| Rules of Moutain Golf Where downhill holes are easy birdies, but the uphill ones are fooking boogers that get fooking wiped on your sleeves over your tears! And they make you want to say "Oh, Dragon!" and throw your clubs into fooking Loch Ness! Today's Topic: Natural Hazards If a magnificant vista distracts you from keeping your eye on the ball, there is no penalty. Stroke again. If your ball goes into an unhittable ravine, you must keep wacking away, counting strokes, until you've cut away enough dirt and rock. Use the gouger club. Unobtrusive use of your water canteen is allowed to "naturally" flow the ball to a different position. If your ball lodges in a pine tree, you may shake the tree, but if Peter Gabriel isn't your caddie, either get a bear assistant to climb the tree, or take a 1 stroke penalty and then drop the ball no closer to the hole. Watch out for cubby holes. If a cougar takes your ball, it's a natural hazard condition, you'red allow a free drop. Play through with no penalty. If a coyote takes your ball, you've got to get it back yourself, or it's a 1 stroke penalty and a drop. If you can tame the coyote to drop the ball in the hole, well done. But the coyote may not be used on the next hole. No leashes allowed. Hot Air Hair Blowers are not permitted during regular conditions, but are acceptable during avalanche conditions. If an eagle takes your ball, thank God for your country, and drop and play on with no penalty. If a squirrel takes your ball, that must be one freaking big squirrel, but you have three options: (1) determine whether you can trade for a peanut, with no penalty; (2) you are allowed to swing away, but each stroke counts; (3) take a 1 stroke penalty and drop. If a badger takes your ball, play on after a drop, no penalty. The RA Golfing Association recognizes that fingers are necessary to play the game. If a condor takes your ball, you probably won't make the cut. One stroke penalty, but don't let yourself get staked to an anthill enticing it back for no penalty and a drop, unless they're really loose knots. If a bunny should take your ball, follow the fuzzy bouncing ball. Declare one game over, and another begun. |
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