlfriends and i expect my lover to the same with his friends. I tend to just cruise along until something really (and i mean really) is bugging me, and theni talk about it. But even in the talking about it, i don't have a cow, or freak out, or cry, or anything like that. I just go about the whole thing very logically. Which may be just thing that keeps me from demanding everything on my terms. That is really more of an emotional thing, and i am not generally an "emotional" person. Lately, it has been slightly different, but only in that when something in particular happens that causes a reaction in me, i respond to it much more strongly. But even then, (thinking of the last time it happened) i handle the whole thing pretty level headedly. Is rationality my foe or my friend? i just don't know. *rubbing her chin*hmmmmmmmmmmmm......................
Trust. I have always trusted easily. No one can really hurt me, not permanenetly, not wound my soul. I can be hurt in the moment, and it may last for a while, but one thing i KNOW is that there is always some growth to happen because of it. I have lost a small amount of trust with someone, and it is the first time i have experienced losing trust and not ending everything then and there. No, i don't mean that i think, "oh, this person is going to cheat, or lie, or steal". Its not that at all. Its like, well give it a second shot, and if it lasts longer this time then its all good. If it happens again, right away, then thats it. Over, done with. Maybe i am beign paranoid. I just can't stop thinking that the latter is going to happen. Maybe today. Well, it will really suck if it does. Thats all.
Someone else asked me tonight what i was looking for in a guy. Heh, now there is a question i can answer, at length! But the one that gets me each time i am asked this line of questions is whether i am looking to get married. I always just want to fall on the floor, half laughing, half crying. God no! Is it my age group? Do most 26 year old girls already feel the desire to settle down? I sure as hell don't, and i can't even imagine it ever happening. Its all just strange to me. But then why people who only eat California Rolls say that they like sushi is also beyond me. I never thought i was dense. Geez, maybe i am. Nawwwwwww!
What i am , is tired and hungry. I am going to bed! Happy daylight to everyone.
I had a really good time yesterday!
