No, for real, I yearn to control everything in my kehidupan.
I plan ahead; I think about every contingency, every possible outcome, and do whatever I can so things go perfectly.
Why would I want to pelajari to let go of that feeling?
We’ve all heard these terms, we know what they mean.
We know the best, most efficient, easiest way to do everything.
We know the best routes to take, the best products to buy.
And we definitely know what you should’ve said to your boss in that meeting last week, if you’d just listened to us.
Okay, maybe there are times when we micromanage everything.
But… it’s only because we have to: we’ve tried delegating in the past – and it really didn’t work out.
We love to think that we’re in control and we have everything in check.
Yet, somewhere deep inside, we know we’re not in control – at least not fully.
The thing is, even though being a control freak might make us feel good some of the time, we’re so wrapped up in controlling things that we aren’t very happy.
We certainly don’t feel relaxed or carefree.
Attempting to manage and control everything in our lives can actually cause more anxiety, inertia, and a sense of helplessness.
It leaves us isolated and/or in a lot of arguments with our family, friends, and also co-workers.
What we don’t selalu realize is that control – and the need to control – is about fear.
Well, reducing and avoiding our fear, as well as danger and negative outcomes.
It’s all about steering clear of the unknown.
It’s natural: we’re beratwired to want safety and security.
Our fears are meant to keep us safe, to keep us alive.
Our amygdalae, those tiny parts of our brain that govern our fears, work berat everyday to make sure we’re not eaten by a bear, or get run over by a rogue taxi.
But more often than not, our fears get the better of us and keep us from truly enjoying our lives.
It’s berat to find safety and comfort in the ethereal unknown, so we settle for trying to control things instead.
There’s also an inherent lack of trust in our need to control: a lack of trust in ourselves and in others.
First of all, we’ve been burned too many times while trying to trust others.
No need to keep trying when they’ll end up making a mess of things.
Better to just avoid trust and do it ourselves.
While we might think that we can trust ourselves, that need to control helps us not need to truly practice self-trust.
We’re so focused on controlling everything that trust doesn’t enter into the picture.
We’re so focused that we don’t see we’re missing out on trust, joy, connection, love, freedom, and satisfaction.
So, dear ones, what can we do to get more of those in our lives?
Often, there was an event or series of events in your childhood that made you think you needed to control and manage everything in kehidupan.
You don’t want to dwell on the event(s).
But having a basic knowledge of why you developed this habit is helpful when you need to remind dirimu that you’re not in that event anymore – and you don’t need to continually repeat it.
Get clear on what you need to control, when, how often, etc.
Are there any situations you don’t need to control?
What happens when you try but can’t control a situation?
What happens if you don’t control this one thing?
Make a list of the top five negative things that could happen.
If not, it might be a situation to practice releasing control.
Try to pick a situation that feels safe and the outcome isn’t penting where you can practice pelajariing to let go.
You don’t have to stop controlling everything – just this one small, easy, safe thing.
From there, it can become a practice where you eventually raise the gradient to bigger and bigger situations.
Practice trusting dirimu and others as if giving a gift over and over.
It’s not selalu easy, but this can be the most valuable practice you ever take on.
They can create their own way and empower themselves.
If you constantly try to control the orang in your kehidupan, they’ll jangan pernah have the chance to rise to the occasion and succeed.
Tell them about your desire to stop controlling everything and your new goals.
Describe the ways you’re pelajariing to let go so that you’ll have some accountability and encouragement.
It’ll be that much easier to ask for support when things get overwhelming, or it’s become too scary to give up control.
This helps calm the body and gets you more centered when you’re in stressful situations.
Changing this pattern of control won’t selalu feel good, safe, or comfortable.
When you find dirimu resisting or fighting to control something, stop, and breathe first.
Consider repeating a mantra as you breathe in and out to help focus and remind you why you’re changing your habit.
Have you eaten enough/had enough water?
What’s happening physically that may be exacerbating a stressful situation?
Sometimes, taking care of our physical well-being is the best thing we can do to help calm our minds.
Recognize that while you can’t control everything that happens in the masa depan, you can control how you relate to those things.
You can take action to make sure you are creating a bright masa depan.
It may be berat to admit we’re control freaks, and even berater to admit that we can’t control everything.
We can’t control other orang or situations.
But we CAN control how we relate to the situations and circumstances in our lives.
We can work on changing how we view things and improve how we feel, which will translate into healthier relationships and overall less stress.
We can choose to live within the confines of our amygdalae and fears, OR we can choose to practice something new.
Practice pelajariing to let go, trusting, breathing, and starting to make those small adjustments and ubahs.
Eventually, you’ll start to realize (just like I have) that kehidupan is so much easier when you don’t have to control everything!
Do you have any tips you would like to add?
Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.
Well said. Both myself and my spouse have control issues within the relationship. Not a good combination. Some of this need for control comes from a lack of self esteem ie childhood trauma for both, and two relationships that ended “badly” for my spouse resulting in narcissistic traits eg.emotional abusiveness.I developed a care-giver character personality. Been together for 45yrs.pelajariing about ourselves is only just begun. This article helps with the area of the need for control.Cheers Chris
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