i have a million illegitimate reasons for every word I say
i have a few stashed in every pocket
care for a taste?
laced with that peppermint altoid taste
horrid twisting faces
they asked for it
i am out on a line
arms outstretched for balance
limbs shaking in fear
i look to my friend pleadingly
a slow smile crosses her face
and she lets go
what am i more afraid of?
death?
or not living?
it terrifies me to think someday
i'll be a homeless, pot smoking 40 year old bum
with a bottle of whiskey in one hand
and a half-smoked joint in the other
living off the taxpayers welfare
and a nameless derelicts shelters kindness
or staring down the barrel of a gun
and placed under a mortuary file as "jane doe"
my name left unuttered by even my loved ones
or with my toes on a ledge thirty stories up
my hair streaming out behind me
as i breathe my last breath
as i await that fateful gust of wind
to push
to plummet me to my doom and damnation
pressure
the four walls
they're closing in
my head hurts
my hands hurt
my ears are ringing
hateful words spill
my cup is overfull
mom is yelling
dad is drunk
i feel like i'm drowning
i can't breathe
where is the air?
pressure
this poem was published in my school's newsletter in 8th grade (1998)
I lay alone in the glen
So lost alone in thought
Thinking of the things I've done
And other things I've not
Stars are twinkling in the clouds
Like ten thousand eyes
As I lay here all alone
Midst summer grass and skies
You know, I bet you can almost
Hear the pixies play
Their tunes on harps and golden lutes
And carry the world away
The sky is brightening, oh so slow
'Tis the come of dawn
My I wish not to go
But I must be carrying on
The trees now wave farewell to me
The grasses wave goodbye
And then the diamond-like stars are gone
In the twinkling of an eye
i know the meaning of life
i keep it in one of those plastic balls
from the machines in the fronts
of supermarkets
i've never actually seen it
even though it's in my possession
i'm terrified of it, to tell the truth
it could be a monster
or maybe a rose
a thorny rose
it could be a great black cloud
that gobbles us
our pain
our fear
our lust
our lives
for breakfast every morning
(hey, mikey! he likes it!)
it could be Nothing
which would be far worse
we could mean nothing
we could be nothing
and all this energy
would be wasted
i feel i'm justified in my terror
don't you think?
her face is a black hole
i can't see her thoughts
i always knew there was something wrong
it was a fog- a black fog
like that awful foreboding
on the day your plane crashes
her eyes are two smoking craters
punctured and bleeding
from a downed 747s
you don't know me
you'll never know me
but i find comfort on your conversation
i'll never hear yourvoice
but i know all about you
so let me hide behind my 12 point arial font
and fall in love
with someone i'll never see
with someone i'll never know
with someone i'll never hear
with someone who doesn't exist