Band bio, plus

a bunch of

weird stuff

about the

band

ABOUT RANDOM HERO LEDGEND HAS IT THAT THE IDEA FOR STARTING A BAND AMONG A CERTAIN YOUNG GROUP OF HOODLUMS ORIGINALLY BELONGED TO DAN MULLINS. THIS GENTLEMAN PLANTED THE PUNK ROCK SEEDS IN MANY A YOUTH IN RHINELANDER, AND SO HE DECIDED TO TRY AND ASSEMBLE A BAND, DESPITE THE FACT THAT NOBODY AT THE TIME KNEW HOW TO PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS. HIS ATTEMPT FAILED MISERABLY, BUT HIS EFFORTS WOULD NOT BE FORGOTTEN. YEARS LATER, A REMARKABLE TWIST OF FATE BROUGHT TOGETHER TWO KIDS WITH NO PREVIOUS AQUAINTANCE, BUT SIMILAR INTERESTS. JESSE SHEFCHICK, A CLOSE FRIEND OF DAN'S, WAS IN THE SAME SHOP CLASS AS A YOUNG MAN BY THE NAME OF BOB WEIGANDT. BOTH KIDS WERE HARD AT WORK, WHEN JESSE STARTED SINGING SOME SONG BY LESS THAN JAKE. TO HIS SUPRISE, BOB RECOGNISED THE TUNE. AS IT TURNED OUT, BOB WAS A FAN OF THE FAST MUSIC, AND, AS JESSE SOON LEARNED, A GUITAR PLAYER. BOB DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME, BUT JESSE AND ANOTHER FRIEND OF DAN'S, TOM PRIEBE, HAD BEEN THINKING OF GETTING A BAND TOGETHER. TOM HAD ALREADY PREPARED TO PURCHASE A BASS GUITAR, AND THE BAND SOON FOUND A DRUMMER IN A TUBBY BITCH NAMED JOSH BIES. FROM THE FIRST PRACTICE IN JESSE'S LIVING ROOM WHERE JOSH BANGED ON POTS AND PANS (HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS DRUMS YET) TO THE FIRST PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, RANDOM HERO PRACTICED TIRELESSLY, WEEKEND AFTER WEEKEND, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT. EVERYBODY WAS NEW TO THEIR INSTRUMENTS EXCEPT FOR BOB, SO TIMES WERE HARD FOR QUITE A WHILE. THE BAND STUCK IT OUT THOUGH, AND THEY WERE SOON WRITING SONGS AND MAKING PROGRESS. HOWEVER, TOM WAS SOON A THING OF THE PAST. YOU MIGHT BE FAMILIAR WITH THE STORY OF HOW TOM'S PARENTS FOUND A PICTURE OF HIM FLIPPING OFF THE CAMERA WITH A LARGE CROSS-BUSTER PAINTED ON THE WALL IN THE BACKGROUND. TOM BLAMED THE CROSSBUSTER ON JOSH, AND HIS PARENTS PROHIBITED TOM FROM SEEING JOSH FROM THAT POINT ON. SO RANDOM HERO WAS WITHOUT A BASSIST. THAT IS UNTIL RANDOM HERO LEARNED ABOUT A YOUNG LAD NAMED CHET OZZELLO WHO, ACORDING TO RUMOR, WAS A HIGHLY SKILLED BASSIST. RANDOM HERO EXTENDED AN INVITATION TO COME TO A PRACTICE, AND HE ACCEPTED. THE PRACTICE WENT WELL, AND CHET WAS IN. THEN, ONE SAD AND FATEFUL DAY, JOSH DEPARTED FOR WHAT HE THOUGHT WOULD BE A SHORT VISIT WITH RELATIVES IN NORTH CAROLINA. AGAINST HIS WILL, HE LEFT, THINKING HE WOULD BE COMING BACK BEFORE THE SUMMER WAS OVER. THE MONTH SLOWLY PASSED, AND HOPES WERE HIGH AS WHAT WE THOUGHT WOULD BE THE END OF JOSH'S STAY DREW NEARER. BUT ALAS, THE RETURN DATE WAS PUSHED TO THE END OF THE FIRST SEMESTER. THE BAND WAS CRUSHED, NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE A DRUMMER. RELUCTANTLY, JOSH ASKED THE CREW TO FIND A NEW DRUMMER. THERE WERE SEVERAL CANDIDATES, AND QUITE A FEW JAM SESSIONS, BUT NOBODY COULD SEEM TO FILL THE VOID LEFT BY THE TUBBY BITCH. SUCH SKILLED DRUMMERS AS JORDAN RATHS AND KEVIN JACKSON GRACED THE KING ST. PRACTICE ROOM, BUT JOSH'S UPBEAT PERSONALITY WAS SORELY MISSED. RANDOM HERO WAS LOSING HOPE, AND SOON THEY WERE FORGOTTEN. AFTER MONTHS OF PERSUING THEIR OWN MUSICAL INSPIRATIONS, THE MEMBERS OF RANDOM HERO WERE INFORMED THAT THEIR BELOVED DRUMMER WOULD BE RETURNING AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. IN ADDITION, HE WOULD BE BRINGING A BRAND NEW DRUMSET. THRILLED WITH THE NEWS, THE GUYS ANXIOUSLY AWAITED HIS ARIVAL TO BEGIN WORK ON THE NEXT CD AND TO START PLAYING SOME SHOWS. ON JUNE 12TH OF 2003, JOSH MADE HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN, AND THE BAND WAS BACK INTACT.

Weird stuff

» Josh used to have a girlfriend he banged all the time. Then she dumped him and gave two guys hand jobs on a bus. He hasn't gotten any pussy since.

» Bob puked after having his first dip of chew. He still gets sick if he chews.

» Jesse still owes Bob for that pizza he bought him.

» Jesse could play guitar but he's too fucking lazy to learn.

» Bob quit at McDonald's!

» Jesse has enough hair on his balls and ass to choke a horse.

» Bob fucked that chick down there...

» Actually, he didn't. Bob couldn't get laid if you paid him a million dollars. Which probably explains why he spends most of his free time masturbating to free internet porn.

» Josh got fired from McDonald's and hasn't gotten another job since.

» The most people we've ever played for is up to like 30 or 40 kids who saw us at the yearbook signing party at RHS.

» Everyone thinks Bob's mom is a feminist BITCH who never gives his dad any pussy because she didn't take his last name.

» Jesse's dad gets pussy from an assortment of women all the time.

» Josh's dad calls Josh fat all the time. The members of Random Hero are going to kick his ass some day.

» Speaking of ass-kicking, people think Bob's dad uses the phrase, "that kicks righteous ass", but he really doesn't.

» Bob's infamous old car finally bit the dust. The trusty, rusty, red '91 Honda Civic, roofracks and all, are headed to the junkyard.

» Bob works at the library (nerd).

» Bob's little brother got expelled from the high school.

» "Klepto" Chet can't steal things anymore because he's 17.

» Random Hero and friends video tape almost everything they do. They have something like 9 tapes full of stuff they've done over the past few years. Some highlights include:

- Two girls making out

- Josh naked

- Josh taking 4-minute-long pisses (I'm not exagerating)

- Josh diving in a puddle of shit

- Jesse spitting in Bob's eye

- LOTS of sledding action

- Extreme scooting and pogo-ing

- Josh and Tom getting lost in the woods at night

- Various kids caught jacking off

- Josh getting his fro-hawk

- Random Hero's first practice (when Josh had his drums)

- Funny-ass prank calls

- A girl's tits (she'll remain nameless)

- 4/20 festivities

- Josh preaching Satanism in front of a church on Sunday morning while wearing a devil mask, then getting forced to attend the service by two old ladies

- Much, much more

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