| Survivor Fanatics Love List version 5.5 Are you ready for some Football! Pssst! {�Shake him, Ra. And don�t knock over the Jack.�} Wake up Waylon, you�re on in 3, 2, 1 ... Are you ready for some football? Are you ready for a challenge? Are you ready for some clashing, bashing, no-choke holds barred fun? We�ve got sandy squid saute, and coconut bashing teams It�s Chewy Gum veterans and Soup Jive leans All my Survivor friends are here on Thursday night. Good evening, I'm Coach Ra, coach of this inept football team. It's going to be tough for us to win a game this season against the talented competition in this broadcast and cable league. But if we play well, don't make any GUFU mistakes, and execute our strategy, then on any given Thursday we could beat the champion Friends team. They have sex on their side, a good passing game. That's their advantage. But we have suspense and an underpaid cast of actor wannabes. Uh, yeah, that's our advantage. Since we only have eleven people, everyone will have to play both sides of the ball. We'll have to protect our weaknesses, extend and use our strengths for peak performance. If we concentrate, take it slow, and make the other side respond to us, then we can have a winning finish. So let's GO TEAM SURVIVOR! So much for the pep talk. And now for the starting lineups. 1. Jake. Left Guard, Strong Safety. A very solid field general, calls the defensive signals, and all the blocking assignments. A solid veteran, could make all-pro this season. 2. Helen. Quarterback, Right Defensive End. She can bark out the signals, a strong arm, as well as strong leadership in the huddle and decision-making capabilities in the pocket. On D, she plays angry, er, Army, er, Navy, and can blow right past the opponent's flank for the sack. 3. Brian. Wide Receiver, Left Defensive End. Just hope he doesn't bite his tongue off when he's catching the pass. A savvy player. 4. Clay. Halfback, Cornerback. Small, wirey, and deceptively fast. Should be able to turn the corner on the run. Unfortunately, people can go over his head with their offensive strategy. 5. Robb. Left Tackle, Right Outside Linebacker. Speaking of being over one's head. On offense, Robb dreams of the game-winning trick play named "Arizona," a tackle-eligible pass completion for a touchdown, where he can do his "Dude Dance" celebration. Unfortunately, he's hobbled now with a heel injury. 6. Shii-Ann. Right Tackle, Free Safety. She's got guts. We're hiding her at RT, but on D, our game plan has her roaming around chicken-picking, making tackles all over. 7. Ted. Left Tackle, Right Defensive Tackle. Well, he's big, and has some actual football experience. Used to be heavier, now he's thinning down and slowing down in the latter stages of his grinding career. Should be able to keep our quarterback from being blindsided. 8. Ken. Tight End, Middle Linebacker. Our most athletically talented individual, willing to sacrifice the body to make the hit. If he could skate, he'd make a great hockey player. Makes good reads on defense, doesn't commit too early, and then closes well to come up with the perp, er, tackle. Maybe all-pro next year, this season, he's dreaming of his Playgirl centerfold shot. 9. Erin. Right Guard, Left Outside Linebacker. Well, we've got to put her somewhere. She'll be a double handful to get past for the opponent's interior linemen. She's got some hidden strength, and likes to play. 10. Penny. Split End, Cornerback. She seems leggy enough to keep up, to stretch the defense. She'll catch her share of passes, from both sides of the line. 11. Jan. Center, Left Defensive Tackle. Oh, my. Let's hope she can at least find the spot between her legs to get the ball moving. As for defense, we should've had her sleep in the boat. She thinks she's got a big contract, but since she can't read to well and isn't all that sharp, she doesn't notice that she gets paid in monopoly money. Special Teams: 1. Kicker - Jake. Calm under pressure, accurate, a sure, straight arrow kind of guy. Respected elder in the locker room. 2. Punter - Helen. She'll kick balls! 3. FG Holder - Erin. She has good, firm, sure, hands. 4. KR - Penny. Just because I'd like to watch her make those deft twisting moves on the runs downfield. |
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