"The United States is at peace with all the world, and sustains friendly relations with the rest of mankind." -Benjamin Harrison "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -Danny Ozark "We must restore to Chicago all the good things it never had." -Richard Daley "I am philosophically opposed to any fare increase. That does not mean I would not support one." -Joseph Alexander "None but himself can be his parallel." -Leo Theobald "We have to go back centuries for a parallel to such treatment, and even then we don't find it." -Unknown "Ladies and gentlemen, if this coercion measure is passed no man in Ireland will be able to speak upon politics unless he is born deaf and dumb." -Lord Charles Russel "It could permanently hurt a batter for a long time." -Pete Rose "LIttle children who could neither walk nor talk were running about in the streets cursing their Maker." -Sir Boyle Roche "Minnesota voters played a major role in the victory of that state's gubernatorial primary elections yesterday." -National Rifle Association "This extraordinary man left no children behind him, except his brother, who was killed at the same time." -Unknown "Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating." -Ron Fairly "Brooks Robinson is not a fast man, but his arms and legs move very quickly." -Curt Gowdy "Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. Don't they deserve some representation on the court?" -Roman Hruska "It won't be long before customers should be able to complete most of their banking transactions without any personal contact. This will enable banks to offer more personal contact." -Credit and Financial Management Magazine "Today is Father's Day, so everyone out there: Happy birthday!" -Ralph Kiner "I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." -George Bush "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" -Leon Wood "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for me." -Congressman "Some quiet guys are inwardly outgoing." -Ralph Kiner "Hazards are one of the main causes of accidents." -Safety With Beef Cattle "Mr. Speaker, this bill is phony with a capital F." -Congressman "Since the government has let the cat out of the bag there is nothing left to do but take the bull by the horns." -Jeremiah MacVeagh "Nothing could be more personal than a tape." -Julie Nixon Eisenhower "The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins concert tickets to caller number 95." -LA radio DJ "There shouldn't be hunger, at least hunger unnecessarily of the people who would want otherwise to be fed." -Robert Carleson "My dear Sandby. I'm glad to see you. Pray is it you or your brother?" -Sir Walter Caulfield "The similarities between me and my father are different." -Dale Berra "In no way is it possible for a person to be in two places at the same time, especially if there is a great distance in between." -Judge Amado Guerrero "When shall the lion of autocracy walk hand in hand with the floodgates of democracy?" -James Sexton "Mike Andrews' limits are limitless." -Danny Ozark "It gets late early out there." -Yogi Berra "I move, Mr. Chairman, that all fire extinguishers be examined ten days before every fire." -City councilman "It was a semi-planned spontaneous stop." -Douglas Scamman "Well, sir, I met you this morning, but you did not come; however, I'm determined to meet you tomorrow morning whether you come or not." -Unknown "The new Irish Flag would be Orange and Green, and would in future be known as the Irish tricolor." -Smith O'Brien "I have reiterated over again what I have said before." -Robert F. Wagner "Get the thing straight once and for all. The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder." -Richard Daley "It is no use for the honorable member to shake his head in the teeth of his own words." -William E. Gladstone "I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio." -Gerald Ford "The time is here, and is rapidly approaching." -William Field "I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it." -Samuel Goldwyn "We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what the newspapers can report." -Louis Nel "The poor man was absolutely robbed by that accursed system by fully one-tenth of his hard earnings. Nay! he was sometimes deprived of as much as one-twentieth." -Major O'Gorman "As we debate this bill, that sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's box." -Unknown "Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed." -Ronald Reagan "All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprint of an unseen hand." -Sir Boyle Roche "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." -Samuel Goldwyn "Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year!" -Jerry Coleman "This strategy represents our policy for all time. Until it's changed." -Martin Fitzwater "We are in favor of a law which absolutely prohibits the sale of liquor on Sunday, but we are against its enforcement." -Democratic platform "This item is a mere fleabite in the ocean of our expenditure." -Lord Randolph Churchill "I introduce you to the Reverend Father McFadden, known all over the world, and other places besides." -Unknown "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." -Dan Quayle "When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results." -Calvin Coolidge "You are partly one hundred percent right." -Samuel Goldwyn "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -Gerald Ford "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." -Lawrence Summers "I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about." -Elliott Abrams "Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall." -Jerry Coleman "Mantle's a switch hitter because he's amphibious." -Yogi Berra "Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down and settle this like good Christians?" -Arthur Balfour "Under the rules of the contest, any concrete canoe that sinks directly to the bottom of Round Pond is not allowed to continue in the race." -West Point contest rules "I'm not indecisive. Am I indecisive?" -Jim Seibel "Benedict may not be hurt as much as he really is." -Jerry Coleman "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded." -Yogi Berra "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other." -Barry Black "Our comedies are not to be laughed at." -Samuel Goldwyn "When I write this letter, I have a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other." -Sir Boyle Roche "Don't cut your nose off yourself." -Casey Stengel "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -Dan Quayle "And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter, Kansas City leads in the eighth, 4 to 4." -Jerry Coleman "Mr. Asquith was like a drunken man walking along a straight line--the further he went the sooner he fell." -Sir Edward Carson "Mail from El Paso to Middletown, Tex., will not travel 1,794 miles as alleged. In fact it will travel no farther than it does not." -U. S. Postal Service "It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom, for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each warhead has been labeled with the word TOP." -British Admiralty instruction "Does the published book contain the unpublished part?" -James H. Campbell "I'm the football coach around here and don't you remember it." -Bill Peterson "I don't see, Mr. Speaker, why we should put ourselves out of the way to serve posterity. What has posterity ever done for us?" -Sir Boyle Roche "He slides into second with a stand-up double." -Jerry Coleman "That's the most unheard of thing I ever heard of." -Joseph McCarthy "Why should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets when England called for aid?" -Sir Thomas Myles "And what is more, I agree with everything I have just said." -Piet Koornhoff "Hi, folks, I'm Jerry Gross. No, I'm not, I'm Jerry Coleman." -Jerry Coleman "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." -Yogi Berra "We have permitted our naval capability to deteriorate. At the same time we are better off than we were a few years ago." -Caspar Weinberger "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." -Samuel Goldwyn "I do not feel that we should allow a shortage of funds to prevent cities from financing needed projects." -Hubert Humphrey "Fans, don't fail to miss tomorrow's game." -Dizzy Dean "This is the greatest country in America." -Bill Peterson "Every pint bottle should contain a quart." -Sir Boyle Roche "This unit had an estimated strength of about 2000 men, of which 300 were women." -Military intelligence document "McCovey swings and misses and it's fouled back." -Jerry Coleman "If Governor Fields is right, I am going to stand by him because he is right. If he is wrong, I am going to stand by him because he is a Democrat." -Augustus Owsley Stanley "If I entered into an agreement with that man, I would be sticking my head in a moose." -Samuel Goldwyn "I think that the free-enterprise system is absolutely too important to be left to the voluntary action of the marketplace." -Richard Kelly "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." -Chuch Nevitt "Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting." -Michael Curtiz "Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." -Samuel Goldwyn "Low earnings seem to be the key reason why someone who usually works full time is a member of a poor family." -U. S. Bureau of Labor Statistics "Young people, do not be led astray by the theory of voting for the man and not for the party. Vote the straight Republican ticket regardless of the qualifications of the candidate for office." -C. J. Travis "I am ignorant of the government's reasons, but I disapprove of them." -James C. Percy "I answer in the affirmative with an emphatic 'No.'" -Sir Boyle Roche "Rex Morgan winds up his career today, the only starter in the starting lineup." -Curt Gowdy "I'm giving you a chance to redeem your character, something you have irretrievably lost." -Serjeant Arabin "I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them five years." -Samuel Goldwyn "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" -last words of General John Sedgwick "Due to an administrative error, the original of the attached letter was forwarded to you. A new original has been accomplished and forwarded to AAC/JA. Please place this carbon copy in your files and destroy the original." -Alaska Air Command "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -Winston Bennett "The president doesn't want any yes-men and yes-women around him. When he says no, we all say no." -Elizabeth Dole "Why call him Joe? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called Joe." -Samuel Goldwyn "I want to gain 1500 or 2000 yards, whichever comes first." -George Rogers "They throw Winfield out at second and he's safe." -Jerry Coleman "Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans." -Alf Landon (In America) "Lead us in a few words of silent prayer." -Bill Peterson "After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post." -Philip Streifer "The interests of the employers and the employed are the same nine times out of ten--I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten." -Lord Curzon "Single misfortunes never come alone, and the greatest of all national calamities is generally followed by one greater." -Sir Boyle Roche "The President is aware of what is going on. That's not to say there is something going on." -Ron Zeigler "It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands." -Unknown "Me and George and Billy are two of a kind." -Mickey Rivers "I love California. I grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle "He fakes a bluff." -Ron Fairly "Anyone can be elected governor. I'm proof of that." -Joe Frank Harris "I told you to make one longer than another, and instead you have made one shorter than the other. The opposite." -Sir Boyle Roche "It is deplorable to think of a parish where there are 30,000 people living without a Christian burial." -Unknown "Could you get a little closer apart?" -Michael Curtiz "Before the Home Rule Bill is enforced, Asquith will have to walk over many dead bodies--his own included." -Unknown "The best way to pass a cow on the road when cycling is to keep behind it." -R. J. Mecredy "Death is what we all must come to if we only live long enough." -David Garrick "Let the first contingent go ahead, and I will send a man after you to lead the way." -J. C. Percy "My fellow astronauts..." -Dan Quayle "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." -S. I. Hayakawa "Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!" -Jerry Coleman "If you can't keep quiet, shut up!" -Gregory Ratoff "We must have a nation of all-Americans. We must expel those who cannot recite the Constitution of the United States and Lincoln's Gettysburg Address." -William Harding "It's not a matter of life and death. It's more important than that." -Lou Duva "Your medical assistance is cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death." -Iowa Department of Human Services "I usually take a two-hour nap, from one o'clock to four." -Yogi Berra "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -Ronald Reagan (unaware that he was on the air) "I suppose you think that on our board half the directors do the work and the other half do nothing. As a matter of fact, gentlemen, the reverse is the case." -Unknown "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -Sign at a railroad station "If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave." -Gerald Ford "If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be." -John Bowman "The only way to stop this suicide wave is to make it a capital offense, punishable by death." -Irish legislator "If you leave this question to us for three years, we will settle it tomorrow morning." -Unknown "He can run any time he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -Yogi Berra "The more killing and homicides you have, the more havoc it prevents." -Richard M. Daly "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields Exposure to dioxin is not usually disabling but may be fatal." -Dow Chemical Company "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass--and I'm just the one to do it." -Unknown "I'm abolishing and doing away with redundancy." -J. Curtis McKay
� 1997 E-mail me
Get your own Free Home Page