| Liberals' Wing-Flapping Death Spasms This just in! Headlines! News bulletins! * Regional bully to be slapped down and made to cry "Uncle Sam." -- U.S. Armed Forces Radio * Russian President Vlademir Putin say's he's against gassing one's own citizens. -- Irony Press * Liberals demonize ___________ [fill in the blank] -- This Isn't Really News.com * There's a reason NY makes NJ pay to cross over or under the Hudson into their territory. -- Daily News * Minnesotans throw the final blow -- A TKO in the main event! Walter (Prop Him Up) Mondale actually loses in the only state he won back in the presidential election of 1984. Declared "Total Loser Champion of the United States" -- Don King Associated Press * Georgia on my mind. How do ya like dem peaches?! Aside from a new Senator and the first Rep Governor since Reconstruction, and knocking off the State Senate Dem majority leader and the State House Dem Speaker ... 3 state senators switch to give Rep majority in state senate; Del Miller studying options. -- Roll Over Beethovan News * Yet another dead Kennedy found in Maryland. Thank God. -- The Whining Drivel * Political Capital Presidential Index shows marked gains. Stocks up! -- Dow Jones * "The era of big government is over" -- Bill (Kiss of Death) Clinton, smirking - or is that a leer? * Janet Reno: "if McBride was as much of a man as I am, he would've beaten Jeb Bush into a shrub!" -- Dade County Reporter. Sidebar interview with Alzheimer's resident: "They said go to the polls. I've been hugging this telephone pole all week, but they're still not counting my vote." * Woman found guilty of abortion to be given death penalty -- Reuters * Despite thousands of hours of invective, personal attacks, false registration, fraud, illegal campaigning, outright vote-buying (well, except in SD, wink wink), Dems still lose! -- Le Monde * In a close battle between 1) a moral affront to the adultery lobby, and 2) illegal immigration employment w/o taxes proponents, Arkansas' Rep. Senator loses to a Flout-the-laws state attorney general. -- Arkansas We-Just-Get-Wierder-and-are-trying-to-make-up-for-Clinton Gazette * Gray-out Davis says "Thank the non-Lord that Bill Simon didn't go arty on me and bring in Paul Simon to sing at a fund-raiser. It was that close." -- Berkeley Confessions Weekly * Saddam Hussein -- "So, Yassar, who's your Swiss banker?" -- Source who wishes to remain alive. * * * * * * * * These are true quotes, I'm not making it up * * * * * * * * Bill Clinton: This is still the greatest country in the world, if we just will steel our wills and lose our minds. Bill Clinton: They've managed to keep their unemployment low, although overall unemployment is high. Al Gore: I invented the internet. Also, I was the inspiration for Love Story. (well, this is a slight paraphrasing) US Senator Barbara Boxer: Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God I'm still alive." But of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again. Former Attorney General Janet Reno: I always wait until a jury has spoken before I anticpate what they will do. Al Gore: A zebra cannot change its spots. (actually done in a speech on the floor of the Senate) British Prime Minister Tony Blair: The people going into action are in far more danger than me. Hillary Clinton: I'm having a great time being presi-----. Bill Clinton: I'd like for you to have more, rather than less, sooner, rather than later. Al Gore: I always had a very vivid and clear sense that men and women were entirely and completely equal -- if not more so. |