When Kohanan drifted back into conciousness, he immediatly wished he were dead. His head felt as though it were being used as a message drum and every sound boomed louder than one. Disfigured faces floated in and out of his blurred vision for the first hour after he awoke.
His mother's face was the first he could identify and he smiled when he saw her. She looked worried and outraged at the same time. "How dare you collapse and scare us all like that! I'll be that Yijaan poison in that wine you drank! Oh, If I could get my hands on that coward...!"
Kohanan patted his mother's hand gently. "Leave some of him for me, would you?" he croaked, suprised at how gravelly his voice was from unuse. "He must be in here somewhere," he tried to look around but quickly discovered that moving his head was a big mistake.
"He ran away the night of the raid a sevenday ago," Kolanna spat angrily. "Or else there wouldn't be anything left of him for you. What did you taste in that wine? We may be able to accuse him of plotting against his hold in two ways."
"It... it was just fellis, mother," he admitted slowly. "And I knew what I was doing at the time. I'm stepping down from Lord Holder. I don't deserve it and frankly I can't handle it, as everyone saw a sevenday ago."
"One guard taking a bribe doesn't mean you're a bad Holder," Kolanna told him sternly. "You're just new, that's all. And I can't think of anyone else who deserves the position more than you do."
"I don't want your pity," Kohanan snarled, sounding meaner than he had meant to. "I let the entire hold down, I was sleeping while it was being raided, for Faranth's sake! What kind of Holder does that?"
"One who is exhausted and not used to the stress," Kolanna snarled back. "You did not let anyone down, you dimglow. When you're well, I am going to take you across my knee and flay that hind end of yours for being so stupid."
"I can't stay Lord Holder," Kohanan insisted. "I won't. The other Holders know I'm weak, the raids will come more and more often and be more damaging each time. Pretty soon, some Lord will take it over. And why? All because I was too proud to step down when I should have. Sorry mother, I don't need that hanging over me for the rest of my life."
"All you need is some time away from the Hold," Kolanna told him. "I have arranged for you to visit your sister at Ryslen, don't even try to argue. The Hold will not fall down without you here to hold it up for a few days. It'll give you time to relax. If you're lucky, you might even catch a Hatching."
Kohanan did try to argue, but he found himself on the back of a green transport dragon two days later anyway. The green's rider flirted with him from the moment he got on, a refreshing breath for his ego though he told himself it shouldn't have been. The moment the green launched herself from Crater Hold's courtyard, Kohanan felt a huge weight fall from his shoulders. He felt guilty as the green winked between and reappeared over Ryslen, but the weight of running the Hold was less just the same. He still worried about it slightly as they landed in the weyrbowl, but it was no longer the first thing on his mind.
Jeyann, the new Weyrwoman of Ryslen, gave him a gracious enough greeting, though she seemed a bit edgy about his arrival for some reason. He didn't dwell on it for too long though, having caught the eye of an attractive greenrider heading towards the weyrlake.
"Mmm, I see you snagged a bigger fish for tonight, Saicha?" another greenrider cooed as he flirted away at the weyrlake. Saicha blushed but didn't even scold the other woman, only issued Kohanan an open invitation with her eyes.
"Only if he'll take the bait," Saicha replied with a smile, more too Kohanan than the greenrider.
Kohanan smiled. "I wish I could, but I'm afraid this fish is not in the mood to be caught tonight. I'm here for the sevenday though, if you'd like to bump into eachother again tommorow, say after the evening meal right here?"
Saicha smiled and kissed his cheek lightly. "See you tommorow."
Kohanan waded out of the lake and started back to his guest quarters in the caverns. The easy, playful feeling he'd had while he was with Saicha and her friends vanished instantly and the familiar ache of guilt set in. It wasn't even just guilt for the raid, it was guilt for abandoning his hold afterwards.
Somehow, Kohanan missed the turn to his quarters and ended up looking into a darkened dead end. Faint scufflings came from within the darkness and he swore he was being watched. And, in some wierd way, judged.
Oh ick, another normal one, a voice drawled from within the darkness. Where are all the furry ones?
You're the only one who wants a furry one, a second voice retorted. Some of us care about important things.
What's more important than if they're furry or not? the first voice demanded.
Please Syl, don't even get Brenth started, a third voice begged. Personally, I don't much care about my rider's work ethic as long as they can take a joke.
"I wish people had that same attitude," Kohanan sighed, feeling strangely at home with these voices, even though he had no idea who they belonged to.
Don't listen to Keri! Brenth told him. You of all people ought to know what it's like to let someone down! I can't stand it. My rider will be able to depend on me, and I expect no less of them.
Kohanan heard a lot of himself in the second voice's words, someone who might actually understand the problems a Lord Holder faced, especially one who didn't deserve it.
You did what I would have done had I let an entire hold down, Brenth mused. And you don't come to people looking for pity. Not like that coward Vinasyrth chose. He ran away from his duties!
"I was forced away," Kohanan replied glumly.
But at least you feel guilty about it and don't try to shrug off the guilt, the dragon, as Kohanan had guessed the voices were by now, scoffed. People shouldn't look for pity when they run away from duty.
Kohanan was beginning to like this dragon more and more. Brenth wasn't the place to go for pity, but Kohanan never asked for pity from anyone. Nothing but, frank, refreshing truth. "Doesn't you rider mind you talking to me like this?"
We have no riders, Brenth replied stonily. You're the first human I've met who might be up to being mine.
Kohanan smiled. "There's no higher praise than that."
"Who's down here?" Kohanan flinched as Jeyann's voiced cut into the silence of the abandoned dragons' room.
"Lord Kohanan," he replied as she walked into view, lit by glows. "I lost my way and I was just talking to Brenth here... I guess I should start trying to find my way back."
Jeyann smiled. "Everyone seems to stumble by this room now and again. It's not every Weyr that has an entire abandoned clutch."
Kohanan nodded and started down the hall, feeling a slight sense of lonliness at the loss of Brenth's company.
back . next