"It's a fucking bewilderness out there!" -Matt L.
"Studying math presents a deep spiritual crisis." -Jordan S.
"Have you ever tried to kill a rat with a shotgun? It's not easy, ok?" -Matt L.
"I'm bursting with awakeness!" -Nora F.
"Instead of cable, I think we should use our house funds for a hookah!" -Rachel Anne D.
"My connectivity package should be to the right of the stone sphinx." -Rachel Anne D.
"I don't understand why philosophy is in the humanities. It should be in the social sciences." -Tim S.
"What's the kid complaining about? He can kill himself any time." -Matt T.
"Do you think the fucking Indians could come up with something like that? No, it takes the white brain, the big white man's brain!" -Jordan S.
"I'm okay with doing wrong stuff. Some wrong things are okay." -Dashi S.
"My standards for attractive are really not all that high. I find most guys doable." -Nora F.
"My life is now complete, because I had a finger in winning the golden phallus." -Carter S.
"You'll spoil all the fun! I don't want champagne that's been in a bathroom." -John S.-R.
"There are no questions on cross examination. This is a good skill to learn, because it will help you later in life when you're arguing with your significant other. Believe me, I know." -Will L.
"Whenever you see a bunch of brown people around, I'm usually one of them." -Arif N.
"Let's just pretend I'm a drawing of a skeleton." -Josh R.
"I'm in SASA. I love my South Asian culture. But some people need to die." -Arif N.
"God, I wish I remembered more things." -Sarah C.
"I can't find it. It's not in my crotch." -Chris C.
"British cuisine is the 'Nicky's music' of food." -Carter S.
"This drink is the 'Nicky speaking' of alcohol." -Chris C.
"I like drinking." -Nicky N.
"I was posing suggestively with a printer." -Nicky N.
"What possible use could you have for expanding a polynomial on a Saturday?" -Chris C.
"If I could make myself a gay man, I would right now." -Ashley B.
"I am totally not the bitch in this situation." -Sarah C., to Nick T.
"I know you want to cop a feel. You can just ask, it's ok." -Sarah C., to Kevin C.
Nicky N.: "I love you, I love you, I love you."
Nick T.: "Oh, you must be really drunk."
Josh R.: "It's a colonial tanker sold by the University of Chicago."
Chris C.: "Then everybody can get colonially tanked."
"This game lacks random acts of violence." -Dino K., on the problems with Zertz
"Northwestern is evil because they're in Chicago but they're not in Chicago and they're not Chicago." -Chris C.
"It would take a long time for Randall Simon to work his ass off." -Chris C.
"I have slept with you, but I haven't seen your nipples." -Matt B., to Chris C.
"How do you think a federal judge would react to quoting Shakespeare? I'd love to quote a Macbeth line in my facts section: 'A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.' Maybe I should leave out the part about the idiot." -Rob S.
"I think you guys are a little bit confused. I'm trying to limit my liability, not have sex with him." -Mike A.
"When are you leaving? Friday? Thursday? Wednesday? Wait, you're not leaving, I'm leaving." -Nick T.
"And God spoketh to Adam, and saideth 'Tort.'" -Kevin C.
"It's postmodern penguinism, you idiot!" -Beau B.
"I hate that paragraph with most of my mock trial soul." -Katie S.
"Whoa! That's one of those boats that you ride on, isn't it!" -Carter S.
"Well, I can't judge people's existential reality." -Miles H.
"The notion of slavery isn't inherently devaluing of a person." -Miles H.
"From a social perspective, murdering people can be cool." -Miles H.
