| Survivor Fanatics Love List, version 5.7 In honor, of Tuesday, with all the spinning, bashing, and outright fraud, I thought I'd present this: It's election day in our little hamlet of Survivor, and after the Reverand Moon's mass wedding, 100% perfectly matched up, partisan politics were set aside, and all pitched in to work for the betterment of the citizens of our fair city, county, state, the island nation! Nay, the world! 1. Jake. for Governor. He has a such a quiet style, and a quick save. In fact, so quiet, somebody check his pulse. I think his only words last Thursday were "let the chicken-neck breaking begin." Or maybe it was "A chicken in every pot!" 2. Helen. A senior sitting Senator, bringing back military stuff for the harbor patrol. She's covering the bases. It's about strokes, and swallowing, and and sucking up, and spitting, ... breath! 3. Brian. for Mayor. Since King isn't on the ballot this year. He still gets a big over the shoulder ribbon and a sceptre. 4. Erin. Somehow has parlayed the puff pastry ladies club into a State Senator position, whose district was specially designed for her. 5. Penny. Congresswoman BusyBody, she's been incumbant for 6 years now. Where's the bill? Here's the bill? You go there! I'll write the amendment. Go team go! 6. Ken. Police Commissioner, an appointed position, since he's too chicken hiding behind his big gun to win anything on his own. 7. Ted. County Executive. Sleeps with the Commissioners. 8. Clay. Senator Foghorn Leghorn. Twenty-four years a senator now, he occassionally wakes up in session and orates something downhomey for the local news broadcasts. "I say, I say, boy, you're a Chickenhawk! A Chickenhawk! Chickenhawks go after dogs who don't gather enough pig bones for the trough, boy. Let's have some pulled pork for dinner, alright there, boy?" 9. Jan. Oh, Mrs. Carnahan, we hardly knew you. Keep on pretending to be a Senator. Have you spent the $1,000 yet? Jeff Probst. Thinks he's Kofi Annan. Get's to wave his hands alot at least, and talk about "writing correctly on the U.N.'s ballots." So much form over function. Mark Burnett. Thinks he's Supreme Ruler for Life, holding 16 weapons of mass media destruction in his clutches. Magilla. Up for the Rally Monkey seat. There's talk about his rock music background and a history of misdemeanor cimes. Remember, everyone, vote early, vote often. And bring your dead aunt. |
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