Will
Rogers (1879-1935)
"A
difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries."
"A fool and his money are soon elected."
"A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods
while the policeman searches you."
"About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens
with a prayer and closes with an investigation."
"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't
have for something they don't need."
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that
was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for
my ignorance."
"America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting
somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there."
"An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's."
"Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches."
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
"You can't hardly find a law school in the country that don't, through some inherent weakness, turn
out a senator or congressman from time to time... if their rating is real low, even a president."
"There are three kinds of men: the one that learns by reading, the few that learn by observation,
and the rest of 'em that have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."
"You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new
way."
"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
"What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't but one thing wrong with every one of us--and
that's "selfishness."
"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate
and a House?"
"There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works."
"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
"Campaigns have ruined more men than they ever made."
"The less a voter knows about you, the longer he is liable to vote for you."
"Every man is ignorant -- just on different subjects...."
"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
"You see, medical science has developed two ways of actually determining insanity. One is if the patient cuts out paper dolls, and the other is if the patient says: I will tell you what this economic business really means."
"A Lobbyist is a person that is supposed to help a Politician to make up his mind, not only help him but pay him."
"Lord, the money we do spend on government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago."
"These politicians, when they can't make politics pay, can always fall back on -- the honorable practice of law."
"One of the evils of democracy is, you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not."
"The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."
"That's what a Congressman or Senator is for -- to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury."
"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father'."
"When money is going down in value, you want to have it in something besides a bank."
"Ammunition beats persuasion when you are looking for freedom."
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"You know how Congress is. They'll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them. Politics ain't nothing but reciprocity."
"There is good news from Washington today. The Congress is deadlocked and can't act."
"I might have gone to West Point,
but
I was too proud to speak to a congressman."
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you
can find a rock."