I feel that this story needs a fair amount of explanation. It was written as an assignment for Philosophy of Mind and Science Fiction. The assignment was to write a science fiction story in which aliens find the plaque that Carl Sagan designed for the Pioneer, and misinterpret it in some systematic way. My story is based on my friends and family at the Kill Everyone Project. If you are not familiar with both the plaque and tKEP, you will have no hope of fully understanding this story. Which of course is not to say that you may not find it interesting nonetheless. The plaque itself is shown below, but to learn about it, click here. The characters and events are of course to a degree based on real people and events from tKEP, however this should not be taken too seriously. The character of DU (Umberbot) in particular has been altered for purposes of the plot. I mean to offend no one except a select few who both know who they are and would never read this story to begin with. Special thanks to militant86 for his insistence on this idea.
It was the first day of Opus, the second night-month, in the year 1003. The night sky had not been seen in Kepland for 75 days, as it traveled between the two suns, each part always facing one of them. Milibot packed himself a picnic and headed to the hill. It was tradition, of course. Every one of the 17,740 Keplanders who inhabited the small island that comprised all of the dry land on the planet would be doing the same thing that night. They had to, or else Kaasu and Kati might get angry, and wreak terrible havoc over the land that tried so hard to be obedient to them. The young ones had been looking forward to it for weeks, and the elders just smiled and nodded. Milibot had been to the same hill, to watch the first true sunset, twice a year for 376 years. The alphasun had disappeared below the horizon several hours earlier, and the betasun would be out of sight within twenty minutes.
Milibot looked around at all the people gathered on the hill. There were three figures isolated from the rest: rainbot, bosnibot, and dethbot, the social outcasts of the land. Milibot didn't worry about them too much, but he was slightly concerned about chrillebot, who seemed unsure about where he should sit. Apart from those few, however, there was a very clear hierarchy on the hill. Umberbot, Millerbot, and Hanobot sat at the very top, and watched down over everybody else. Milibot didn't really notice this though--that was how it had always been, and that was how it would always be. Not that that was true. There were still a few people around who remembered the days before Umberbot, when Audiobot had sat with the triumvirate. For most, however, that was just a tale told by the elders to scare the young ones. Audiobot had nanned, a fate worse than death, bestowed by Kaasu as punishment for only the most invidious of crimes.
Milibot took his rightful seat just as the triumvirate began to chant. Slowly, down the ranks, everybody joined in, and the chant rose to a fevered pitch as the last bit of light disappeared from sight. Then it died down, and people stared at the stars they hadn't seen in 75 days for a few moments before getting up and returning home. Teribot ran off with some of the other young ones to play games that could only be played in the dark. Hanobot left with Shannbot and Parabot to do things Milibot was fairly sure he did not want to know about. Oogabot, Rahibot and Kalibot also walked away together. Everybody else walked home alone, as was expected.
Only Milibot and Umberbot remained on the hill, sitting in silence. Umberbot understood what Milibot did not--the message from Kaasu was already three years late. Umberbot had been sure that it would come this time. Soon the people would start to get impatient. Suddenly Milibot stood up. The bright light he'd thought was a pretty new star was getting larger, and seemed to be hurtling directly toward him. He cried out in terror, breaking Umberbot's concentration, and causing him to jump out of the path of the unidentified flying object just before it crashed into the very top of the hill, exactly where he had been sitting a moment earlier.
When they had recovered from the shock, the two of them cautiously approached the object. It was a strangely shaped piece of metal, slightly shorter than they were, that looked the way Milibot guessed somebody who had been nanned would look. "What do you think it could be?" he whispered. "Did one of the stars fall?"
Umberbot poked the object tentatively. Then he poked it a little harder, and a piece fell off, leaving a hole large enough for him to reach in, and feel around. He pulled out a small square piece of metal that glittered in the starlight. Engraved on the metal were some shapes and other odd designs that seemed meaningless, although Umberbot could never admit that. "It's here! It has arrived! And it has come to me!" he shouted. Milibot just stared until Umberbot remembered that he was there. "Go home," he said to Milibot. "And stay there. You must speak of this to no one."
Milibot was intensely curious, and didn't understand why he couldn't tell everybody he saw about this fallen star, but Umberbot was the leader, even among the triumvirate itself, so he did not question the order. Besides, the alphasun was beginning to rise already, and Milibot needed his sleep. He went straight home and drifted off, and dreamt of lying in an open field with stars falling down around him.
Three hours later, Milibot was rudely awakened by a loud screeching noise. It was the town bell, calling him and everybody else to the hill. The bell was there for emergencies and important announcements, but had actually never been used before, and it took Milibot a moment to figure out what it was. He groaned, and tried to roll over and go back to sleep. No luck, the screeching was too loud. He pulled himself out of bed, and blearily dragged himself to the hill. He arrived to discover that nobody was sitting in the correct spot, but everybody was milling around, trying to get a closer look at the fallen star that was still sitting at the top of the hill. Millerbot and Hanobot stood off to the side conferring, and then one of them stopped the bell. Hanobot climbed up on top of the object.
"Keplanders!" he announced. "It is a joyous day! While we all slept, Kaasu sent us a sign. This strange metal object has materialized on the peak of our hill. Surely it is a sign that Kaasu is pleased with us, your rulers. He has given us a pulpit from which to speak as we address you."
Milibot looked around for Umberbot, who could correct Hanobot, but he was nowhere to be seen. Hanobot went on. "Only Kaasu could create such an object, and only he could make it materialize, out of nothing..."
"No," said Milibot. Hanobot stopped midsentence, and stared down the hill. All heads snapped toward the one who had dared interrupt one of the triumvirate. "It didn't materialize," Milibot went on meekly. "It, it fell from the sky. I think it's a star."
"It's heresy!" screeched Rainbot. "Arrest him! Arrest him at once! There is nothing in the sky that can fall. The stars are mere points of light, they are not made of metal! Kaasu will nan you, I know it! Everybody, ask Kaasu, ask Kaasu at once to nan this heretic. If we do not, he will surely inflict great punishment on us as well!"
Everybody began to talk excitedly in small groups of three and four, and the noise became deafening. Hanobot and Millerbot took turns trying to regain order, but to no avail. Kalybot was the one who saw it first. She tapped Phishbot, and pointed back in the direction of the town. Phishbot tapped Bluesbot, who tapped Pliskibot, who tapped Rottybot, and on around the hill, until everybody was staring toward the town, watching Umberbot walk toward them with a sparkling piece of metal held above his head. Hanobot and Millerbot just gaped, and then stepped out of the way as Umberbot approached. Ordinarily they would have tried to resist, and both of them together might have succeeded, but they had nothing to compare to the gift that Umberbot brought. They exchanged glances, in full recognition that their equality as members of the triumvirate, as tenuous as it had been already, would now be gone forever. Kepland would be a monarchy once again.
"Ooooooh, shiny!" Shannbot blurted out.
Umberbot stood in the new pulpit, and held the golden plaque up for all to see. "This is a message from Kaasu," he said. "Last night, after the sunset ceremony, this pulpit in which I stand fell from the sky, and contained inside it was this piece of shiny metal. It was delivered to my hands, directly from the gods. I say, Kaasu and Kati sent this directly to me. I have not slept, but have spent the past four hours working out every detail of what this message means, which I shall explain to you in bits and pieces, as I find it appropriate." He stopped speaking and stood there watching 17, 738 Keplanders stare at him in awe.
The lone exception was Milibot, who had been growing more and more irate as this speech continued. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. "I was there too," he said. Suddenly the focus shifted. Rainbot began ranting about heresy again, but was completely ignored. This was different. If Milibot had been there to receive the message, then he must be one of the Leet, the chosen few. Also, he must know what the message was supposed to mean, and if Umberbot was not going to tell them all at once, Milibot just might.
Umberbot roared. "Did I not tell you to keep your mouth shut?"
Milibot started to back down, but then changed his mind. "I think I deserve some credit. I was the one who saw it first. I saved your life. You never even thanked me!"
Millerbot, always the voice of reason, stood up and spoke quietly. "It does not make a difference who found the message. Don't you see it was a matter of chance? The important thing is to figure out what it means. You, Umberbot. You are no more qualified than Hanobot or I to make that determination. We will sit down as a council to figure it out."
"No!" shouted Umberbot. I have already figured it out. "See? This here at the top, the two circles, that represents our suns, and they are connected by the force that holds things together, here in the middle, and they are hanging from the sky! I already know what it means. I do not need you."
Milibot felt the need to say something at that point, or else he could lose all the attention he had gained. "The beings, what are they? They're not people. They look somewhat like us, but they're not. The proportions are all wrong. And what is that stuff on top of their heads? The one on the right has lumps sticking out of her chest. They're hideous."
"I think it's a picture of Kaasu and Kati," said Hanobot. "They've revealed themselves."
Umberbot frowned, because he thought that as well. Except, that couldn't be allowed. The beings etched into the small piece of metal were, as Milibot had said, hideous. Surely the God and Goddess, who created, and ruled over Kepland, couldn't look like that. More importantly, the picture did not at all resemble the statues of Kaasu and Kati that had been erected in the shrines all over the island. And so that couldn't be what it meant. But Umberbot had nothing to say. He had no other explanation, because as much as that absolutely could not be true, he was fairly certain that it was.
"But what about those ten circles at the bottom?" asked Kalibot.
Umberbot sighed, and began the explanation he had been saving. "This larger circle," he said, pointing to the bottom left corner, "is Kepland. The smaller circles show time. None of you know this, but this message has been expected. We thought it would arrive with the coming of the millennium. This shows the time since then, and it also shows what is to come. The first two years nothing happened. This year, however, as you see here, the message has arrived. Next year will be ordinary, but in the 5th year, something great will happen, and in the 6th, something greater still. The 7th and 8th years will seem a decline in comparison, although they will be better than what we are experiencing now. The 9th year will again be ordinary. But after that, shall be the coming of Kaasu and Kati, and we shall all be saved!"
"Saved?" cried Milibot. "I don't see anything about us being saved! I see the end of time! The dots just stop. There are only 9, after the millennium, only 9 years that we have left to live, and then it's all over. Kepland will explode! That's what the thing in the middle shows, that's us, being scattered everywhere, our whole world gone, and we shall all be dead. Not saved, DEAD!"
"But, I've only been alive for 30 years," said Teribot. "I don't want to die!"
"I've been alive for 536 years," said Hanobot. "I don't want to die either."
"Perhaps it doesn't mean that," Millerbot suggested. "Maybe it's a warning. Kaasu is telling us what will happen if we don't follow his instructions, if we don't worship him correctly. Then he will fool us, he will give us some good years, but then take it all away. Or perhaps Milibot is right, and time will end. But we have the power to change that, if we do what he tells us."
"What has he told us?" demanded Milibot. "I don't see any instructions here. He hasn't given us anything to do. No explanation of how we're worshipping him incorrectly. We're doomed."
"Maybe there is a suggestion," said Hanobot. "The pictures, remember? If they are of Kaasu and Kati, perhaps they are angry that we have represented them so terribly incorrectly in our shrines. If we fix that, perhaps we can appease their wrath."
Umberbot just stared, wondering why he hadn't thought of that. Of course, that's much better than a statement that everybody would be saved. A statement that everybody would die unless they did what they were told was so much more useful. He seized on the idea. "Of course, we must begin right away. Throw all the old statues into the water. Begin the new ones immediately. Then we must build a new shrine, on this site, with larger statues than we have ever made! We must all work together. Everybody counts. I know this seems like a huge project, but we can do it. Let us begin today. Right now."
Millerbot and Hanobot looked at each other and shrugged. There was nothing to say. He was right. They walked off to the Shrine of the Leet, and Milibot followed them, having gained his rightful spot there. It was he who had seen the falling object, who had saved Umberbot from being crushed by it, who had prevented Umberbot from taking over as he had planned, and who had realized the true meaning of there being only nine years shown on the message from Kaasu. Nobody but Rainbot would deny him his place there now.
Milibot joined the triumvirate in lugging the two statues, the largest ones that had yet been made, to the cliff on their side of the island, and throwing them off in a ceremonial gesture, as the entire population of Kepland watched and cheered. He looked up at the sky. Alphasun was about to set, and betasun was still high in the sky. Milibot smiled. Life was good.
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